8dp5dt Woke up with the typical morning pee test. It was there..but it seemed to me to be fainter than yesterday's line. Scott says it was wider. I feel almost no symptoms. I'm thinking this doesn't seem like good news.
I go in for my second beta test and they tell me they'll give me a call around lunch. They do...to congratulate us. They said my numbers were good but I insisted on knowing
First beta (6dp5dt or 11 dpo) = 26
Second beta (8dp5dt or 13 dpo)= 69
It more than doubled!!!! I looked up values and I was a little disappointed that they weren't higher. They're normal to above normal for a single baby pregnancy, but I am hoping for twins. One, those our babies and I want all of them. And it cost us so much money, I am kind of hoping for more for our money=) The sad infertile part of me also thinks that there's so much that can happen in the first trimester, I've already had a miscarriage. If there were two, I had a better chance. Scott and I just want a baby...babies...we want a family. So, if it's just one...as long as he/she stays with us ...then we couldn't be happier.
Praise the Lord!!!
Ultrasound is in two weeks. This will be the longest two weeks of my life. Pray that my beta keeps rising and that the heart starts beating while we're in vegas next week.
Due date for one baby-November 1
Due date for two babies-October 15
Sunday, February 21, 2010
3dp5dt through 7dp5dt HPTs (Feb 16-20)
So, I thought this was so great because instead of waiting two weeks after ovulation before knowing if it worked out or not...I only had to wait 8 days after the transfer to get the final tests results. Simple...you think I could have made it.
I remembered the fact that only once have I ever seen a BFP, a positive line on a home pregnancy test. And that was four months into this over 2 year journey when I didn't know squat about fertility and infertility and abbreviations up the ying yang. So, I kicked myself for not testing right away. Before the egg retrieval, you inject yourself with HCG to mature the eggs before collection, HCG being the same hormone your body will produce when pregnant...what a HPT will look for. The shot is called a trigger shot. So, I decided I might as well take this opportunity to see what a positive test is supposed to be like. They say it can take up to 2 weeks for the trigger shot to dissipate in your body but it can disappear earlier.
(3 days past 5 day embryo transfer)
3dp5dt Tried the HPT. Nothing... just blank whiteness...a familiar sight to me. Great, I must have missed my chance. The trigger is gone and now if I don't get pregnant, I'll never get to see two lines. Waved that stick under every light possible but couldn't see a thing.
4dp5dt Walked away and almost threw it away ten minutes later when I saw the faintest line. I almost might have missed it but I saw it. I dug the previous day's stick out of the trash (it was just paper trash peeps). Now that I knew where to look, there I saw it...that faint line. It must have shown up a little faster today. Hope suddenly bloomed and took root. I spent hours googling 4dp5dt and trigger. Is this trigger? Darn, everything says it's too early and you really shouldn't see any pregnancy-induced hormones to at least 5dp5dt.
5dp5dt There's that second line...and it's darker. Still, this is way early. Every source says it's possible but rare to test positive for pregnancy this early. The line was darker and appeared within 3 minutes this time. Course, my rampant googling research found a blogger who said her trigger line seemed to disappear one day and then reappeared the next day and then disappeared again. Now, I'm just living to get to the next morning to test again. Praying praying. Please...even if this is only the trigger...please let that line still be there the next day.
6dp6dt The second line...its darker. If you put all the sticks side by side...and I do, you can see the progression. Now googling, more and more sources are saying that this is for real. Not the trigger. I think I'm pregnant. I go in for my first beta but they say that won't give me any results until my second beta test two days later.
7dp7dt two lines. One more day until I find out for real. Now, I'm gripped with an insane fear that these boxes of HPT's that I bought off Amazon might be defective. I literally had enough to test every day until the final beta. i wish I had just one more so I could do a negative control. Suddenly, I'm thinking about how foolish I would be if I showed up to my beta and I was zero. I checked the boxes and they don't expire for two more months but still...this has to be a joke.
Because I still have this ace up my sleeves, these two lines...I am a lot more confident going in for my blood tests. I'm now 60% sure that it worked. I don't know where the trigger fits in but I started testing positive early so maybe I have twinnies in there. Oh, please please please. I didn't want to tell Scott yet because I know that HPT's can give you false positives, or you can have chemical pregnancies (your body releases hormones but isn't really pregnant), or my betas may be too low or not rising fast enough meaning that the pregnancy isn't viable. I've seen it happen in too many blogs. I've been exposed to it enough that I know there's tons of hurdles...but Scott doesn't read those blogs. I feel like it's my job to protect him. I decide to take the last HPT test and if the doc delivers great beta news, I'll make a grand announcement and surprise him.
Still, we go out to dinner the night before the big day where we find out and I worry that he's worrying. I want him to keep praying but have hope...so I spill the beans. I tell him that I've been testing all week and it's been a positive. He couldn't believe I didn't tell him. And then when I told him I wanted to make a big surprise for him, he pointed out that I couldn't keep a secret and I told him over chicken and rice plate lunch.
I remembered the fact that only once have I ever seen a BFP, a positive line on a home pregnancy test. And that was four months into this over 2 year journey when I didn't know squat about fertility and infertility and abbreviations up the ying yang. So, I kicked myself for not testing right away. Before the egg retrieval, you inject yourself with HCG to mature the eggs before collection, HCG being the same hormone your body will produce when pregnant...what a HPT will look for. The shot is called a trigger shot. So, I decided I might as well take this opportunity to see what a positive test is supposed to be like. They say it can take up to 2 weeks for the trigger shot to dissipate in your body but it can disappear earlier.
(3 days past 5 day embryo transfer)
3dp5dt Tried the HPT. Nothing... just blank whiteness...a familiar sight to me. Great, I must have missed my chance. The trigger is gone and now if I don't get pregnant, I'll never get to see two lines. Waved that stick under every light possible but couldn't see a thing.
4dp5dt Walked away and almost threw it away ten minutes later when I saw the faintest line. I almost might have missed it but I saw it. I dug the previous day's stick out of the trash (it was just paper trash peeps). Now that I knew where to look, there I saw it...that faint line. It must have shown up a little faster today. Hope suddenly bloomed and took root. I spent hours googling 4dp5dt and trigger. Is this trigger? Darn, everything says it's too early and you really shouldn't see any pregnancy-induced hormones to at least 5dp5dt.
5dp5dt There's that second line...and it's darker. Still, this is way early. Every source says it's possible but rare to test positive for pregnancy this early. The line was darker and appeared within 3 minutes this time. Course, my rampant googling research found a blogger who said her trigger line seemed to disappear one day and then reappeared the next day and then disappeared again. Now, I'm just living to get to the next morning to test again. Praying praying. Please...even if this is only the trigger...please let that line still be there the next day.
6dp6dt The second line...its darker. If you put all the sticks side by side...and I do, you can see the progression. Now googling, more and more sources are saying that this is for real. Not the trigger. I think I'm pregnant. I go in for my first beta but they say that won't give me any results until my second beta test two days later.
7dp7dt two lines. One more day until I find out for real. Now, I'm gripped with an insane fear that these boxes of HPT's that I bought off Amazon might be defective. I literally had enough to test every day until the final beta. i wish I had just one more so I could do a negative control. Suddenly, I'm thinking about how foolish I would be if I showed up to my beta and I was zero. I checked the boxes and they don't expire for two more months but still...this has to be a joke.
Because I still have this ace up my sleeves, these two lines...I am a lot more confident going in for my blood tests. I'm now 60% sure that it worked. I don't know where the trigger fits in but I started testing positive early so maybe I have twinnies in there. Oh, please please please. I didn't want to tell Scott yet because I know that HPT's can give you false positives, or you can have chemical pregnancies (your body releases hormones but isn't really pregnant), or my betas may be too low or not rising fast enough meaning that the pregnancy isn't viable. I've seen it happen in too many blogs. I've been exposed to it enough that I know there's tons of hurdles...but Scott doesn't read those blogs. I feel like it's my job to protect him. I decide to take the last HPT test and if the doc delivers great beta news, I'll make a grand announcement and surprise him.
Still, we go out to dinner the night before the big day where we find out and I worry that he's worrying. I want him to keep praying but have hope...so I spill the beans. I tell him that I've been testing all week and it's been a positive. He couldn't believe I didn't tell him. And then when I told him I wanted to make a big surprise for him, he pointed out that I couldn't keep a secret and I told him over chicken and rice plate lunch.
Monday, February 15, 2010
2dp5dt
2 days past a 5 day transfer
Sigh...bedrest coming to an end. I suck at bedrest. I have so much crap to do. I took off from my job but I still had a huge deadline this weekend that will take me all week. I had dreams of doing work in bed so I didn't think twice about the deadline and kind of counted on my three days of bedrest. But I never really thought about how I was going to have a laptop in bed. The nurse told me to keep heat away from my stomach and my laptop is an oven. So, yesterday after googling, I started to sit on a chair next to my bed and work on a tray. Today, I'm ending my confinement in bed. I feel like a prisoner. It doesn't help that well...our house...is always full of people. We have a roommate and I couldnt' figure out a way to explain why I wasn't coming out of my room for three days so I told her the morning of my transfer what was happening. We also have a couple from another country staying with us. What bad timing but what can we do. My husband stays with them every year he goes to that country. I'm not telling them what's going on so Scott just told them that I'm feeling under the weather. But we have friends who come over every Sunday night so last night the house was filled with people and I felt like I had to sneak to the bathroom to pee. I hate the feeling of being trapped. I just don't want people to ask me how I feel or if I feel better. I hate it.
My husband's job involves people and it involves weekends. But it meant, Saturday we came back from our transfer and he had to leave for a dinner. The next morning he was gone, he came home for an hour, then he left for the birthday party of our best friend's baby girl, then he had dinner and people over last night. This morning, he had another event for work and tonight he's having a dinner for our guests from out of country. I don't fault him because we couldn't possibly know our transfer would fall on the weekend of valentines, a holiday, and Chinese New Year's all together. But I wish we could have an empty house and just hang out together...not in my room cave.
At least i'm happy everyone is at the dinner right now because I'm out of my cave and working on my deadline.
No symptoms. Feeling super normal and super strong. What can I say? I'm anxious and scared to no end....but I'll know in six days.
Sigh...bedrest coming to an end. I suck at bedrest. I have so much crap to do. I took off from my job but I still had a huge deadline this weekend that will take me all week. I had dreams of doing work in bed so I didn't think twice about the deadline and kind of counted on my three days of bedrest. But I never really thought about how I was going to have a laptop in bed. The nurse told me to keep heat away from my stomach and my laptop is an oven. So, yesterday after googling, I started to sit on a chair next to my bed and work on a tray. Today, I'm ending my confinement in bed. I feel like a prisoner. It doesn't help that well...our house...is always full of people. We have a roommate and I couldnt' figure out a way to explain why I wasn't coming out of my room for three days so I told her the morning of my transfer what was happening. We also have a couple from another country staying with us. What bad timing but what can we do. My husband stays with them every year he goes to that country. I'm not telling them what's going on so Scott just told them that I'm feeling under the weather. But we have friends who come over every Sunday night so last night the house was filled with people and I felt like I had to sneak to the bathroom to pee. I hate the feeling of being trapped. I just don't want people to ask me how I feel or if I feel better. I hate it.
My husband's job involves people and it involves weekends. But it meant, Saturday we came back from our transfer and he had to leave for a dinner. The next morning he was gone, he came home for an hour, then he left for the birthday party of our best friend's baby girl, then he had dinner and people over last night. This morning, he had another event for work and tonight he's having a dinner for our guests from out of country. I don't fault him because we couldn't possibly know our transfer would fall on the weekend of valentines, a holiday, and Chinese New Year's all together. But I wish we could have an empty house and just hang out together...not in my room cave.
At least i'm happy everyone is at the dinner right now because I'm out of my cave and working on my deadline.
No symptoms. Feeling super normal and super strong. What can I say? I'm anxious and scared to no end....but I'll know in six days.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Yesterday was embryo transfer day
Yesterday was my embryo transfer day. We showed up fifteen minutes early for our appointment and they showed me into the same room that my egg retrieval was. Our favorite Chinese nurse was with us...you know, she's grown to be my favorite nurse. They had me change bottoms down behind a curtain and then lie down. Scott and I just sat there, it took a while...we probably waited an hour.
The doc who came in was really nice. He was "jolly" as Scott whispered to me. So, this was a little nervous because I knew there was going to be no anesthesia. He tells us that we have
out of
17 egg restrieved
9 eggs fertilized
_____________
6 embryos made it
He said we had 2 embryos that were of good quality which we would receive today and the other four were of fair to good quality and we could freeze and use in the future. Awesome...that' what we really want.
The procedure wasn't painful but it wasn't fun. They put the speculum in which is cold and uncomfortable. Then he said my cervix was too high so he had me cough a couple times which he says pushes the uterus down. Okay. Then...he says this..."Hmmm, I'm still having trouble, I'm going to need to use forceps and grasp your forceps." !!!! He said it would be a twinge of pain...huge understatement. I wanted to be all relaxed so the uterus would be a calm place for our embryos. Nope, I was pretty tense. I told Scott imagine if someoen was using tongs to grasp your rectum. I think that's a fair equivalent. Sorry, if so gross but that's the best fit.
The nurse was real motherly and rubbed my arm and reassured me. They put in two embryos...I had to look away when they brought them in in the super long needle. Then they left me to lay there and rest for half an hour. I dressed and they sent us on our way.
I had a good friend who went through this insist on complete bedrest. Hmm, it's a little too hard to have complete bedrest but I'm living in our bedroom. It's hard not to go out and about and be normal. And eating meals is tough. I already spilled shoyu on the bedsheet. I did look up research and it does say that there's no research that indicates that bedrest has any advantage...but I do agree that I need to just be completely rested and do nothing.
A week from today is our beta test.
The doc who came in was really nice. He was "jolly" as Scott whispered to me. So, this was a little nervous because I knew there was going to be no anesthesia. He tells us that we have
out of
17 egg restrieved
9 eggs fertilized
_____________
6 embryos made it
He said we had 2 embryos that were of good quality which we would receive today and the other four were of fair to good quality and we could freeze and use in the future. Awesome...that' what we really want.
The procedure wasn't painful but it wasn't fun. They put the speculum in which is cold and uncomfortable. Then he said my cervix was too high so he had me cough a couple times which he says pushes the uterus down. Okay. Then...he says this..."Hmmm, I'm still having trouble, I'm going to need to use forceps and grasp your forceps." !!!! He said it would be a twinge of pain...huge understatement. I wanted to be all relaxed so the uterus would be a calm place for our embryos. Nope, I was pretty tense. I told Scott imagine if someoen was using tongs to grasp your rectum. I think that's a fair equivalent. Sorry, if so gross but that's the best fit.
The nurse was real motherly and rubbed my arm and reassured me. They put in two embryos...I had to look away when they brought them in in the super long needle. Then they left me to lay there and rest for half an hour. I dressed and they sent us on our way.
I had a good friend who went through this insist on complete bedrest. Hmm, it's a little too hard to have complete bedrest but I'm living in our bedroom. It's hard not to go out and about and be normal. And eating meals is tough. I already spilled shoyu on the bedsheet. I did look up research and it does say that there's no research that indicates that bedrest has any advantage...but I do agree that I need to just be completely rested and do nothing.
A week from today is our beta test.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
My body can do everything but...
...make babies on its own.
3rd progesterone shot done this morning. So far, easy. I read about people having to ice for half an hour before and then heating pad for half hour afterward. Nope, I stand there, small pinch, a dart of pain, a shot, then I'm done and no pain. Yesterday, the recovery doctors were amazed that i woke up so quickly, had no nausea or cramping at all and almost no bleeding. Yah, my body is pretty damn strong and healthy...except for the one thing I really want it to do. Come on sucker!!!!
Call from the clinice. Of the
17 eggs retrieved
9 eggs fertilized
Now, is the next step, praying that they keep running the race. All grade A embryo's please. All implantations. I want nine children (over the course of the next years of course sillies). Nervous.
Tomorrow they call with the update. Not all fertilized eggs grow and the next few days are critical. I am praying that they divide and keep dividing and they're all genetically healthy. Pray with me please.
3rd progesterone shot done this morning. So far, easy. I read about people having to ice for half an hour before and then heating pad for half hour afterward. Nope, I stand there, small pinch, a dart of pain, a shot, then I'm done and no pain. Yesterday, the recovery doctors were amazed that i woke up so quickly, had no nausea or cramping at all and almost no bleeding. Yah, my body is pretty damn strong and healthy...except for the one thing I really want it to do. Come on sucker!!!!
Call from the clinice. Of the
17 eggs retrieved
9 eggs fertilized
Now, is the next step, praying that they keep running the race. All grade A embryo's please. All implantations. I want nine children (over the course of the next years of course sillies). Nervous.
Tomorrow they call with the update. Not all fertilized eggs grow and the next few days are critical. I am praying that they divide and keep dividing and they're all genetically healthy. Pray with me please.
Egg Retrieval- Check
17 eggs recovered.
I was super nervous and anxious last night. I've never gone under anesthesia. I wasn't afraid of pain, I was afraid of the sensation of falling asleep and losing that control. I had laughing gas when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I hated the first ten seconds of it....LOVED the next 35 minutes but that first ten seconds freaked me out. So, it took me a while to sleep.
This morning, first progesterone shot. Not bad. I hope we have to keep this up for three months if we get pregnant but I am sure that my butt is going to get resistant at some point.
Since I knew I couldn't eat or drink, it was all I could obsess about the minute my eyes opened. I was allowed to brush my teeth and I reveled in washing my mouth out with water. Didn't swallow any though. I follow rules.
We were told to go to the hospital basement...but not where to go. So we wandered around these gray hallways until we found a desk. they said we were supposed to go to the 1st floor, no, I insisted that they said to go to the basement. I know my details, girlie. The nurse comes and finds us and takes us into a tiny room. She says I'm going to change there into the gown and she'll take me into "the" room and scott can leave. Um, where is he going to go? I was told not to worry, he could come back and get me when I was done. What? I thought he would sit in the room and they would wheel me back in where he would be waiting. That's what I saw in those plastic surgeon offices on Dr. 90210 on tv. I asked if I could bring my book and was told no. sheesh, i was all prepared for some lounging.
They take me into the egg retrieval room where I see the bed with stirrups waiting for me and my breathing starts to get faster. I tell anyone and everyone that I'm scared of anesthesia, that's the scary part. So the anesthesiologist assures me that I'm going to be fine. She's surprised I've never gone under. I only had laughing gas and I fought it for the first 10 seconds. They have monitors on me so I hear my the beep of my heart rate. So, she puts in the IV and then she says, this first drug is going to make you drowsy. I hear the beep of my heart rate monitor machine jump and accelerate and I think "great, I'm going to have a heart attack and I'm going to actually get to hear it happen." I felt like when you take melatonin. Immediately, my lungs feel heavy and I freak out so I start concentrating on breathing...and I must have fallen asleep, because next thing I know these hands are propping me up and telling me that I'm done and they're moving me onto the gurney. Well, that's it. I'm done.
They took me into the post-anesthesia room to monitor my waking up and it takes me ten minutes before I'm fully alert. But, I don't have glasses on so I'm blind as a bat and trying to look everywhere. The machine is taking my blood pressure every five minutes and I'm squinting as hard as I can to try to see the numbers. I have really low blood pressure and I always like to know what it was. the nurse was real surprised by how fast I woke up. But the recovery rooms weren't ready for me so I had to wait another half hour in this intermediate room.
Finally, they take me into the reovery room where I'm by myself behind a curtain and I HAVE a little tv. They give me my bag with stuff and I pull out my glasses. I CAN SEE!!. Best part, they give me a cold Sprite. I don't even like Sprite but it was the best thing I ever tasted. I think I'm going to be a Sprite fan from now on. They bring in Scott, it's already been 2.5 hours since I last saw him. I excitedly point out my Sprite and the tv. They tell me that as soon as I'm hydrated and I can pee (I have to show them, eeewughww) they can discharge me. So, I suck away at that straw.
45 minutes later, Scott is not the most patient. He keeps asking "do you have to pee yet?" Nope, not yet. Then he starts giving me this look and shaking his head.
"What?"
"How are you not finished with that soda yet? It's been like forever."
"Um, you know I'm a sipper. I'm trying my best."
2 seconds later I finish the soda. I call the nurse to ask if I should try to use the bathroom even if I don't feel the urge yet. She tells me to wait. 5 min go by and now Scott is pacing the small room. A nurse he is not. He gets impatient and says he's going to use the bathroom. He ran into the nurse outside and he said something because they both came in and she suggested I use the bathroom. Turns out I could go and we could leave. Thank God because I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything in almost 20 hours.
They told Scott they got 17 eggs. That's incredible. I know a lot aren't mature but still at least starting with a better number than I thought.
I was super nervous and anxious last night. I've never gone under anesthesia. I wasn't afraid of pain, I was afraid of the sensation of falling asleep and losing that control. I had laughing gas when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I hated the first ten seconds of it....LOVED the next 35 minutes but that first ten seconds freaked me out. So, it took me a while to sleep.
This morning, first progesterone shot. Not bad. I hope we have to keep this up for three months if we get pregnant but I am sure that my butt is going to get resistant at some point.
Since I knew I couldn't eat or drink, it was all I could obsess about the minute my eyes opened. I was allowed to brush my teeth and I reveled in washing my mouth out with water. Didn't swallow any though. I follow rules.
We were told to go to the hospital basement...but not where to go. So we wandered around these gray hallways until we found a desk. they said we were supposed to go to the 1st floor, no, I insisted that they said to go to the basement. I know my details, girlie. The nurse comes and finds us and takes us into a tiny room. She says I'm going to change there into the gown and she'll take me into "the" room and scott can leave. Um, where is he going to go? I was told not to worry, he could come back and get me when I was done. What? I thought he would sit in the room and they would wheel me back in where he would be waiting. That's what I saw in those plastic surgeon offices on Dr. 90210 on tv. I asked if I could bring my book and was told no. sheesh, i was all prepared for some lounging.
They take me into the egg retrieval room where I see the bed with stirrups waiting for me and my breathing starts to get faster. I tell anyone and everyone that I'm scared of anesthesia, that's the scary part. So the anesthesiologist assures me that I'm going to be fine. She's surprised I've never gone under. I only had laughing gas and I fought it for the first 10 seconds. They have monitors on me so I hear my the beep of my heart rate. So, she puts in the IV and then she says, this first drug is going to make you drowsy. I hear the beep of my heart rate monitor machine jump and accelerate and I think "great, I'm going to have a heart attack and I'm going to actually get to hear it happen." I felt like when you take melatonin. Immediately, my lungs feel heavy and I freak out so I start concentrating on breathing...and I must have fallen asleep, because next thing I know these hands are propping me up and telling me that I'm done and they're moving me onto the gurney. Well, that's it. I'm done.
They took me into the post-anesthesia room to monitor my waking up and it takes me ten minutes before I'm fully alert. But, I don't have glasses on so I'm blind as a bat and trying to look everywhere. The machine is taking my blood pressure every five minutes and I'm squinting as hard as I can to try to see the numbers. I have really low blood pressure and I always like to know what it was. the nurse was real surprised by how fast I woke up. But the recovery rooms weren't ready for me so I had to wait another half hour in this intermediate room.
Finally, they take me into the reovery room where I'm by myself behind a curtain and I HAVE a little tv. They give me my bag with stuff and I pull out my glasses. I CAN SEE!!. Best part, they give me a cold Sprite. I don't even like Sprite but it was the best thing I ever tasted. I think I'm going to be a Sprite fan from now on. They bring in Scott, it's already been 2.5 hours since I last saw him. I excitedly point out my Sprite and the tv. They tell me that as soon as I'm hydrated and I can pee (I have to show them, eeewughww) they can discharge me. So, I suck away at that straw.
45 minutes later, Scott is not the most patient. He keeps asking "do you have to pee yet?" Nope, not yet. Then he starts giving me this look and shaking his head.
"What?"
"How are you not finished with that soda yet? It's been like forever."
"Um, you know I'm a sipper. I'm trying my best."
2 seconds later I finish the soda. I call the nurse to ask if I should try to use the bathroom even if I don't feel the urge yet. She tells me to wait. 5 min go by and now Scott is pacing the small room. A nurse he is not. He gets impatient and says he's going to use the bathroom. He ran into the nurse outside and he said something because they both came in and she suggested I use the bathroom. Turns out I could go and we could leave. Thank God because I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything in almost 20 hours.
They told Scott they got 17 eggs. That's incredible. I know a lot aren't mature but still at least starting with a better number than I thought.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Last u/s
Yesterday was my last ultrasound.
Let's just say that I go to a clinic so I have had four visits with four different doctors. I don't really care...they say you can say which one you prefer. We actually went there for one specific doctor who has been working with my hubby but then he left the clinic to start his own business in the future, but we're already past the point of no-return.
So, this one walked in, an older fellow...and he must have said at least 4 or 5 times during my exam "you have a very nice pelvis." I almost laughed out loud. What am I supposed to say to that? Being polite, I, of course, I said "thank you" each time but it was real awkward. My largest follie was at 18 mm but I had to ask...another doc who doesn't say it out loud. I now know which doc I like, but it's too late. They tell me that I'm set for my trigger shot and my ER, egg retrieval is set for Monday. The doc tells me to go next door to get my blood draw and then the nurse will explain what to do now. I tell him bye and his parting shot "Bye, you have a very nice pelvis." OMG, i wish I could have taped it.
yesterday, I felt really bloated. I had trouble walking around and sleeping. And I'm real nervous about going under anesthesia tomorrow. Today, I didn't feel as bloated...yah. But I have to stop drinking and eating at midnight so I'm drinking water like a storm.
Let's just say that I go to a clinic so I have had four visits with four different doctors. I don't really care...they say you can say which one you prefer. We actually went there for one specific doctor who has been working with my hubby but then he left the clinic to start his own business in the future, but we're already past the point of no-return.
So, this one walked in, an older fellow...and he must have said at least 4 or 5 times during my exam "you have a very nice pelvis." I almost laughed out loud. What am I supposed to say to that? Being polite, I, of course, I said "thank you" each time but it was real awkward. My largest follie was at 18 mm but I had to ask...another doc who doesn't say it out loud. I now know which doc I like, but it's too late. They tell me that I'm set for my trigger shot and my ER, egg retrieval is set for Monday. The doc tells me to go next door to get my blood draw and then the nurse will explain what to do now. I tell him bye and his parting shot "Bye, you have a very nice pelvis." OMG, i wish I could have taped it.
yesterday, I felt really bloated. I had trouble walking around and sleeping. And I'm real nervous about going under anesthesia tomorrow. Today, I didn't feel as bloated...yah. But I have to stop drinking and eating at midnight so I'm drinking water like a storm.
Friday, February 5, 2010
IVF Stim day 9
Left to simmer on my own.
Because my u/s scan on Stim day 7 showed normally growing but super slow growing follies, I have been left o cook on my own. Meds are still the same, 3 bra.velle vials plus 1 men.opur vials and then 5 units of Lupron every night. But we just have enough for two more nights, I'm pretty sure they're going to have to give me more meds tomorrow when I go in for my next u/s scan.
I definitely feel a difference now. There's tightness and twinges in my lower belly, but I can't tell if it's the ovaries on overdrive (hopefully it's a good sign) or indigestion problems. A friend who has been through IVF twice asked if I was experience IVF bloat. I can't tell because I already have a belly and my stomach has been upset badly all week, so it's all digestive.
For my last scan, I was sick for the two days before and I had off from work so I rested nonstop. I am worrying that I've now dug a hole for myself. I've been the exact opposite of resting. Example, yesterday, I left for work at six, worked a full busy day, went straight to an appointment with a client for my photography business for 3 hours, and then went to a worship/music practice and didn't get home until right before ten. Tonight I have to sing for church after work but I'm relieved because this is a slow day in my schedule. I don't know how to slow things down. I don't feel like the IVF process has been that difficult but I'm a little nervous about the part, before egg retrieval. I'm wearing my most comfortable pants and who knows...maybe I'll wear them every day until my egg retrieval, ER.
Pray for me, that I have more than 6 follies approaching 18 mm tomorrow morning. That would mean miraculous growth but I'll pray. And I pray that they are beautiful, healthy, genetically healthy eggs.
Because my u/s scan on Stim day 7 showed normally growing but super slow growing follies, I have been left o cook on my own. Meds are still the same, 3 bra.velle vials plus 1 men.opur vials and then 5 units of Lupron every night. But we just have enough for two more nights, I'm pretty sure they're going to have to give me more meds tomorrow when I go in for my next u/s scan.
I definitely feel a difference now. There's tightness and twinges in my lower belly, but I can't tell if it's the ovaries on overdrive (hopefully it's a good sign) or indigestion problems. A friend who has been through IVF twice asked if I was experience IVF bloat. I can't tell because I already have a belly and my stomach has been upset badly all week, so it's all digestive.
For my last scan, I was sick for the two days before and I had off from work so I rested nonstop. I am worrying that I've now dug a hole for myself. I've been the exact opposite of resting. Example, yesterday, I left for work at six, worked a full busy day, went straight to an appointment with a client for my photography business for 3 hours, and then went to a worship/music practice and didn't get home until right before ten. Tonight I have to sing for church after work but I'm relieved because this is a slow day in my schedule. I don't know how to slow things down. I don't feel like the IVF process has been that difficult but I'm a little nervous about the part, before egg retrieval. I'm wearing my most comfortable pants and who knows...maybe I'll wear them every day until my egg retrieval, ER.
Pray for me, that I have more than 6 follies approaching 18 mm tomorrow morning. That would mean miraculous growth but I'll pray. And I pray that they are beautiful, healthy, genetically healthy eggs.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
IVF Stim Day 8
I was so tempted to write IVF #1 but NO, I'm not going to put a number on it...because number implies that there's going to be more than one. Last night, I was praying. January ...well, even the holidays have been busy and I haven't done devotions or quiet time in forever. I sing worship music in the car but I get distracted by the singing of it and not contemplating the words. Scott and I have prayed for this cycle to be successful but once I started injections, I stopped really specifically praying for it. Almost scared to. Scared to put too much into it. I mean, on every other month of the last two years, I poured prayers into every day. Prayed at every possible step that could have been happening to bring a family. And all those prayers went unanswered. Or they were answered, with big fat NOs.
Then the first scan on Sunday showed less follicles and smaller follicles than the blogs I read. I started praying again. That more develop...that the ones that are there all develop and mature and at the same rate. Last night, Scott and I prayed for this morning's appointment and I wondered...could God punish me for not praying during this month...do I not have a chance because I keep saying I'm going to read my bible but I never get to it. I don't know. I don't believe God punishes people. But I can't say I understand the correlation. I did everything right so many months before...prayed every day for this...read the bible and did devotions and nothing happened.
Well, I definitely prayed and this morning's appt was so much better. It was a different doctor, damn a clinic although they are the main clinic on the island. He quickly showed me that I had much more follicles, twice as much as I did on the previous scan although the new ones were much smaller. Still, I know from my reading and what he told me that any of them can catch up and he says they'll try to recover eggs from all the follies. He did say that the best ones usually come from the follies that grow the fastest.
Disappointing with this new doctor is that he didn't say the sizes of the follies out loud. He knew I was worried and said that I had two that were 12 mm on my right ovary but then he moved to the smaller ones and stopped talking. He would just lean back and the nurse would look at some number and write it down. I was real disappointed. I know that they should ideally be over 10 mm but they're really slow growers. I googled other people's scans and most of them were around 15-16 mm at this point (19 and above is considered ideal and mature). I also must say that he was real rough. If you have not been through this, when I say ultrasound, it ain't no gliding on the tummy ultrasound. I am not going to say what it is but you can google it. Ouch!!!
I am thinking that I am going to have to do these injections longer than normal since my follies are turtle growers. That doesn't make me happy. I'm so anxious now that it's getting closer.
Then the first scan on Sunday showed less follicles and smaller follicles than the blogs I read. I started praying again. That more develop...that the ones that are there all develop and mature and at the same rate. Last night, Scott and I prayed for this morning's appointment and I wondered...could God punish me for not praying during this month...do I not have a chance because I keep saying I'm going to read my bible but I never get to it. I don't know. I don't believe God punishes people. But I can't say I understand the correlation. I did everything right so many months before...prayed every day for this...read the bible and did devotions and nothing happened.
Well, I definitely prayed and this morning's appt was so much better. It was a different doctor, damn a clinic although they are the main clinic on the island. He quickly showed me that I had much more follicles, twice as much as I did on the previous scan although the new ones were much smaller. Still, I know from my reading and what he told me that any of them can catch up and he says they'll try to recover eggs from all the follies. He did say that the best ones usually come from the follies that grow the fastest.
Disappointing with this new doctor is that he didn't say the sizes of the follies out loud. He knew I was worried and said that I had two that were 12 mm on my right ovary but then he moved to the smaller ones and stopped talking. He would just lean back and the nurse would look at some number and write it down. I was real disappointed. I know that they should ideally be over 10 mm but they're really slow growers. I googled other people's scans and most of them were around 15-16 mm at this point (19 and above is considered ideal and mature). I also must say that he was real rough. If you have not been through this, when I say ultrasound, it ain't no gliding on the tummy ultrasound. I am not going to say what it is but you can google it. Ouch!!!
I am thinking that I am going to have to do these injections longer than normal since my follies are turtle growers. That doesn't make me happy. I'm so anxious now that it's getting closer.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Stim day 7 [I'm sick, NOT pregnant]
After my lower than desirable scan results, I didn't have to go in for another ultrasound today or yesterday because of my slow growers. So, tomorrow morning is my next appt.
I was real scared of the side effects. I've read all the blogs about hot flashes and irritability and gaining ten pounds. Nothing for me. I imagine the weight gain may still be coming this weekend as I near my egg retrieval but so far, I'm doing way good. I don't feel any different. Of course, that may also be because I'm not really responding to the drugs. pbbtt!!! I would take on some side effects if it meant that i could produce more healthy eggs and have a better chance.
I don't know. I'm already starting to get anxious about if this doesn't work. I was hoping we would have plenty so we could freeze embryos and go straight into FET (transferring embryos which is much cheaper and easier). If our IVF doesn't work, I would not be able to change insurance for another year. Your insurance company will cover part of IVF only one time, so people hop insurance companies. The fact that we're doing it so early in the year just means that the rest of the year stretches out with no other options if it doesn't work and we have no frozen embies. So hard, I'm trying to have hope, I hope tomorrow morning's gives me more hope.
Yesterday morning, I was awoken at 2 in the morning with sharp abdominal cramping. It was severe and I was getting hot flashes and feeling nauseous. I felt like I was going to pass out, everything was so overwhelming. Scott was asleep in the living room because our niece was in the bedroom with me and I was crying out in pain, but couldn't call out to him. Thankfully, I managed to endure it for like half an hour. The nausea and hot flashes went away but my stomach was cramping. I told scott that the pain was at a consistent 3-4 (on a scale of ten) and I would have episodes where the pain would shoot up to a 8-9. I wonder if this is what labor feels like. I can't take it. I was in bed all day and the pain never stopped. I must have been sick because I slept all day and night.
I called the IVF nurse to see if this could possibly be a side effect of the IVF drugs since I didn't want to inject myself again if I was endangering my health. They said not to worry, it wasn't that. Thank God. I was relieved at first but then someone visiting said maybe I had appendicitis. I wanted to check but I couldn't get out of bed to my computer. So, I spent the day worrying that I should be at the hospital but was too sick to find out. I finally got to look it up and I don't think I have appendicitis. It's been 36 hours and now the pain is at 0 but shoots up to 4-5 so I think I'm slowly passing through whatever it is.
I had to text my friend last night because last night I was supposed to go to a worship rehearsal. I said I was sick, made sure NOT to say it was stomach related. This morning I get a text that everyone at the rehearsal were wondering if I was pregnant. So, I had to text back "Nope, not pregnant just sick."
Nothing like having to reiterate those words "not pregnant" that are just a bitter reminder. It's inevitable. Once people know that you're even just open to starting a family, every time you hint that your health is not perfect "oooh, are you pregnant." No, I'm not pregnant. And boy do I love saying that (please hear this read with sarcasm). I actually have to make sure I interject unnecessary and TMI details when letting people know I can't do something because my stomach is upset. You have to make sure you throw in the word diahhrea or they misread into nausea or stomach problems as pregnancy and they begin their big eyed happy baby dance which you then have to be the wet blanket and douse them with water "no I'm not pregnant." Please, people, stop asking me so I don't have to keep saying it. It's hard enough to wake up every day knowing you're not pregnant...don't make me say it randomly in public.
I was real scared of the side effects. I've read all the blogs about hot flashes and irritability and gaining ten pounds. Nothing for me. I imagine the weight gain may still be coming this weekend as I near my egg retrieval but so far, I'm doing way good. I don't feel any different. Of course, that may also be because I'm not really responding to the drugs. pbbtt!!! I would take on some side effects if it meant that i could produce more healthy eggs and have a better chance.
I don't know. I'm already starting to get anxious about if this doesn't work. I was hoping we would have plenty so we could freeze embryos and go straight into FET (transferring embryos which is much cheaper and easier). If our IVF doesn't work, I would not be able to change insurance for another year. Your insurance company will cover part of IVF only one time, so people hop insurance companies. The fact that we're doing it so early in the year just means that the rest of the year stretches out with no other options if it doesn't work and we have no frozen embies. So hard, I'm trying to have hope, I hope tomorrow morning's gives me more hope.
Yesterday morning, I was awoken at 2 in the morning with sharp abdominal cramping. It was severe and I was getting hot flashes and feeling nauseous. I felt like I was going to pass out, everything was so overwhelming. Scott was asleep in the living room because our niece was in the bedroom with me and I was crying out in pain, but couldn't call out to him. Thankfully, I managed to endure it for like half an hour. The nausea and hot flashes went away but my stomach was cramping. I told scott that the pain was at a consistent 3-4 (on a scale of ten) and I would have episodes where the pain would shoot up to a 8-9. I wonder if this is what labor feels like. I can't take it. I was in bed all day and the pain never stopped. I must have been sick because I slept all day and night.
I called the IVF nurse to see if this could possibly be a side effect of the IVF drugs since I didn't want to inject myself again if I was endangering my health. They said not to worry, it wasn't that. Thank God. I was relieved at first but then someone visiting said maybe I had appendicitis. I wanted to check but I couldn't get out of bed to my computer. So, I spent the day worrying that I should be at the hospital but was too sick to find out. I finally got to look it up and I don't think I have appendicitis. It's been 36 hours and now the pain is at 0 but shoots up to 4-5 so I think I'm slowly passing through whatever it is.
I had to text my friend last night because last night I was supposed to go to a worship rehearsal. I said I was sick, made sure NOT to say it was stomach related. This morning I get a text that everyone at the rehearsal were wondering if I was pregnant. So, I had to text back "Nope, not pregnant just sick."
Nothing like having to reiterate those words "not pregnant" that are just a bitter reminder. It's inevitable. Once people know that you're even just open to starting a family, every time you hint that your health is not perfect "oooh, are you pregnant." No, I'm not pregnant. And boy do I love saying that (please hear this read with sarcasm). I actually have to make sure I interject unnecessary and TMI details when letting people know I can't do something because my stomach is upset. You have to make sure you throw in the word diahhrea or they misread into nausea or stomach problems as pregnancy and they begin their big eyed happy baby dance which you then have to be the wet blanket and douse them with water "no I'm not pregnant." Please, people, stop asking me so I don't have to keep saying it. It's hard enough to wake up every day knowing you're not pregnant...don't make me say it randomly in public.
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