Morning body temp: 97.23
This morning is the roughest I've had. I was really praying last night. If my temp stayed high, I was planning on testing on Tuesday (tomorrow), also when I'm expecting AF...and Tuesday (tomorrow) is our 2 year anniversary. I just thought this would be the most amazing time...I couldn't ask for a better day...even better than getting pregnant on my birthday. Also, our close friends just tested positive a week ago so if we tested positive now...our babies would just be a few days apart. I couldn't help but get so excited especially with my temps staying rock solid.
last night, I finally slept real well (we had the air con on and I was all snuggled up)...and my morning temp...97.23 (yesterday was 97.8). I already got that sinking feeling because I was watching the numbers climb and they were already going slow in the upper 96. I realized that I would be lucky to get out of the 96 degree range.
I seriously cried a lot...and got angry. I got angry at God. I feel like I'm being punished or tested. If it is neither of the above, then I'm suffering through this for no real reason. I've tried so hard this past year and half to stay positive and stay faithful and a I get so angry when I feel like it has got me nowhere. The hubby came in and I was crying and just telling me how mad I was. He then tried to make me feel better by telling me that I'm blessed and that I should be happy. Which of course made me feel worse and I got so mad, I stormed out of the house and drove around the nearest botanical garden to calm down.
It took a while but watching "Ruby" kind of inspired me again to get up and keep moving on. I'm scared to have to do IVF especially since I've been excited to try things like clomid and IUIs and they didn't bring us success. I'd really be happy to NOT have to resort to IVF, so I'm praying that God rescues me.
Guessing that tomorrow is AF day...unless she's tardy and Wednesday. Already ordered a new batch of fertility monitor test sticks...just resorting myself back to the grind. Meeting with someone tomorrow who has gone through this and is a strong christian woman. I don't know what I'm going to ask but I'm really looking forward to it.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Cycle 13: 12 dpo (13 dpiui) Tender BB still
Body Temperature: 97.7
Man, hope just cling in there...She can probably live another day or two. It may come crashing down tomorrow with the morning's temperature. Or it could live on another day or two. So, my temp drop went back up yesterday but I couldn't really call it valid. I must have had only 3 or 4 hours sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night. I took my temp and it was 97.8. I fell asleep another two hours and it was 97.78. Well, I can't count those because I didn't really have a full night of sleep.
Last night, I fell asleep a little earlier but I must have woken up before sunrise...so I took my temp again. Had to use my cell phone to light the thermometer reading. 97.7
why can't I sleep all the way through the night? One, I'm taking allergy pills which can give you restless sleep and 2...its so hot that i'm drinking a lot more water at night. I can never make it 8 hour without a bathroom break.
So I took a pee test this morning, hope starting to grow...and BFN. So, of course, I'm googling people who got negatives to find out they're pregnant later. I mean, I'm gradually telling people that Scott and I are moving on to IVF in a few months...but I keep thinking...what if this is it. Our anniversary is in two days. I have had a crappy year...but I have faith that God is turning it around. This would be like the best plot twist...make my life a true movie moment. A Walt Disney movie that has you crying. Please please please, Lord.
My boobies are still tender...this has been quite a few days. Never gone this long. If I'm not pregnant, it just means my progesterone is kicking in hard this month...even though the blood test level didn't seem that high. I've never had it tested before...maybe I had super low progesterone which is why my boobies were only tender for a day or two. I love you baby Joash. Could the two days of 97.4 be implantation dips? Fertility friend predicted my ovulation day at CD 16....let this just be a late implantation and my positive is coming!!!! Here's hoping and praying.
Man, hope just cling in there...She can probably live another day or two. It may come crashing down tomorrow with the morning's temperature. Or it could live on another day or two. So, my temp drop went back up yesterday but I couldn't really call it valid. I must have had only 3 or 4 hours sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night. I took my temp and it was 97.8. I fell asleep another two hours and it was 97.78. Well, I can't count those because I didn't really have a full night of sleep.
Last night, I fell asleep a little earlier but I must have woken up before sunrise...so I took my temp again. Had to use my cell phone to light the thermometer reading. 97.7
why can't I sleep all the way through the night? One, I'm taking allergy pills which can give you restless sleep and 2...its so hot that i'm drinking a lot more water at night. I can never make it 8 hour without a bathroom break.
So I took a pee test this morning, hope starting to grow...and BFN. So, of course, I'm googling people who got negatives to find out they're pregnant later. I mean, I'm gradually telling people that Scott and I are moving on to IVF in a few months...but I keep thinking...what if this is it. Our anniversary is in two days. I have had a crappy year...but I have faith that God is turning it around. This would be like the best plot twist...make my life a true movie moment. A Walt Disney movie that has you crying. Please please please, Lord.
My boobies are still tender...this has been quite a few days. Never gone this long. If I'm not pregnant, it just means my progesterone is kicking in hard this month...even though the blood test level didn't seem that high. I've never had it tested before...maybe I had super low progesterone which is why my boobies were only tender for a day or two. I love you baby Joash. Could the two days of 97.4 be implantation dips? Fertility friend predicted my ovulation day at CD 16....let this just be a late implantation and my positive is coming!!!! Here's hoping and praying.
Friday, July 24, 2009
10 dpiui BBT drop sore boobs
Todays body temp: 97.43
Today was a tough day. I cried a lot. I didn't rest very well last night. I went to bed a little before one and woke up at 4:00...didn't know why so I used the bathroom and tried to fall back asleep. I woke up again at 6:30 and this time I took my temp before going to the bathroom again.
97.43 (yesterday was 97.80)
I slept so little that my temp should be higher than normal. I am trying to justify it with a number of reason. One, I usually take my temp at 9:30 or 10:00 am when my bedroom has been warmed and i'm hot from the morning sun. Then, I've been counting this as 10 dpo, but it really looks like it is 9 dpo...maybe even 8. To early for temp drops...maybe it could be an implantation dip.
But most of me is just depressed with the knowledge that this perfect cycle is a bust. I called my doctor and said I want to skip the last month of clomid and go ahead with IVF. I'm really glad I did but now I"m worried because I know the process is still a few months away and a few months long. And we have atrip planned in October so I pray that it doesn't screw up our timeline and we have to postpone this farther. October is my birthday and that would be the worst birthday event ever.
I realized that I still have some chance after realizing that I've just been counting dpo as the days after my first positive on the ovulator. My temps indicate that I probably ovulated on day fifteen or day 16 (according to fertility friend), so I may not even have implantation yet. It's amazing how grief can consume you but then hope...damn hope just fights its way back in.
I was more depressed because Tuesday is our anniversary and I just thought, Monday is when I would test and know for sure....what a wonderful anniversary gift...the best gift I could give my hubby. He's going to be an amazing father.
Today was a tough day. I cried a lot. I didn't rest very well last night. I went to bed a little before one and woke up at 4:00...didn't know why so I used the bathroom and tried to fall back asleep. I woke up again at 6:30 and this time I took my temp before going to the bathroom again.
97.43 (yesterday was 97.80)
I slept so little that my temp should be higher than normal. I am trying to justify it with a number of reason. One, I usually take my temp at 9:30 or 10:00 am when my bedroom has been warmed and i'm hot from the morning sun. Then, I've been counting this as 10 dpo, but it really looks like it is 9 dpo...maybe even 8. To early for temp drops...maybe it could be an implantation dip.
But most of me is just depressed with the knowledge that this perfect cycle is a bust. I called my doctor and said I want to skip the last month of clomid and go ahead with IVF. I'm really glad I did but now I"m worried because I know the process is still a few months away and a few months long. And we have atrip planned in October so I pray that it doesn't screw up our timeline and we have to postpone this farther. October is my birthday and that would be the worst birthday event ever.
I realized that I still have some chance after realizing that I've just been counting dpo as the days after my first positive on the ovulator. My temps indicate that I probably ovulated on day fifteen or day 16 (according to fertility friend), so I may not even have implantation yet. It's amazing how grief can consume you but then hope...damn hope just fights its way back in.
I was more depressed because Tuesday is our anniversary and I just thought, Monday is when I would test and know for sure....what a wonderful anniversary gift...the best gift I could give my hubby. He's going to be an amazing father.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Cycle 13: 9 dpiui #2 BFN Prog=16
Basal Body Temp: 97.80
Hom pregnancy test in the morning: Big fat negative
So boobs are really sensitive, started last night. I really noticed today because I tried to jog a mile on the treadmill and looked stupid trying to pin my arms against my chests because they were so sensitive to the movement. So, that's on par with the past few cycles. No nausea....I love to eat. No mood swings except I'm irritated with people, but that's a regular occurence. No excessive trips to the bathroom. No symptoms.
I'm glad my basal body temperature is up but I know the more tellin days will be what happens in the next three days. Plus, the scientist in me loves it's quantitative nature. It's data. It's a number that can be studied and compared with other numbers. It's not subjective like ...say...my boobs and their tenderness. Is this month's soreness more or less than last month...is it different in sensation? Nope, can't tell you that. But I can look at my past months and say, yes, 9 days after ovulation mos ttemps weren't this high but there were some months it was.
The doctor called me with my blood tests results to check if I had ovulated. She said it confirmed I had. A total value of "16." I was a little disappointed. I know they want you over fifteen if you are on a medicated cycle and she says she didn't want it to be too high because that might indicate multiple follicles which meant multiple babies. Um, that's what I'm praying for. So, I walked to the gym after that call trying not to be depressed. But I already just feel like this cycle is a bust. We gave it an unbelievable shot. I ovulated close to day fourteen, my husband and I got in multiple tries in that fertile time period...there's nothing more we could have done more perfect. And yet, I fear my body just can't pull something like this out of the that. Every night, I just look forward to the morning to see what my body temp will tell me.
Hom pregnancy test in the morning: Big fat negative
So boobs are really sensitive, started last night. I really noticed today because I tried to jog a mile on the treadmill and looked stupid trying to pin my arms against my chests because they were so sensitive to the movement. So, that's on par with the past few cycles. No nausea....I love to eat. No mood swings except I'm irritated with people, but that's a regular occurence. No excessive trips to the bathroom. No symptoms.
I'm glad my basal body temperature is up but I know the more tellin days will be what happens in the next three days. Plus, the scientist in me loves it's quantitative nature. It's data. It's a number that can be studied and compared with other numbers. It's not subjective like ...say...my boobs and their tenderness. Is this month's soreness more or less than last month...is it different in sensation? Nope, can't tell you that. But I can look at my past months and say, yes, 9 days after ovulation mos ttemps weren't this high but there were some months it was.
The doctor called me with my blood tests results to check if I had ovulated. She said it confirmed I had. A total value of "16." I was a little disappointed. I know they want you over fifteen if you are on a medicated cycle and she says she didn't want it to be too high because that might indicate multiple follicles which meant multiple babies. Um, that's what I'm praying for. So, I walked to the gym after that call trying not to be depressed. But I already just feel like this cycle is a bust. We gave it an unbelievable shot. I ovulated close to day fourteen, my husband and I got in multiple tries in that fertile time period...there's nothing more we could have done more perfect. And yet, I fear my body just can't pull something like this out of the that. Every night, I just look forward to the morning to see what my body temp will tell me.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Cycle 13: 6 dpiui #2
Temp today: 97.81
But I did wake up two hours before that to peek quickly. I was so exhausted, I couldn't fathom taking my temp then.
Absolutely nothing. no sore boobs, which I did have last cycle at this time. That's so loopy, it comes or doesn't come at such odd times.
Tomorrow, I'm going to drop by the clinic and see if I can do the blood draw to check for ovulation. Last time, the doctor forgot to put in the order. This time, she reassured me she would put in the order, but she also didn't tell me what day she wanted to have it done. I'm assuming it's CD 21 so that would be tomorrow.
I have to do a maternity session with a ex-coworker who began TTC when I did. She also had a miscarriage three months after me, I got pregnant first. The difference is...after a few months, she got pregnant again...and now she's getting ready to have her baby girl. I kept putting it off because I was hoping when we talked about babies and I know she'll ask how we're doing...I wanted to say "yup, we are." I can't say "yes" and I can't put it off anymore. Fortunately, I'm at peace with where I am in this journey so I'm not dreading it. Just would be tons better if I was.
I also have the sneaking suspicion that good friends of me and my husband are pregnant again. They mentioned wanting to start trying for their second before the end of the year...and I swear she looks a little thicker in the waist. Of course, how in the world could I say that to someone. But I wonder why they wouldn't tell us...her hubby and my hubby are best buds, they talk everyday. I would hate it if they aren't telling us because they are waiting for us to get pregnant so we won't feel bad. I hate pity. It makes me feel worse. I guess we'll see.
But I did wake up two hours before that to peek quickly. I was so exhausted, I couldn't fathom taking my temp then.
Absolutely nothing. no sore boobs, which I did have last cycle at this time. That's so loopy, it comes or doesn't come at such odd times.
Tomorrow, I'm going to drop by the clinic and see if I can do the blood draw to check for ovulation. Last time, the doctor forgot to put in the order. This time, she reassured me she would put in the order, but she also didn't tell me what day she wanted to have it done. I'm assuming it's CD 21 so that would be tomorrow.
I have to do a maternity session with a ex-coworker who began TTC when I did. She also had a miscarriage three months after me, I got pregnant first. The difference is...after a few months, she got pregnant again...and now she's getting ready to have her baby girl. I kept putting it off because I was hoping when we talked about babies and I know she'll ask how we're doing...I wanted to say "yup, we are." I can't say "yes" and I can't put it off anymore. Fortunately, I'm at peace with where I am in this journey so I'm not dreading it. Just would be tons better if I was.
I also have the sneaking suspicion that good friends of me and my husband are pregnant again. They mentioned wanting to start trying for their second before the end of the year...and I swear she looks a little thicker in the waist. Of course, how in the world could I say that to someone. But I wonder why they wouldn't tell us...her hubby and my hubby are best buds, they talk everyday. I would hate it if they aren't telling us because they are waiting for us to get pregnant so we won't feel bad. I hate pity. It makes me feel worse. I guess we'll see.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Cycle 13; 1 dp IUI #2
This is month 5 of my 6 month clomid run.
My husband and I are feeling real hopeful. We're hoping this is a really great shot at having a baby.
When I saw my doctor for the beginning of this cycle, I told her that we were feelign really discouraged. We looked at adoption but it cost twice as much as we thought it was going to. We thought it was going to be $12000 but the fees are much more than that. Our friend who went through the same adoption agency said they spent about $20,000 although apparently you get like a $10,000 tax credit. The program brochure also said that the program can take about 3-4 years. I kept thinking...I might be 35 before I have my first child. I'm really in favor of IVF now. We could go through IVF at least 2 or three times in the same time frame.
My doctor wants me to finish out the clomid run. She said the chances of us getting pregnant are still pretty high. Just as high as in month three. she says she got pregnant on her sixth month of clomid. So, the plan is ...
two more months of clomid (in the middle of the second to last)
a required 2 month break from drugs
Then IVF
So hubby and I are praying that we don't need to wait that long...that we get pregnant just on the clomid. This month feels really good. TMI but we have been able to try at home a lot. usually, we can "try" 1 or 2 times or maybe just once somewhat near the fertile time but have been too busy. This past weekend, we got to "try" a lot. My fertility monitor was showing low fertility so I figured might as well get the natural tries in as much as possible because as you approach ovulation...you should have the man abstain from sex for two days.
So, I estimated that our IUI wouldn't be to Tuesday...maybe even Wednesday. So we had some fun late Sunday night. Well, Monady morning, the ovulation kit showed a positive for ovulation so I called the clinic. Turns out that Tuesday was full so they wanted me to come in that afternoon. We were super worried because instead of abstaining 2-3 days, my husband had only a 10 hour abstinence period. Well, that's all we got.
Except the doctor told me right before the IUI that my husband's count was really good, 43 million. I made sure to tell the hubby to inflate his healthy ego even more. So that was yesterday. Again, despite the usual discomfort of a speculum, I didn't feel anything and I'm real real appreciative of how easy the IUI process is. My husband and I are going to do one last baby dance tonight to cover our bases. And then we're praying that these two weeks fly by and grow us healthy babies...I'm praying for twins!!!
My husband and I are feeling real hopeful. We're hoping this is a really great shot at having a baby.
When I saw my doctor for the beginning of this cycle, I told her that we were feelign really discouraged. We looked at adoption but it cost twice as much as we thought it was going to. We thought it was going to be $12000 but the fees are much more than that. Our friend who went through the same adoption agency said they spent about $20,000 although apparently you get like a $10,000 tax credit. The program brochure also said that the program can take about 3-4 years. I kept thinking...I might be 35 before I have my first child. I'm really in favor of IVF now. We could go through IVF at least 2 or three times in the same time frame.
My doctor wants me to finish out the clomid run. She said the chances of us getting pregnant are still pretty high. Just as high as in month three. she says she got pregnant on her sixth month of clomid. So, the plan is ...
two more months of clomid (in the middle of the second to last)
a required 2 month break from drugs
Then IVF
So hubby and I are praying that we don't need to wait that long...that we get pregnant just on the clomid. This month feels really good. TMI but we have been able to try at home a lot. usually, we can "try" 1 or 2 times or maybe just once somewhat near the fertile time but have been too busy. This past weekend, we got to "try" a lot. My fertility monitor was showing low fertility so I figured might as well get the natural tries in as much as possible because as you approach ovulation...you should have the man abstain from sex for two days.
So, I estimated that our IUI wouldn't be to Tuesday...maybe even Wednesday. So we had some fun late Sunday night. Well, Monady morning, the ovulation kit showed a positive for ovulation so I called the clinic. Turns out that Tuesday was full so they wanted me to come in that afternoon. We were super worried because instead of abstaining 2-3 days, my husband had only a 10 hour abstinence period. Well, that's all we got.
Except the doctor told me right before the IUI that my husband's count was really good, 43 million. I made sure to tell the hubby to inflate his healthy ego even more. So that was yesterday. Again, despite the usual discomfort of a speculum, I didn't feel anything and I'm real real appreciative of how easy the IUI process is. My husband and I are going to do one last baby dance tonight to cover our bases. And then we're praying that these two weeks fly by and grow us healthy babies...I'm praying for twins!!!
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