Stim day 7 [I'm sick, NOT pregnant]

After my lower than desirable scan results, I didn't have to go in for another ultrasound today or yesterday because of my slow growers. So, tomorrow morning is my next appt.

I was real scared of the side effects. I've read all the blogs about hot flashes and irritability and gaining ten pounds. Nothing for me. I imagine the weight gain may still be coming this weekend as I near my egg retrieval but so far, I'm doing way good. I don't feel any different. Of course, that may also be because I'm not really responding to the drugs. pbbtt!!! I would take on some side effects if it meant that i could produce more healthy eggs and have a better chance.

I don't know. I'm already starting to get anxious about if this doesn't work. I was hoping we would have plenty so we could freeze embryos and go straight into FET (transferring embryos which is much cheaper and easier). If our IVF doesn't work, I would not be able to change insurance for another year. Your insurance company will cover part of IVF only one time, so people hop insurance companies. The fact that we're doing it so early in the year just means that the rest of the year stretches out with no other options if it doesn't work and we have no frozen embies. So hard, I'm trying to have hope, I hope tomorrow morning's gives me more hope.

Yesterday morning, I was awoken at 2 in the morning with sharp abdominal cramping. It was severe and I was getting hot flashes and feeling nauseous. I felt like I was going to pass out, everything was so overwhelming. Scott was asleep in the living room because our niece was in the bedroom with me and I was crying out in pain, but couldn't call out to him. Thankfully, I managed to endure it for like half an hour. The nausea and hot flashes went away but my stomach was cramping. I told scott that the pain was at a consistent 3-4 (on a scale of ten) and I would have episodes where the pain would shoot up to a 8-9. I wonder if this is what labor feels like. I can't take it. I was in bed all day and the pain never stopped. I must have been sick because I slept all day and night.

I called the IVF nurse to see if this could possibly be a side effect of the IVF drugs since I didn't want to inject myself again if I was endangering my health. They said not to worry, it wasn't that. Thank God. I was relieved at first but then someone visiting said maybe I had appendicitis. I wanted to check but I couldn't get out of bed to my computer. So, I spent the day worrying that I should be at the hospital but was too sick to find out. I finally got to look it up and I don't think I have appendicitis. It's been 36 hours and now the pain is at 0 but shoots up to 4-5 so I think I'm slowly passing through whatever it is.

I had to text my friend last night because last night I was supposed to go to a worship rehearsal. I said I was sick, made sure NOT to say it was stomach related. This morning I get a text that everyone at the rehearsal were wondering if I was pregnant. So, I had to text back "Nope, not pregnant just sick."

Nothing like having to reiterate those words "not pregnant" that are just a bitter reminder. It's inevitable. Once people know that you're even just open to starting a family, every time you hint that your health is not perfect "oooh, are you pregnant." No, I'm not pregnant. And boy do I love saying that (please hear this read with sarcasm). I actually have to make sure I interject unnecessary and TMI details when letting people know I can't do something because my stomach is upset. You have to make sure you throw in the word diahhrea or they misread into nausea or stomach problems as pregnancy and they begin their big eyed happy baby dance which you then have to be the wet blanket and douse them with water "no I'm not pregnant." Please, people, stop asking me so I don't have to keep saying it. It's hard enough to wake up every day knowing you're not pregnant...don't make me say it randomly in public.