Weight: 179.0 lb
Symptoms: Nausea, slight chest tenderness, taking a nap everyday but it's inevitable since I'm lying down every possible minute
According to online research, our babies are now both an inch long and their tails are gone. Oh, thank goodness. Their eyelids are fusing shut and won't open until the end of the second trimester. Their organs and muscles are working and they're actually moving although I won't be able to feel it for a few months. They are male or female and are showing it, although we also won't be able to see that for a few months on the ultrasound.
I told Scott about that, and I was shocked when he said he didn't want to know the gender. He was thinking about being surprised. I thought about it for a minute and then told him "I have to know. Don't worry, I won't tell you if you don't want to know but I just have to know." He laughed and said we can talk about, we do have a while and we're not out of the woods. He did say it's going to look real suspicious if I start buying all pink clothes and dresses. Hmmm, so true.
So 9 weeks was also monumental because it was officially the last of my progesterone injection...the last of months and months of all sorts of injections and shots. Oh my goodness. We did two shots a day in the beginning. They started off with injections at night and then we changed medicine and they were shots in the morning. You have to do it about the same time every day with about a 2 hour window so we had to get creative. We had our house full of people barbecuing and we would sneak off to our room. We had to do it while babysitting with insistent and curious toddlers knocking on the door wondering why we were hiding. The best was when we went to Vegas and the time difference screwed us royally. It put the daily shot at lunchtime (and this is no shot that you can just do in the arm or in the leg)...it has to be in the lovely buttocks. I had a workshop and Scott had to come to the hotel conference room at lunchtime and then we had to hunt for someplace to do the shot. The hotel was huge so we didn't have time to leave and go anywhere more private...and there were no single bathrooms.
So, I had to sneak into the men's bathroom. I figured it was a safer bet because there was only one male in my workshop and the rest were all women so we took a chance with the men's bathroom. We were so fortunate that no one walked in because you could totally see our feet beneath the stall door and I'm sure it would have looked very suspicous.
I am a little nervous about no more shots though. They have kind of been a crutch. I'm scared to have to just rely on just my body to do the job. Yikes.
Nausea wise-well, I don't know if it mental, but it seems like there's hope. With the medicine, I've been eating 1.5-2 meals a day so I'm not feeling as lightheaded and energy-less. Still not as much food as I would like so I'm looking forward to eating lots when the nausea is finally gone. And I actually have bouts when I feel normal. They don't last too long but I get so encouraged when I feel like I might actually make it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
8w6d Trip to the ER
Well my good luck with no spotting ended. In the middle of the night, early Saturday morning, I made my usual mid-sleep trip to the bathroom and there was a lot of dark blood on the toilet paper. I freaked but remembered that spotting is too be expected and it was not bright red. Spotted all saturday and into Sunday.
Then I headed to work on Sunday afternoon and felt some gushes. I had to leave work, i had to go home to change clothes anyway and I was debating going to the hospital. My ob-gyn office was closed and by the time I got home, I was bleeding bright red and regularly. Scott and I went to the hospital ER and I thought I was pretty calm and collected. I felt so horrible because all I could try to console myself was...hey there's two...if you lose one, you'll still have the other one. And there's got to be too small a chance that you would lose both. I was proud of myself for being so calm while checking in. I told scott to bring a book because I know trips to the ER always takes hours of waiting. I had all my information ready for the hospital. The guy who checked me in and asked me all sorts of questions was so nice and cheerful and I could tell he was trying to keep me distracted. Still, it hit me where I was and I had to look at Scott with tears welling in my eyes and fight back the tears. They took us right in and gave us a room and as soon as they left us alone, I started crying. I just sobbed and Scott hugged me. Maybe they heard my sobs through the hallway because we didn't wait more than ten minutes before the doctor came in. They had me change into a robe and told me they were going to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound.
The doctor was super nice and while he was waiting for the nurse to get some special light for his clear plastic speculum, he asked if he could do the ultrasound. He did a belly ultrasound, said that since I was past 8 weeks, they didn't have to do a vag-cam. And there on the screen was two little blobs. Oh, thank God they're still in there. And he tried to show us both their heartbeats. But it was a laptop screen and I was looking up at it so I could only see the bottom baby's heartbeat fluttering. But Scott said he saw only the top one...so between the two of us, we could confirm that the doctor wasn't lying to us out of pity. He couldn't find the source of the bleeding but said that it was perfectly possible that we go on to a normal pregnancy. He was very sweet and reassuring and patted my shoulder as he gave me the news. He asked again if I did IVF or IUI and I thought he needed to know for medical reasons. but then he said he and his wife are also trying to have a baby although they're not at IVF yet. Oh, he understands me.
That night it tapered back to spotting...then picked up to bleeding by the morning...and then back again to spotting. I saw my regular OB who fit me in and she was a lot less worried than me or the ER docs. She said it was normal and she was satisfied because they saw the heartbeats on the ultrasound. She said to take it easy and watch for cramping or pains. And my next ultrasound is a week away so that will be the perfect time to check back in with the babies.
Still spotting two days later but still confident that our babies are okay. God, protect them, we love them both already!!!!
Then I headed to work on Sunday afternoon and felt some gushes. I had to leave work, i had to go home to change clothes anyway and I was debating going to the hospital. My ob-gyn office was closed and by the time I got home, I was bleeding bright red and regularly. Scott and I went to the hospital ER and I thought I was pretty calm and collected. I felt so horrible because all I could try to console myself was...hey there's two...if you lose one, you'll still have the other one. And there's got to be too small a chance that you would lose both. I was proud of myself for being so calm while checking in. I told scott to bring a book because I know trips to the ER always takes hours of waiting. I had all my information ready for the hospital. The guy who checked me in and asked me all sorts of questions was so nice and cheerful and I could tell he was trying to keep me distracted. Still, it hit me where I was and I had to look at Scott with tears welling in my eyes and fight back the tears. They took us right in and gave us a room and as soon as they left us alone, I started crying. I just sobbed and Scott hugged me. Maybe they heard my sobs through the hallway because we didn't wait more than ten minutes before the doctor came in. They had me change into a robe and told me they were going to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound.
The doctor was super nice and while he was waiting for the nurse to get some special light for his clear plastic speculum, he asked if he could do the ultrasound. He did a belly ultrasound, said that since I was past 8 weeks, they didn't have to do a vag-cam. And there on the screen was two little blobs. Oh, thank God they're still in there. And he tried to show us both their heartbeats. But it was a laptop screen and I was looking up at it so I could only see the bottom baby's heartbeat fluttering. But Scott said he saw only the top one...so between the two of us, we could confirm that the doctor wasn't lying to us out of pity. He couldn't find the source of the bleeding but said that it was perfectly possible that we go on to a normal pregnancy. He was very sweet and reassuring and patted my shoulder as he gave me the news. He asked again if I did IVF or IUI and I thought he needed to know for medical reasons. but then he said he and his wife are also trying to have a baby although they're not at IVF yet. Oh, he understands me.
That night it tapered back to spotting...then picked up to bleeding by the morning...and then back again to spotting. I saw my regular OB who fit me in and she was a lot less worried than me or the ER docs. She said it was normal and she was satisfied because they saw the heartbeats on the ultrasound. She said to take it easy and watch for cramping or pains. And my next ultrasound is a week away so that will be the perfect time to check back in with the babies.
Still spotting two days later but still confident that our babies are okay. God, protect them, we love them both already!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
8w2d Nausea controllable?
So, last night I actually felt okay. I tried real hard to be superproductive because who knows how long that feeling will last. I came home and Scott had made fried rice at my request. I ate like two bowls and stayed up late watching tv because I almost felt normal. I swear I wanted that feeling to last forever (without endangering my babies).
This morning I wasn't feeling great but I wasn't gagging or hacking. I think I made it worse by not eating anything but really, at this point, I have no clue what I can make myself eat anymore. The doctor's office called, they got my email even thought Dr. O-chun is on vacation so they brought me in. They said when I came in that they thought I would look worse, they were expecting to have to give me an IV. But they still took me seriously, checked my urine, it was not too high in proteins. The doc asked if I wanted to try medicine and I said "YAH YAH YAH."
So, I tried it, my nausea is very manageable now, but it still hasn't restored my appetite. I'm tempted to just not eat because I dont' want to. But I have been stuffing my mouth as much as I possibly can. I'm sucking on starburst right now. But it does make me super tired. I am at work and I finally had to ask to go lie down where I fell asleep on the floor for 30 minutes.
I have absolutely no spotting which is unusual for IVF twins, and I'm so thankful to God. I was a little worried because I'm hardly peeing but the doc says it's okay. My tests are still normal.
This morning I wasn't feeling great but I wasn't gagging or hacking. I think I made it worse by not eating anything but really, at this point, I have no clue what I can make myself eat anymore. The doctor's office called, they got my email even thought Dr. O-chun is on vacation so they brought me in. They said when I came in that they thought I would look worse, they were expecting to have to give me an IV. But they still took me seriously, checked my urine, it was not too high in proteins. The doc asked if I wanted to try medicine and I said "YAH YAH YAH."
So, I tried it, my nausea is very manageable now, but it still hasn't restored my appetite. I'm tempted to just not eat because I dont' want to. But I have been stuffing my mouth as much as I possibly can. I'm sucking on starburst right now. But it does make me super tired. I am at work and I finally had to ask to go lie down where I fell asleep on the floor for 30 minutes.
I have absolutely no spotting which is unusual for IVF twins, and I'm so thankful to God. I was a little worried because I'm hardly peeing but the doc says it's okay. My tests are still normal.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
8w1d Some days are better than others
God has given me respite. I started off super sick today but managed to actually eat a normal lunch. I'm at work and I've actually been able to do work. I guess some days are bad and some days are not as bad. I've decided to rejoice in a not-so-bad day and I'm working my tail off to get work done, because who knows what I'll be able to do tomorrow. Today I was feeling so bad at home, that I emailed my doctor and asked if she could prescribe anything for nausea. Just thinking about the possibility of medicine has given me hope, and thus has given me a bright spot in my days. I did have some Coke with my lunch. I hope not to overdo it, but I wonder if it has helped me feel better. I'm not feeling great but I don't feel half-bad.
I hope my twinnies are doing good. I know I'm just 8w1d, but since tomorrow is almost wednesday, the middle of the week, I feel like I'm just a week and a half away from my ultrasound, when it's actually 13 days.
I do feel like I'm not getting enough fluids. I've always been a peer but I drink tons of water. Now, I definitely don't drink that much water since I'm always breathing and concentrating on not gagging and not vomiting. I have to go to the bathroom often but I feel like I'm barely peeing when I do.
I hope my twinnies are doing good. I know I'm just 8w1d, but since tomorrow is almost wednesday, the middle of the week, I feel like I'm just a week and a half away from my ultrasound, when it's actually 13 days.
I do feel like I'm not getting enough fluids. I've always been a peer but I drink tons of water. Now, I definitely don't drink that much water since I'm always breathing and concentrating on not gagging and not vomiting. I have to go to the bathroom often but I feel like I'm barely peeing when I do.
Monday, March 22, 2010
8w0d pregnant and miserable
Pregnancy= 8 weeks exactly
Weight: 180.2 lb (I've lost 4 pounds in less than two weeks)
Symptoms: No energy, extreme nausea, depression
Aversions: all food
I've decided to make the title of today's post real and honest. I am so blessed. This is my dream, I am so grateful for this answer to so many of our prayers. I wouldn't give this up for the world. But I'm miserable every day, all day long. The nausea is getting worse and now there's little relief from it. I haven't thrown up yet, I just have that taste in my mouth and the urge nonstop. I feel sick all the time. I'm literally sitting here at work breathing slowly trying to keep my stomach contents down. I've tried every trick. I'm sitting here with sea bands (nausea acupressure wristbands) on, I've tried small meals, crackers, water. There's no difference. I feel sick when I haven't eaten. I feel sick when I do eat. Basically I force myself to eat because I know it necessary for my body. But I feel like I'm punishing myself when I eat, it's that miserable an experience. Still I've dropped 4 pounds in less than two weeks. I'm not concerned, I've read that's pretty normal. I actually do wish I threw up because maybe there's a chance there might be some relief.
My goal is to survive the next two weeks. I read somewhere that the hormones that aggravate the stomach should peak by week ten and you should feel some relief by week 12. So, if I can get through the next two weeks, then that should be the worst of it. I googled pregnant and miserable and found this blog with all these women sharing their experience. It was so wonderful. I'm not sharing that I'm pregnant with hardly anyone until we're through our first trimester. But it also means, I can't talk to people who have kids and get their advice and encouragment through this rough time. and since all the people I know didn't announce their pregnancies until the second trimester, I never really knew what they went through. We were already moving on to baby gender and possible names. and there's such a guilt associated with this. I thought you were supposed to love pregnancy. I hated feeling normal, I wanted to feel like this was real. Well, it's real, and um, now I want to feel normal. Be pregnant but feel normal. It feels like I have the stomach flu except this isn't going to get better in a few days.
Last week, I had a bit of a scare. I had to work overtime and was on my feet for hours and walking around carrying stuff. I started to get a pain below my belly button when I walked. The next day, i still had the same pain. It felt like I pulled a muscle when I walked. I called in sick and went to the doctor. I only had the sensation sometimes when I walked but not all the time. They couldn't figure it out but told me to put myself in bed for the next two days. They also said to tell my bosses at work and that I shouldn't work overtime anymore. I told my big boss today. I felt really weird telling him. I just blurted it out. I said I just wanted to be able to ask for help on big cases and I would break up my backpack (holds equipment for our job) into smaller bags.
Lord, I just pray that these next two weeks pass quickly. That my next ultrasound shows that our babies are healthy and growing right on target. And that my body is able to adjust to the hormones and start to feel healthy and normal again. Please, Lord.
Weight: 180.2 lb (I've lost 4 pounds in less than two weeks)
Symptoms: No energy, extreme nausea, depression
Aversions: all food
I've decided to make the title of today's post real and honest. I am so blessed. This is my dream, I am so grateful for this answer to so many of our prayers. I wouldn't give this up for the world. But I'm miserable every day, all day long. The nausea is getting worse and now there's little relief from it. I haven't thrown up yet, I just have that taste in my mouth and the urge nonstop. I feel sick all the time. I'm literally sitting here at work breathing slowly trying to keep my stomach contents down. I've tried every trick. I'm sitting here with sea bands (nausea acupressure wristbands) on, I've tried small meals, crackers, water. There's no difference. I feel sick when I haven't eaten. I feel sick when I do eat. Basically I force myself to eat because I know it necessary for my body. But I feel like I'm punishing myself when I eat, it's that miserable an experience. Still I've dropped 4 pounds in less than two weeks. I'm not concerned, I've read that's pretty normal. I actually do wish I threw up because maybe there's a chance there might be some relief.
My goal is to survive the next two weeks. I read somewhere that the hormones that aggravate the stomach should peak by week ten and you should feel some relief by week 12. So, if I can get through the next two weeks, then that should be the worst of it. I googled pregnant and miserable and found this blog with all these women sharing their experience. It was so wonderful. I'm not sharing that I'm pregnant with hardly anyone until we're through our first trimester. But it also means, I can't talk to people who have kids and get their advice and encouragment through this rough time. and since all the people I know didn't announce their pregnancies until the second trimester, I never really knew what they went through. We were already moving on to baby gender and possible names. and there's such a guilt associated with this. I thought you were supposed to love pregnancy. I hated feeling normal, I wanted to feel like this was real. Well, it's real, and um, now I want to feel normal. Be pregnant but feel normal. It feels like I have the stomach flu except this isn't going to get better in a few days.
Last week, I had a bit of a scare. I had to work overtime and was on my feet for hours and walking around carrying stuff. I started to get a pain below my belly button when I walked. The next day, i still had the same pain. It felt like I pulled a muscle when I walked. I called in sick and went to the doctor. I only had the sensation sometimes when I walked but not all the time. They couldn't figure it out but told me to put myself in bed for the next two days. They also said to tell my bosses at work and that I shouldn't work overtime anymore. I told my big boss today. I felt really weird telling him. I just blurted it out. I said I just wanted to be able to ask for help on big cases and I would break up my backpack (holds equipment for our job) into smaller bags.
Lord, I just pray that these next two weeks pass quickly. That my next ultrasound shows that our babies are healthy and growing right on target. And that my body is able to adjust to the hormones and start to feel healthy and normal again. Please, Lord.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
7w1d First prenatal appt.
Week 7 Day 1
Weight: 183 (ouch, I can't believe I'm posting that for everyone to see)
Symptoms: Complete lack of energy, consistent constant nausea all day loooooong
Cravings: anything that seems okay to eat
Aversions: creamy stuff (like mayo), fishy stuff (I always hated fish)
Well, I certainly asked God to feel pregnant. I can't believe that up until a week ago, I couldn't believe I was pregnant. Well, I never feel like throwing up or anything major...but I certainly believe I'm pregnant now. I just feel that yuckiness when you're feeling sick...when your tummy turns at the thought of certain foods...and walking around drains your energy. I haven't figured out the morning sickness (I mean all waking hour-sickness). I've read up tricks and tips. I feel fine the first hour after I wake up and then it begins (like a 3-4 out of 10) and then stays that way until bedtime. Sometimes i get moments of feeling good, it happens maybe three times a day but I haven't figured out the pattern.
I try eating saltine crackers first thing in the morning but it doesn't work. No bacon for me but so far I like Scottie's meatloaf. One day, I'm excited to eat something and the next day, it's the last thing I want to see in the world. I appear to have a one time window for everything.
Today I went to Kaiser for my first prenatal visit. I schedule my next ultrasound 3 weeks away which I figure at ten weeks will be past another big scheckpoint for me. It seems 9 weeks seems to be a scary chance for miscarriage. My doctor did say that with twins, you can miscarry at any time. Youch. So three weeks to go.
Five more weeks of this insane first trimester. How am I going to survive? I wish there was some way I could take off work and just lie in bed until this fatigue and nausea leave.
Weight: 183 (ouch, I can't believe I'm posting that for everyone to see)
Symptoms: Complete lack of energy, consistent constant nausea all day loooooong
Cravings: anything that seems okay to eat
Aversions: creamy stuff (like mayo), fishy stuff (I always hated fish)
Well, I certainly asked God to feel pregnant. I can't believe that up until a week ago, I couldn't believe I was pregnant. Well, I never feel like throwing up or anything major...but I certainly believe I'm pregnant now. I just feel that yuckiness when you're feeling sick...when your tummy turns at the thought of certain foods...and walking around drains your energy. I haven't figured out the morning sickness (I mean all waking hour-sickness). I've read up tricks and tips. I feel fine the first hour after I wake up and then it begins (like a 3-4 out of 10) and then stays that way until bedtime. Sometimes i get moments of feeling good, it happens maybe three times a day but I haven't figured out the pattern.
I try eating saltine crackers first thing in the morning but it doesn't work. No bacon for me but so far I like Scottie's meatloaf. One day, I'm excited to eat something and the next day, it's the last thing I want to see in the world. I appear to have a one time window for everything.
Today I went to Kaiser for my first prenatal visit. I schedule my next ultrasound 3 weeks away which I figure at ten weeks will be past another big scheckpoint for me. It seems 9 weeks seems to be a scary chance for miscarriage. My doctor did say that with twins, you can miscarry at any time. Youch. So three weeks to go.
Five more weeks of this insane first trimester. How am I going to survive? I wish there was some way I could take off work and just lie in bed until this fatigue and nausea leave.
Monday, March 15, 2010
7w0d Ultrasound and yes, symptoms
So, last week, week 6 of pregnancy was pathetically long and slow as I awaited my first ultrasound. I didn't feel pregnant, I don't feel different. I felt so healthy and strong that I prayed to God to give me confirmation, morning sickness, tender BB...just something to tide me over until the ultrasound. Although if I saw a heartbeat at the ultrasound, then I would take that prayer back because that would be my confirmation and I would love to be that rare few who barely feel any symptoms during pregnancy.
The past few days 6w4d on, I started to feel slightly queasy. So, much, that I felt like I was going mental and creating symptoms. This past weekend was my days off and I just lay in bed all day. It wasn't that I was sleepy or had to take naps (although I did a few times), it was just that I felt like I had no energy. Sitting up or walking around the house just tired me out immediately. My dreams of cleaning our dirty dirty house went down the drain and I wasted four hours sweeping broken up by lying down and watching tv. I can't figure out if I'm just being real lazy.
And I do feel queasy but if I think of something else, i can distract myself and i don't notice it until my mind drifts back to it. The symptoms are there but so mild that I could be imagining it or just taking everyday tiredness and making it into a mountain. I hope the ultrasound reveals I'm really pregnant so I can not feel completely mental.
This morning, Scott and I went to the first ultrasound. Scott is soo good, he woke up extra early and was doing his devotions. Granted, I feel sick and tired, but I had this thought, I hope his faith gets us brownie points.
The nurse at the IVF clinic who loves Scott practically giggled when she saw him in the hallway as we walked to our exam room. She hugged him and she hugged me too, but I think I was the afterthought.
The doctor came in and sat down and began the exam. He had the ultrasound machine facing him so we couldn't see and I saw him just staring at the screen, and he was clicking some button and I thought....OMG, he can't even find a sac. It's empty. I was already starting to cry, not because I was that certain it was bad, but just because the emotions of the moment were so overwhelming. I realized how critical the next few minutes were going to be in our lives.
Then I heard the nurse say "That's a positive, right, doctor?" And I saw him nod. Oh, the relief. He turned the machine to us and I saw two circles. My thorough education at google medical school, I realized that there were two sacs. Oh, I had thought we might have had two begin but one didn't make it which would explain why my HCG level went from above to just normal for a single pregnancy. He showed me the right and showed us the beautiful flicker of the heartbeat. He's so experienced at this. Tell me the good news, and then break it to us gently that we had a second one but it didn't make it. Then, he moves the scan to the second circle and says "here's the second pregnancy and right there..." and I saw another flickr.
Two!!! Two babies. It was awesome. Scott leaned forward and we both were so shocked...we're having two. I said "really? I thought we were just having one...my hcg levels were not high enough for two." And the nurse nodded and said "yah, you're right. You're absolutely right." Scott had his videocamera so he taped the screen for a couple seconds although they printed out pictures anyway. Both babies are measuring 6w6d, perfect.
It's awesome, it's like we just found out we're pregnant. This is the joy, that "aha" moment that we didn't really have when we found out we're pregnant. We kept looking at our ultrasound pictures...seeing two little blobs.
So, now we get to use our second fake name. Baby Joash and Baby Manassah. That will be how we refer to them until they're born and we choose real names. Baby J and Baby M.
Now, I know I'm not being mental. I realize that I'm beyond fatigued and my queasiness lasts all day. When I wake up, I feel absolutely fine. Then about two hours later, the queasiness settles in and lasts all day. I think there's maybe two hours worth of time that I feel absolutely fine. Haven't figured out how to combat it. It's just queasiness, moderate nausea. I never feel like I have to run to the bathroom. I do avoid looking at strong foods, tuna, or mayonaise. But I always disliked those foods.
Fatigue is a different story. I sleep tons but I still feel like I'm sick, that feeling of absolutely no energy. I called in sick today. I don't know how I'm going to make it for another five weeks in secrecy. How am I going to work? I can't even function at home. Hopefully, now that God has given me wonderful confirmation, I can do without the fatigue now. That's my prayer!!
The past few days 6w4d on, I started to feel slightly queasy. So, much, that I felt like I was going mental and creating symptoms. This past weekend was my days off and I just lay in bed all day. It wasn't that I was sleepy or had to take naps (although I did a few times), it was just that I felt like I had no energy. Sitting up or walking around the house just tired me out immediately. My dreams of cleaning our dirty dirty house went down the drain and I wasted four hours sweeping broken up by lying down and watching tv. I can't figure out if I'm just being real lazy.
And I do feel queasy but if I think of something else, i can distract myself and i don't notice it until my mind drifts back to it. The symptoms are there but so mild that I could be imagining it or just taking everyday tiredness and making it into a mountain. I hope the ultrasound reveals I'm really pregnant so I can not feel completely mental.
This morning, Scott and I went to the first ultrasound. Scott is soo good, he woke up extra early and was doing his devotions. Granted, I feel sick and tired, but I had this thought, I hope his faith gets us brownie points.
The nurse at the IVF clinic who loves Scott practically giggled when she saw him in the hallway as we walked to our exam room. She hugged him and she hugged me too, but I think I was the afterthought.
The doctor came in and sat down and began the exam. He had the ultrasound machine facing him so we couldn't see and I saw him just staring at the screen, and he was clicking some button and I thought....OMG, he can't even find a sac. It's empty. I was already starting to cry, not because I was that certain it was bad, but just because the emotions of the moment were so overwhelming. I realized how critical the next few minutes were going to be in our lives.
Then I heard the nurse say "That's a positive, right, doctor?" And I saw him nod. Oh, the relief. He turned the machine to us and I saw two circles. My thorough education at google medical school, I realized that there were two sacs. Oh, I had thought we might have had two begin but one didn't make it which would explain why my HCG level went from above to just normal for a single pregnancy. He showed me the right and showed us the beautiful flicker of the heartbeat. He's so experienced at this. Tell me the good news, and then break it to us gently that we had a second one but it didn't make it. Then, he moves the scan to the second circle and says "here's the second pregnancy and right there..." and I saw another flickr.
Two!!! Two babies. It was awesome. Scott leaned forward and we both were so shocked...we're having two. I said "really? I thought we were just having one...my hcg levels were not high enough for two." And the nurse nodded and said "yah, you're right. You're absolutely right." Scott had his videocamera so he taped the screen for a couple seconds although they printed out pictures anyway. Both babies are measuring 6w6d, perfect.
It's awesome, it's like we just found out we're pregnant. This is the joy, that "aha" moment that we didn't really have when we found out we're pregnant. We kept looking at our ultrasound pictures...seeing two little blobs.
So, now we get to use our second fake name. Baby Joash and Baby Manassah. That will be how we refer to them until they're born and we choose real names. Baby J and Baby M.
Now, I know I'm not being mental. I realize that I'm beyond fatigued and my queasiness lasts all day. When I wake up, I feel absolutely fine. Then about two hours later, the queasiness settles in and lasts all day. I think there's maybe two hours worth of time that I feel absolutely fine. Haven't figured out how to combat it. It's just queasiness, moderate nausea. I never feel like I have to run to the bathroom. I do avoid looking at strong foods, tuna, or mayonaise. But I always disliked those foods.
Fatigue is a different story. I sleep tons but I still feel like I'm sick, that feeling of absolutely no energy. I called in sick today. I don't know how I'm going to make it for another five weeks in secrecy. How am I going to work? I can't even function at home. Hopefully, now that God has given me wonderful confirmation, I can do without the fatigue now. That's my prayer!!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
6w2d Nervous about first ultrasound
Pregnancy count: 6w2d
Weight gained: 3 lb (may be completely contributed to our trip to Vegas this past weekend and our redeeming 2 for 1 coupons at buffets)
Our first ultrasound is on Monday, I'll be exactly at seven weeks then. I am so scared. The days are just ticking by. My first and only pregnancy, I miscarried at 6 weeks or just a day before 6 weeks actually. Thank God, I was on vacation and we were in Vegas so I wasn't tormenting myself at work. I must say, that once I passed that day, I was hugely relieved. Now, I'm worried because I know there are not always signs of a miscarriage. my biggest fear is there being no baby or heartbeat on Monday's ultrasound. I know that is a possibility that has happened to girls I know. I'm on survival mode to just get to Monday now.
I have been preoccupied with googling every day. It was a count that I obsessed with. I would google 5w4d all day, and just read every link, forum discussion, and blog post by people about their 5w4d experience. Then the next morning, I would start all over with 5w5d. Scott's sister asked why I was always on my phone and I just said "googling." I also obsessed over my lack of symptoms. I have slightly sensitive boobies but they've definitely mellowed out although I do check every day. Absolutely no nausea or heartburn or anything. I have to pee no more than usual...I wake up 2 or 3 times a night to pee but I also drink a lot of liquids at night so that is not uncommon for me. So, google has me looking up morning sickness and the lack there of nonstop. I'm even praying for it. Call me sick but it would be worth it to be that sick just to have some reassurance. I know that 15% of women never feel nausea but I also would like to feel that there are hormones going crazy in my body.
The day before we left our trip, I took a third beta test and it came back
1364
About 150 lower than I would have liked. Still in the average mode, but it did mean that the doubling rate slowed from 30 hours to 49 hours. I read that it is normal for it to slow down as you approach week five and six, but I definitely started to feel sick. My graph went from being above average to just being average...which would be okay if I started off average. I don't want it slowing down. So worry commenses.
I read that exhaustion and fatigue are the biggest signs of early pregnancy. I have been a little more tired the past week but I also had to work overtime right before our trip. I fell asleep before Scott every night on our trip which is abnormal for me but it wasn't like I was exhausted all day long. I told Scott I think because I hardly sleep normally, sleeping full 8-10 hour nights maybe is extreme fatigue to me.
We got back a day and a half ago and I do feel really tired. No energy...just lazy. I have felt the slightest bit of nausea but so slight that I'm not sure if I'm not imagining it. And I do make it worse because as soon as I wake up, I try to imagine eating different foods to test if it makes me nauseous. After a while, I do start to feel a little sick, but I never want to eat in the mornings.
So, if this ill feeling continues or progresses, I can count yesterday and today as nausea. If I feel perfectly normal, then I'll know it was just me making myself sick.
So, Nausea POSSIBLY starts for me
6w1d
Weight gained: 3 lb (may be completely contributed to our trip to Vegas this past weekend and our redeeming 2 for 1 coupons at buffets)
Our first ultrasound is on Monday, I'll be exactly at seven weeks then. I am so scared. The days are just ticking by. My first and only pregnancy, I miscarried at 6 weeks or just a day before 6 weeks actually. Thank God, I was on vacation and we were in Vegas so I wasn't tormenting myself at work. I must say, that once I passed that day, I was hugely relieved. Now, I'm worried because I know there are not always signs of a miscarriage. my biggest fear is there being no baby or heartbeat on Monday's ultrasound. I know that is a possibility that has happened to girls I know. I'm on survival mode to just get to Monday now.
I have been preoccupied with googling every day. It was a count that I obsessed with. I would google 5w4d all day, and just read every link, forum discussion, and blog post by people about their 5w4d experience. Then the next morning, I would start all over with 5w5d. Scott's sister asked why I was always on my phone and I just said "googling." I also obsessed over my lack of symptoms. I have slightly sensitive boobies but they've definitely mellowed out although I do check every day. Absolutely no nausea or heartburn or anything. I have to pee no more than usual...I wake up 2 or 3 times a night to pee but I also drink a lot of liquids at night so that is not uncommon for me. So, google has me looking up morning sickness and the lack there of nonstop. I'm even praying for it. Call me sick but it would be worth it to be that sick just to have some reassurance. I know that 15% of women never feel nausea but I also would like to feel that there are hormones going crazy in my body.
The day before we left our trip, I took a third beta test and it came back
1364
About 150 lower than I would have liked. Still in the average mode, but it did mean that the doubling rate slowed from 30 hours to 49 hours. I read that it is normal for it to slow down as you approach week five and six, but I definitely started to feel sick. My graph went from being above average to just being average...which would be okay if I started off average. I don't want it slowing down. So worry commenses.
I read that exhaustion and fatigue are the biggest signs of early pregnancy. I have been a little more tired the past week but I also had to work overtime right before our trip. I fell asleep before Scott every night on our trip which is abnormal for me but it wasn't like I was exhausted all day long. I told Scott I think because I hardly sleep normally, sleeping full 8-10 hour nights maybe is extreme fatigue to me.
We got back a day and a half ago and I do feel really tired. No energy...just lazy. I have felt the slightest bit of nausea but so slight that I'm not sure if I'm not imagining it. And I do make it worse because as soon as I wake up, I try to imagine eating different foods to test if it makes me nauseous. After a while, I do start to feel a little sick, but I never want to eat in the mornings.
So, if this ill feeling continues or progresses, I can count yesterday and today as nausea. If I feel perfectly normal, then I'll know it was just me making myself sick.
So, Nausea POSSIBLY starts for me
6w1d
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