Count: 13w1d
Weight=179 lb
Symptoms: Nausea was horrendous but I've discovered the force feeding myself small meals of carb-high meals really helps and I have hours of normalcy, belly is bulging!!!
So, my count is one day faster than normal. But I want to keep consistent for my blog posts so I'm going by 13 w 1 d although technically I'm actually only 13 weeks. I've been beyond nauseous for the past four days...I was taking 3 pills instead of the prescribed 2 pills of medicine a day...one day I took four. My hubby made Beef stew and I broke it into two small meals and ate it two hours apart...and I started to feel less nauseous. It was amazing. By the time, I went to my OB I was on cloud nine and feeling so good.
The OB doesn't have a spectacular ultrasound machine but she's an amazing doctor. So gentle with the ultrasound wand, didn't press too hard. The fraternal showed up first. He/she was slowly moving. Then we saw the bigger identical...I could totally see the the spine and legs stretched out. It was awesome. I just have the biggest smile on my face while watching my babies. the bigger identical is head down...almost doing a perfect headstand. I couldn't see the smaller identical so I started to worry and the OB was searching for him/her. We figured out why he/she was so hard to find, she/he was almost perfectly behind the bigger identical. They're both head-down and facing each other. The smaller identical was moving and I could see the little hands. I giggled happily because it looked like they were hugging and touching each other but the doc says they're not in the same plane. She agreed that the smaller identical is smaller...and she doesn't even take measurements. She was showing me the difference between the identicals and referring to one as "the small head."
I wonder how bad it is that the small one is small. I know when twins are born, one is usually smaller, but I think they tend to start off in the beginning pretty similiar. Neither doctor is really saying. I brought up the large NT scan and she said the value was around 4...she didn't look at my chart so she may be wrong but 4 is so much better than 5. I asked her why I was not doing blood tests and she said you couldn't with triplets. It doesn't work. You can do it with twins, because they take the values and divide them by 2 but you can't work it with triplets. She said I could have an amnio if I planned to terminate if they/one had Down's for example but I wouldn't have an amnio unless I planned to terminate because it's much higher risk of miscarriage for triplets. No to termination and no to amnio for me then.
Ugh, I didn't sleep enough and I'm at work. I had a long case... a lot of work and I'm feeling it. I'm dying. I hit a physical fatigue wall. I need to go home and sleep. To night is going to be tough too because I have to wake up early to work early, doing a presentation which I really didn't have time to plan enough for. Youch.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
12w3d
Weight=177.1 (beginning was 184-185 lb)
Symptoms=Hair seems thicker, chest seems fuller, belly bulge, nausea and gagging
Yesterday afternoon, we met with the specialist again. I just saw the babies last week on my regular OB dinky ultrasound machine. Today was the specialist so we got to see the babies again and for longer periods of time. Man, we just saw them on the same machine two weeks ago and the difference is startling. They've only grown half an inch or so but on the screen they look so much bigger.
The identical twins look even more squished than usual. They have grown more in the same space.
Baby A (the squished identical) is measuring pretty good. He's definitely at the bottom of the uterus, the doc has to really push on the wand to get a glimpse of him. We use "him" just because it's easier...we're hoping for 2 girls and one boy. Baby A measures 11 weeks 5 days, just about 4 days behind and completely normal. His heartrate is in the 180's but the doc says that's normal. He didn't move too much but he looks beautiful.
Baby B (fattie identical) measures 12 weeks 5 days. See the difference. He's about 3 days ahead in growth and 6 cm long. He was jumping like crazy. sometimes you could get a glimpse of fingers by his face. The doc took NT measurements (couldn't for Baby A because he couldn't get a good view) and the doc must have measured it like 10 times. That didn't bode well for me. The doc finally told us at the end that it was high (I think I saw a 5 on the screen) but we can do nothing more than just watch. His heartrate was in the 150s. He would kick his legs and he would bounce in his sac, it totally made me laugh to watch. I promised myself I wouldn't google but a high NT measurement can indicate a chromosomal disorder or possible heart problems, but it's not definitive. I'm just not going to worry about it. I mostly worry about baby A keeping up in growth with the rest.
Baby C (the fraternal sitting up at the top of the uterus) is also measuring 12w5d and has a heartrate in the 150s. He was also very active and I could totally see a hand by the face. His NT measurements were normal and the doc says he's doing dandy.
And we totally got blessed with pictures. We didn't get pictures the last time we were there, but he printed out pics of all three...although the fraternal pic looks like a staticy tv and I can't see anything. I have a regular OB visit in less than a week and then we don't return to the specialist until two weeks after that.
He said that I need to plan to be out of work by at least 20 weeks and when I brought up my work trip to a class in Florida in a month (I'll be about 17 weeks then), he laughed and said "NO" so fast I thought he was joking. Apparently he's not joking and I'm landbound for the rest of this pregnancy.
The nausea is really there but really doable with the medicine and just the lessening as I march into 13 weeks. But the problem is forcing myself to eat. I never never feel hungry and I don't really like the taste of anything. Nothing gives me a sense of "Yum, that tastes good" and I definitely don't get any satisfaction. Instead it feels like a chore to try to get down enough food and it actually gets real tiring and I resent eating. Man, I know I struggle with overeating and being overweight because of the joy I get out of food, but God gives us that joy for a reason. If you get no joy out of eating, the last thing you want to go near is food. It's kind of depressing because I struggle every day just to find something to fill up my two meals a day...and I'm running out of ideas. I cannot wait ...I mean it...I cannot wait until I am starving and I can wolf down a meal. People keep telling me "Oh, you don't want that, i wasn't able to stop eating during my pregnancy" but I need to eat. I have to gain weight and keep these babies fed and I can't exist on grapes and chips for very long.
Symptoms=Hair seems thicker, chest seems fuller, belly bulge, nausea and gagging
Yesterday afternoon, we met with the specialist again. I just saw the babies last week on my regular OB dinky ultrasound machine. Today was the specialist so we got to see the babies again and for longer periods of time. Man, we just saw them on the same machine two weeks ago and the difference is startling. They've only grown half an inch or so but on the screen they look so much bigger.
The identical twins look even more squished than usual. They have grown more in the same space.
Baby A (the squished identical) is measuring pretty good. He's definitely at the bottom of the uterus, the doc has to really push on the wand to get a glimpse of him. We use "him" just because it's easier...we're hoping for 2 girls and one boy. Baby A measures 11 weeks 5 days, just about 4 days behind and completely normal. His heartrate is in the 180's but the doc says that's normal. He didn't move too much but he looks beautiful.
Baby B (fattie identical) measures 12 weeks 5 days. See the difference. He's about 3 days ahead in growth and 6 cm long. He was jumping like crazy. sometimes you could get a glimpse of fingers by his face. The doc took NT measurements (couldn't for Baby A because he couldn't get a good view) and the doc must have measured it like 10 times. That didn't bode well for me. The doc finally told us at the end that it was high (I think I saw a 5 on the screen) but we can do nothing more than just watch. His heartrate was in the 150s. He would kick his legs and he would bounce in his sac, it totally made me laugh to watch. I promised myself I wouldn't google but a high NT measurement can indicate a chromosomal disorder or possible heart problems, but it's not definitive. I'm just not going to worry about it. I mostly worry about baby A keeping up in growth with the rest.
Baby C (the fraternal sitting up at the top of the uterus) is also measuring 12w5d and has a heartrate in the 150s. He was also very active and I could totally see a hand by the face. His NT measurements were normal and the doc says he's doing dandy.
And we totally got blessed with pictures. We didn't get pictures the last time we were there, but he printed out pics of all three...although the fraternal pic looks like a staticy tv and I can't see anything. I have a regular OB visit in less than a week and then we don't return to the specialist until two weeks after that.
He said that I need to plan to be out of work by at least 20 weeks and when I brought up my work trip to a class in Florida in a month (I'll be about 17 weeks then), he laughed and said "NO" so fast I thought he was joking. Apparently he's not joking and I'm landbound for the rest of this pregnancy.
The nausea is really there but really doable with the medicine and just the lessening as I march into 13 weeks. But the problem is forcing myself to eat. I never never feel hungry and I don't really like the taste of anything. Nothing gives me a sense of "Yum, that tastes good" and I definitely don't get any satisfaction. Instead it feels like a chore to try to get down enough food and it actually gets real tiring and I resent eating. Man, I know I struggle with overeating and being overweight because of the joy I get out of food, but God gives us that joy for a reason. If you get no joy out of eating, the last thing you want to go near is food. It's kind of depressing because I struggle every day just to find something to fill up my two meals a day...and I'm running out of ideas. I cannot wait ...I mean it...I cannot wait until I am starving and I can wolf down a meal. People keep telling me "Oh, you don't want that, i wasn't able to stop eating during my pregnancy" but I need to eat. I have to gain weight and keep these babies fed and I can't exist on grapes and chips for very long.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
12 weeks pregnant
Weight: haven't weighed myself but I'm sure I've gained half the weight back
Symptoms: Fatigue (may be from nausea medicine), nausea ( thank you Zof.ran), belly bulge, constipation
I'm at work. Third night in a row. It took me two days and a lot of mess to get my sick days lined up and I realize that for this year, I only have 6 days of sick left. I still have leftover from previous years...thank goodness. Thank God it has been slow. I've used all that time to work...I've kept myself busy although I move slowly.
Now for the nausea update, I'm at the 12 week mark so I'm looking for improvement. Was hoping it would completely dissolve. I try not to take my medicine right away to test out the waters. It's definitely better but that gagging thing just doesn't stop. It seems that not only smells aggravate it, but moving. I'll be walking and start to gag...stop...breathe...try to take a step and I'm gagging again. Driving...gag. So I take medicine and I don't really notice a huge improvement in the nausea but I stop gagging. I try to eat tons...here's my list of safe foods
grapes (love love love...I was so bummed when I ran out at work.)
Honey nut cereal
chips (Doritos)
watery saimin (doesn't taste appealing to me but it is a substantial meal for me)
I suffer a little at work...it's not fun. I have noticed that (since I work the midnight shift), I do start to feel an hour or two of goodness around 4 in the morning.
Two weeks more.
I'm kind of bummed because I come home from work...shower...and go to bed. And I just can't get out of bed until a few hours before I have to work again. I have so much to do. The belly is bulging and I can only fit two of my pants. Heck, I don't care if I wear them every other day, fashion is not high priority for me but I'm going to have to get more clothes. Can't believe I made it through 3 work days, two more to go this week. Woo hoo.
Oooh, I found someone who lives nearby that has year-old triplets. Oh, she seems super nice...I hope I can pick her brain.
Symptoms: Fatigue (may be from nausea medicine), nausea ( thank you Zof.ran), belly bulge, constipation
I'm at work. Third night in a row. It took me two days and a lot of mess to get my sick days lined up and I realize that for this year, I only have 6 days of sick left. I still have leftover from previous years...thank goodness. Thank God it has been slow. I've used all that time to work...I've kept myself busy although I move slowly.
Now for the nausea update, I'm at the 12 week mark so I'm looking for improvement. Was hoping it would completely dissolve. I try not to take my medicine right away to test out the waters. It's definitely better but that gagging thing just doesn't stop. It seems that not only smells aggravate it, but moving. I'll be walking and start to gag...stop...breathe...try to take a step and I'm gagging again. Driving...gag. So I take medicine and I don't really notice a huge improvement in the nausea but I stop gagging. I try to eat tons...here's my list of safe foods
grapes (love love love...I was so bummed when I ran out at work.)
Honey nut cereal
chips (Doritos)
watery saimin (doesn't taste appealing to me but it is a substantial meal for me)
I suffer a little at work...it's not fun. I have noticed that (since I work the midnight shift), I do start to feel an hour or two of goodness around 4 in the morning.
Two weeks more.
I'm kind of bummed because I come home from work...shower...and go to bed. And I just can't get out of bed until a few hours before I have to work again. I have so much to do. The belly is bulging and I can only fit two of my pants. Heck, I don't care if I wear them every other day, fashion is not high priority for me but I'm going to have to get more clothes. Can't believe I made it through 3 work days, two more to go this week. Woo hoo.
Oooh, I found someone who lives nearby that has year-old triplets. Oh, she seems super nice...I hope I can pick her brain.
Friday, April 16, 2010
11w3d Happiness and guilt
Symptoms: Insomnia, inability to sleep longer than 4 hours, lessening nausea
Thanks to a wonderful new medicine and a strong resolve to follow orders of constant cereal snacking and attempts to eat real food have resulted in almost 16 hours of pretty good feeling. Woohoo. Now, I'm finally getting back to where I have hours where I almost feel completely normal. It's wonderful. I'm so thankful to God. Today, I only slept for four hours so I feel so tired and groggy but I didn't feel too nauseous.
We were invited to a BBQ and so I took a pill of medicine to ready myself and we went. It's all people from my husband's workplace who are mostly women (and their families) and I knew there was going to be a lot of gushing. Let's get this over with. So we did...and people gushed. I'm not really comfortable with that much attention...I'm not a wallflower but I do get a little shy when people are looking at me. I told Scott that I absolutely hate the idea of people touching my stomach. I insist that if people ever try to touch my stomach I would slap their hands away. I use to take martial arts, I have quick hands...cheehaw. Well, the first one who rushed to me is our sweet sweet friend who started rubbing my tummy. Scott gave me the expectant look. There's no way I can tell her no. Who was second in line to not only rub the tummy but she leaned over and started talking to my tummy, but another absolute sweetheart. So, I gave up...I didn't like it but my tummy was touched all night. It's just weird to me because I'm still small so it's not like I feel it's babies they're touching...they're just rubbing my chub. Nice.
It was a wonderful night. There was this awesome chili, but I think it was made with turkey which I love so much better. It wasn't spicy and that with rice was perfection. I didn't pig out but compared to my usual meals, it was pretty close to a full meal. Yahoo. It was a little uncomfortable because it was all about triplets but this is the first time people are seeing me so it's expected. People kept asking if it runs in our families and I said it does but that we also went through fertility treatments. And after a while, we managed to turn the conversations to other things and it got a little more normal.
But it brings me to a new issue that I am facing. Guilt. We put our good news on facebook. And tonight we obviously were the topic at the party. But there are other women, sweet beautiful women who are congratulating me and hugging me and I know how much they also really want children. We know these amazing women...these amazing couples who have been praying to start families and Scott and I have been praying for them every night. Every night when we prayed to be blessed with a baby, we lifted them in prayer. Because as much as our hearts ache for a child or children, we know theirs must ache as well. Now, as they hug me, I feel unexplainable guilt...because I know what it's like to be in their shoes. Watching others announce the happiest news in the world...seeing their glow...watching as everyone gushes with excitement for them. Now, I stand on the other side and my heart aches. Because I would never give up being on this side, but they deserve to be on this side with me now.
I hope they understand the look in my eyes "I'm still one of you. I'm still with you." Even with children on the way, my life and my heart has forever been molded by the painful journey of prayers, hope and tears of infertility. At the party, there were two women who really want children but have not been able to YET. I can honestly say they deserve it more than I do. They are so sweet, truly they are mothers to their friends and everyone around them. Sacrificing everything of themselves, always generous and thoughtful, the definition of warm. They hugged me and both whispered "I've been praying for you two." and all I can say is "I'm praying for you too." And I am. I don't know what to say, I don't want to say the cliche things. Everyone is celebrating and rejoicing in our answered prayer, but I know there are others who prayers aren't answered. And just as I struggled and questioned God all those longs months that stretched into years of "No," I can't say anything now because I don't know why God answered my prayer and not theirs. Yet. It was a mystery to me and still is.
I have no advice. No consoling words. I don't want to feed the cliche "Don't worry, it will happen to you." Because those words never gave me peace. I can't say that because I don't know that. All I can do is hug them and hope they sense how much I want this for them. I feel so happy for what God has done for me and Scott but I won't be satisfied until everyone on my prayer list has the chance to experience that joy.
Thanks to a wonderful new medicine and a strong resolve to follow orders of constant cereal snacking and attempts to eat real food have resulted in almost 16 hours of pretty good feeling. Woohoo. Now, I'm finally getting back to where I have hours where I almost feel completely normal. It's wonderful. I'm so thankful to God. Today, I only slept for four hours so I feel so tired and groggy but I didn't feel too nauseous.
We were invited to a BBQ and so I took a pill of medicine to ready myself and we went. It's all people from my husband's workplace who are mostly women (and their families) and I knew there was going to be a lot of gushing. Let's get this over with. So we did...and people gushed. I'm not really comfortable with that much attention...I'm not a wallflower but I do get a little shy when people are looking at me. I told Scott that I absolutely hate the idea of people touching my stomach. I insist that if people ever try to touch my stomach I would slap their hands away. I use to take martial arts, I have quick hands...cheehaw. Well, the first one who rushed to me is our sweet sweet friend who started rubbing my tummy. Scott gave me the expectant look. There's no way I can tell her no. Who was second in line to not only rub the tummy but she leaned over and started talking to my tummy, but another absolute sweetheart. So, I gave up...I didn't like it but my tummy was touched all night. It's just weird to me because I'm still small so it's not like I feel it's babies they're touching...they're just rubbing my chub. Nice.
It was a wonderful night. There was this awesome chili, but I think it was made with turkey which I love so much better. It wasn't spicy and that with rice was perfection. I didn't pig out but compared to my usual meals, it was pretty close to a full meal. Yahoo. It was a little uncomfortable because it was all about triplets but this is the first time people are seeing me so it's expected. People kept asking if it runs in our families and I said it does but that we also went through fertility treatments. And after a while, we managed to turn the conversations to other things and it got a little more normal.
But it brings me to a new issue that I am facing. Guilt. We put our good news on facebook. And tonight we obviously were the topic at the party. But there are other women, sweet beautiful women who are congratulating me and hugging me and I know how much they also really want children. We know these amazing women...these amazing couples who have been praying to start families and Scott and I have been praying for them every night. Every night when we prayed to be blessed with a baby, we lifted them in prayer. Because as much as our hearts ache for a child or children, we know theirs must ache as well. Now, as they hug me, I feel unexplainable guilt...because I know what it's like to be in their shoes. Watching others announce the happiest news in the world...seeing their glow...watching as everyone gushes with excitement for them. Now, I stand on the other side and my heart aches. Because I would never give up being on this side, but they deserve to be on this side with me now.
I hope they understand the look in my eyes "I'm still one of you. I'm still with you." Even with children on the way, my life and my heart has forever been molded by the painful journey of prayers, hope and tears of infertility. At the party, there were two women who really want children but have not been able to YET. I can honestly say they deserve it more than I do. They are so sweet, truly they are mothers to their friends and everyone around them. Sacrificing everything of themselves, always generous and thoughtful, the definition of warm. They hugged me and both whispered "I've been praying for you two." and all I can say is "I'm praying for you too." And I am. I don't know what to say, I don't want to say the cliche things. Everyone is celebrating and rejoicing in our answered prayer, but I know there are others who prayers aren't answered. And just as I struggled and questioned God all those longs months that stretched into years of "No," I can't say anything now because I don't know why God answered my prayer and not theirs. Yet. It was a mystery to me and still is.
I have no advice. No consoling words. I don't want to feed the cliche "Don't worry, it will happen to you." Because those words never gave me peace. I can't say that because I don't know that. All I can do is hug them and hope they sense how much I want this for them. I feel so happy for what God has done for me and Scott but I won't be satisfied until everyone on my prayer list has the chance to experience that joy.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
11w2d I can do this!!!!
My short-lived mild days of nausea ended abruptly and I was back to being worse than ever. I couldn't even sleep because it was so bad. I went in to the OB today and I was counting down the hours until I saw her and hopefully would get new medicine. According to the doctor's scale, my weight is down to 174.0 lb, which is 11 lb down from my start weight. whoa, I may have to weigh myself at home to make sure because that's a little scary. 11 lb in 5 weeks!! I hope not. Then the doc proceeded to give me a kind but firm scolding for not eating. How am I supposed to eat when I've tried everything and nothing works. I mean yesterday, I had two rolls of bread for breakfast and promptly threw that up. I had half a large french fries from LnL as my only other food of the day and fought all night to keep that down. I didn't chance eating anything more. Thankfully, she had no problem giving me a prescription for Zof.ran which is strong than the Reg.lan I was on. And even though I have tried everything on the list of suggestions, she had a few more like just snacking on dry cereal that I agreed to try.
I was surprised when she busted out the ultrasound machine. I didn't think they had one...they sent me to a different clinic for ultrasounds. She said they just can't do ultrasounds normally because they just don't have the time to give everyone ultrasounds. I wonder if I just qualify because I'm high risk. I got to see the babes again although they weren't moving. That's sad, I really get joy out of seeing the little gummy bear dance. She printed out pictures although I must say, I thought they looked cuter last week. Their heads seem so elongated and pointy that it looks weird. she assured me it was just the angle. Their heartrates
Shadrach=172 bpm
Meschach= 192 bpm (the squashed twin)
Abednego=162 bpm (the single fraternal)
Then I got my prescription filled and made an appointment to come back in two weeks. I'm seeing the specialist next week so I am seeing a doctor every week it seems.
On the way to the car, I started gagging and heaving and panicking as I realized the parking lot was full and there was no safe place to possibly throw up. So, I leaned against my car and dry heaved between cars. It was so embarrasing, people were walking by and I'm sure I looked disgusting. I seriouslly didn't think I could get out of there. I spent about ten minutes sitting in the car hanging out the door choking and gagging before I was able to breathe through it.
Zo.fran I took it and immediately felt better...enough to finally go sleep. I take it twice a day so I'm not sure how to space it out yet. I took it before minichurch but still felt on the verge of gagging the whole night. I forced myself to eat some diluted saimin noodles and actually made my way to work.
The fun part was we finally went public with the news. Scott made a cute blog with ultrasound pictures (he swore he would never show ultrasound pictures ha ha ha) and we posted it on facebook. So coming in to work was great because I don't have to feel shame about hiding why I'm always calling in sick. It's so nice to share but keeping it in for so long is probably making us overshare. I notice Scott loves to talk about it no matter who we are with. I like start to cry when I think of Scott. He went hunting at different stores for different candies with ginger in them since I hate ginger (we're trying to find something I like). He packed my food for tonight since I don't like to be around the smell of food. he washes all the dishes and cleans the house, does the laundry. And still, he's so excited everytime he comes home and sees me. I keep thinking he is going to grow to resent me but he really is doing it all out of love.
I was surprised when she busted out the ultrasound machine. I didn't think they had one...they sent me to a different clinic for ultrasounds. She said they just can't do ultrasounds normally because they just don't have the time to give everyone ultrasounds. I wonder if I just qualify because I'm high risk. I got to see the babes again although they weren't moving. That's sad, I really get joy out of seeing the little gummy bear dance. She printed out pictures although I must say, I thought they looked cuter last week. Their heads seem so elongated and pointy that it looks weird. she assured me it was just the angle. Their heartrates
Shadrach=172 bpm
Meschach= 192 bpm (the squashed twin)
Abednego=162 bpm (the single fraternal)
Then I got my prescription filled and made an appointment to come back in two weeks. I'm seeing the specialist next week so I am seeing a doctor every week it seems.
On the way to the car, I started gagging and heaving and panicking as I realized the parking lot was full and there was no safe place to possibly throw up. So, I leaned against my car and dry heaved between cars. It was so embarrasing, people were walking by and I'm sure I looked disgusting. I seriouslly didn't think I could get out of there. I spent about ten minutes sitting in the car hanging out the door choking and gagging before I was able to breathe through it.
Zo.fran I took it and immediately felt better...enough to finally go sleep. I take it twice a day so I'm not sure how to space it out yet. I took it before minichurch but still felt on the verge of gagging the whole night. I forced myself to eat some diluted saimin noodles and actually made my way to work.
The fun part was we finally went public with the news. Scott made a cute blog with ultrasound pictures (he swore he would never show ultrasound pictures ha ha ha) and we posted it on facebook. So coming in to work was great because I don't have to feel shame about hiding why I'm always calling in sick. It's so nice to share but keeping it in for so long is probably making us overshare. I notice Scott loves to talk about it no matter who we are with. I like start to cry when I think of Scott. He went hunting at different stores for different candies with ginger in them since I hate ginger (we're trying to find something I like). He packed my food for tonight since I don't like to be around the smell of food. he washes all the dishes and cleans the house, does the laundry. And still, he's so excited everytime he comes home and sees me. I keep thinking he is going to grow to resent me but he really is doing it all out of love.
10w4d Nausea up and now down
Oh, right after our appointment with the specialist, the nausea skyrocketed. I went from fighting the urge to throw up to actually throwing up. The medicine I had been taking didn't make me feel any different. I was trapped in bed and miserable. I called the doctor desperate to try another medicine but the nurse insisted I was so close I should just try and wait it out. She encouraged me to just try to hydrate myself and don't worry about solid food because the babies didn't need that much nutrition. Um, what about me? I hadn't eaten more than 500 calories a day in over a month. My hands were getting all shaky.
I broke down and called in sick to work for the next few days. I am gambling that I may be close enough to the end of the first trimester and won't be as bad by the time I have to go back to work.
This past weekend, was the first time I woke up feeling okay. Sadly, I still have no desire to eat. Just have more and longer moments of my stomach not turning over constantlly.
I broke down and called in sick to work for the next few days. I am gambling that I may be close enough to the end of the first trimester and won't be as bad by the time I have to go back to work.
This past weekend, was the first time I woke up feeling okay. Sadly, I still have no desire to eat. Just have more and longer moments of my stomach not turning over constantlly.
10w1d Visit to the Neonatal Specialist
I went to work which meant sleeping during the day and woke up to five missed phone calls from Kaiser. I guess word got through quickly to my OB that I am having triplets because she called and said that I would be hearing from a neonatal specialist, who just happens to also be her brother. Sure enough, I had three missed phone calls from the specialist and when I returned their call, they wanted to schedule an appointment with me that day.
So Scott played hookey from his boot camp exercise class and we drove to the specialist office. We had to wait quite a bit but we finally were ushered in. I'm pretty sure that the doctor stayed late just to see us. It was cool because the doc has a tv monitor across the room so I can watch the ultrasound being played on it while he works on the actual machine. I got a great view of the whole thing. The babies weren't moving during this much which disappointed me but the doctor was also faster so he moved quickly and froze the screen a lot to get measurements. Unlike the previous day when the doctors were assured that the babies were all the same size, the specialist kept making little disapproving sounds as he did his thing. Then he says "well, we have a few issues." He gave us a very frank and real look at all the risks and complications that we're facing.
The identical twins: I was so glad that there seemed to be a thin membrane separating the two because I knew that was a good thing. But apparently, they are sharing a placenta. I looked it up later and it seems the theory is that if they split after 4 days from fertilization, they'll share a placenta. Since we put the embryos in at 5 days, they obviously split after 4 days. Yikes. He says that when babies split to become identicals, they don't split everything equally. They have to share the same food supply (the placenta). And if are not sharing the food and oxygen equally then the growth of one can be seriously stunted. He brought up that dreaded thing I read of in some blogs. TTTD. I think that's the abreviation. Where one twin can actually take blood from the other twin and one will grow faster and one will grow slower. The worse thing he said is that since they are connected, that if one gets sick or possibly dies, the other one can die as well.
Then you toss in the third fraternal twin and you're dealing with space issues. He showed us their sizes. The fraternal twin was measuring nice and healthy. The top identical twin was a little behind him and then the bottom identical twin was a few days behind both of them. Still well within the normal range but clearly behind the other two. Even I could see he didn't look like he has as much room as the other two.
I am firmly against selective reduction but as my heart sank and the fears set in, I could see why people would choose that way. We immediately told him it was a no for us and I was almost apologetic when I said "I know we're choosing the harder road." Scott loved the doctor's response "It's not a harder road, it's just a road. They're all road and I don't ever look back. I just want to know the rules of the game."
That night, I called in sick and I still stayed up night. I took two different showers and I cried both times.
So Scott played hookey from his boot camp exercise class and we drove to the specialist office. We had to wait quite a bit but we finally were ushered in. I'm pretty sure that the doctor stayed late just to see us. It was cool because the doc has a tv monitor across the room so I can watch the ultrasound being played on it while he works on the actual machine. I got a great view of the whole thing. The babies weren't moving during this much which disappointed me but the doctor was also faster so he moved quickly and froze the screen a lot to get measurements. Unlike the previous day when the doctors were assured that the babies were all the same size, the specialist kept making little disapproving sounds as he did his thing. Then he says "well, we have a few issues." He gave us a very frank and real look at all the risks and complications that we're facing.
The identical twins: I was so glad that there seemed to be a thin membrane separating the two because I knew that was a good thing. But apparently, they are sharing a placenta. I looked it up later and it seems the theory is that if they split after 4 days from fertilization, they'll share a placenta. Since we put the embryos in at 5 days, they obviously split after 4 days. Yikes. He says that when babies split to become identicals, they don't split everything equally. They have to share the same food supply (the placenta). And if are not sharing the food and oxygen equally then the growth of one can be seriously stunted. He brought up that dreaded thing I read of in some blogs. TTTD. I think that's the abreviation. Where one twin can actually take blood from the other twin and one will grow faster and one will grow slower. The worse thing he said is that since they are connected, that if one gets sick or possibly dies, the other one can die as well.
Then you toss in the third fraternal twin and you're dealing with space issues. He showed us their sizes. The fraternal twin was measuring nice and healthy. The top identical twin was a little behind him and then the bottom identical twin was a few days behind both of them. Still well within the normal range but clearly behind the other two. Even I could see he didn't look like he has as much room as the other two.
I am firmly against selective reduction but as my heart sank and the fears set in, I could see why people would choose that way. We immediately told him it was a no for us and I was almost apologetic when I said "I know we're choosing the harder road." Scott loved the doctor's response "It's not a harder road, it's just a road. They're all road and I don't ever look back. I just want to know the rules of the game."
That night, I called in sick and I still stayed up night. I took two different showers and I cried both times.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
10w0d Most shocking day ever
Symptoms: trouble sleeping (I just switched to midnights shift and having trouble adjusting to sleeping during the day), nausea (strongest in first half of my day after I wake up and subsiding for last half), total lack of appetite
This morning was our 10 week ultrasound. I had to work all night by myself and was super tired. I was so nervous but thank God, I didn't get any calls or late cases. I went home to meet Scott and he drove us to the clinic. Man, we had to wait half an hour for our appointment plus additional time since we came in early. I was so tired I ended up lying on a bench and dismally watching as everyone in the entire waiting room was ushered in and I was still stuck outside. I sent Scott to the receptionist to use "my wife has worked all night and hasn't slept yet" to get us some sympathy urgency but we still had to wait another five minutes anyway.
The ultrasound tech came out and got us and apologized for the wait. I was real stoked because she did a belly ultrasound...excellent. The room was small and the ultrasound screen was turned away from me although Scott could see it from his chair. The tech said as soon as she checked measurements and printed out the pictures, she would turn it to show me everything. She started scanning and said "Oh, there's two in there." Yes yes, we're having twins, I guess it wasn't on my chart. I was watching her face the whole time since I couldn't see anything else and thankfully, she said right away "Oh, good, they're both moving." Yah!!! She scanned for a while and said "they've both moving and I see both their heartbeats." Then she kept scanning and she was taking a long time. She kept apologizing that I couldn't see and assuring me that she would show me once she had finished everything. I told her not to worry and just do everything right. I also told her about the spotting and hoped she could find what was causing it. Scott could see and he was watching at first but I think he got bored so he stopped watching. I just lay there and watched the tech. I was having serious trouble trying to relax and not move. Trying to think about not moving just made me itch to move which made me giggle. I was having such a hard time with the giggling fits.
Then the tech got a worried, shocked look on her face. She started to lean close to the screen and she got very quiet and very intense. It just dragged on and my heart starts to sink. I thought she said both babies have good heartbeats. Something must be wrong with them. Her expression wasn't changing and I realized it had to be more serious even. Something was seriously wrong. It was an eternity before she finally broke the silence and without looking away from the screen she said
"Um, I am seeing three babies."
Scott's head whipped up so fast and he said "What?!?" I was flabbergasted. Not to offend her, but she was taking a long time with the scan so my first words were "Are you sure? Can you check again?" Ultrasounds are fuzzy black and white blurs. She was moving that wand all around, how does she know she's not counting the same baby twice.
Again, I can't see the screen so i can only watch the tech's and Scott's faces in the light from the machine. It takes a few minutes but she's showing Scott different angles and sure enough he said "Yup, you're right, there's three." Then we both started nervously laughing. I'm in complete shock.
"But we only put in two." I just kept saying that.
She says it looks like there's just two sacs which is why the previous ultrasounds probably missed the third baby, hiding behind it's identical twin in one sac. Thankfully, the tech did find a thin white line which means that the identical twins actually have a membrane separating them so they are actually in two different sacs. It was forever before i could see. she had never done triplets before so she didn't even know how to enter all that information in the machine.
She turned it to me and I could easily see the two babies. She moved the wand and I saw a white blur in the bottom of one of the sac. What? That blob? Maybe that's a yolk sac or something. Then she moved the wand and the blog got bigger and ...oh, yah, there's the heartbeat.
Three babies.
All with strong fluttering hearts ~ 163 bpm
All measuring roughly about 10w0d
The previously missed baby looks squushed in there...his sibling's feet are right on his head. Oh, I hope he/she has room and they all share. she showed me close-ups of the first two. You know what they look like. Little graham teddy bear crackers...or gummy bears. I said that out loud and the tech laughed and said she always thought so too. Three little graham teddy bears floating around in a little circle. The first and third were sleeping or not moving. But the second one she showed me, one of the identical twins...oh it was alittle jumping bean. It was so cool. It was like a teddy bear cracker waving it's cute little arm and leg buds around. I had to giggle, it was such a joyous excitement to see.
She brought the doctor in who comfirmed it. They were able to get a screen shot with all three babies and fluttering hearts in one plane. He said he sees a black area which is a pool of blood above the babies which is probably where the spotting is coming from. But he was happy to hear that the spotting seems to be slowing down which might mean the the bleeding is not new or ongoing. He did say that it is something to watch because any bleeding can increase the chance for miscarriage. He said we'll have to become good friends with the high-risk OB and we'll be getting scans around every three weeks for the entire pregnancy.
In a serious deadpan voice he said "So, that means no sky-diving, no scuba diving, no sex, no sports...." So funny when Scott's voice squeaked "Wait, what was the last one. No sex? For how long?" The doctor shot out "Oh, for the entire pregnancy. You want to avoid anything that might cause pre-term labor" and then he moved on to other stuff in the blink of an eye. Oh, poor poor Scott.
The shock:
The shock has not worn off. We are overwhelmed, flabbergasted, speechless. Scott just keeps looking at me and laughing. he'll just say one word out of nowhere. "3." This changes everything. We were just adjusting to the idea of twins. I know a lot of people with twins. twins is doable. My sister has twins and I know how much hard work that was and still is for her. I've been consumed with worry all day...I had such a rough time sleeping, i couldn't stop thinking about it. I know triplets are high risk. Pre-term labor, possible weeks in the NICU, hospital bills...how am I going to work at all? I have such a hard job with unpredictable and sometimes very long hours. Scott's job has childcare but I thought it might be pushing the question to have twin babies in there. Triplets? I don't think that's going to fly? How can I possibly go back to work? We can't afford for me not to. But how are we going to take care of them? I don't want us to drive two large cars...the expense and the gas. But I have a small size sedan. I don't think it can even fit three car seats in the back. We can't ask just anyone to babysit so we can go out for a movie or date night. Are we going to be homebound for the first year? I know it's common to have to go on bedrest during the third trimester. I coudn't even make it two days when we had the IVF. I was miserable. Does this mean my nausea may not go away by next weeks since I have three babies, not one or two?
I also have this fear that we caused this. Did I fight too hard to have children with the IVF? I mean, nothing else worked or even came close? Was the IVF my choice and not God's? Is this happening because I wasn't aligned with what God was trying to tell us? That's my irrational fear. although I can't believe that God punishes by giving you more children. If I believe that our children are a blessing from God, then I can't believe he's punishing him for being selfish. I mean, identical twins!!! He caused for one to become two!!! I also know that it's going to become real obvious that we used fertility treatment since we went from having no babies to having triplets. I hope I don't get quizzed by random people or judged.
I have to believe that God gave us three children, and he will give us the means to provide and take care of these three children. I don't know how. So, I'll have to depend completely on him!!!
This morning was our 10 week ultrasound. I had to work all night by myself and was super tired. I was so nervous but thank God, I didn't get any calls or late cases. I went home to meet Scott and he drove us to the clinic. Man, we had to wait half an hour for our appointment plus additional time since we came in early. I was so tired I ended up lying on a bench and dismally watching as everyone in the entire waiting room was ushered in and I was still stuck outside. I sent Scott to the receptionist to use "my wife has worked all night and hasn't slept yet" to get us some sympathy urgency but we still had to wait another five minutes anyway.
The ultrasound tech came out and got us and apologized for the wait. I was real stoked because she did a belly ultrasound...excellent. The room was small and the ultrasound screen was turned away from me although Scott could see it from his chair. The tech said as soon as she checked measurements and printed out the pictures, she would turn it to show me everything. She started scanning and said "Oh, there's two in there." Yes yes, we're having twins, I guess it wasn't on my chart. I was watching her face the whole time since I couldn't see anything else and thankfully, she said right away "Oh, good, they're both moving." Yah!!! She scanned for a while and said "they've both moving and I see both their heartbeats." Then she kept scanning and she was taking a long time. She kept apologizing that I couldn't see and assuring me that she would show me once she had finished everything. I told her not to worry and just do everything right. I also told her about the spotting and hoped she could find what was causing it. Scott could see and he was watching at first but I think he got bored so he stopped watching. I just lay there and watched the tech. I was having serious trouble trying to relax and not move. Trying to think about not moving just made me itch to move which made me giggle. I was having such a hard time with the giggling fits.
Then the tech got a worried, shocked look on her face. She started to lean close to the screen and she got very quiet and very intense. It just dragged on and my heart starts to sink. I thought she said both babies have good heartbeats. Something must be wrong with them. Her expression wasn't changing and I realized it had to be more serious even. Something was seriously wrong. It was an eternity before she finally broke the silence and without looking away from the screen she said
"Um, I am seeing three babies."
Scott's head whipped up so fast and he said "What?!?" I was flabbergasted. Not to offend her, but she was taking a long time with the scan so my first words were "Are you sure? Can you check again?" Ultrasounds are fuzzy black and white blurs. She was moving that wand all around, how does she know she's not counting the same baby twice.
Again, I can't see the screen so i can only watch the tech's and Scott's faces in the light from the machine. It takes a few minutes but she's showing Scott different angles and sure enough he said "Yup, you're right, there's three." Then we both started nervously laughing. I'm in complete shock.
"But we only put in two." I just kept saying that.
She says it looks like there's just two sacs which is why the previous ultrasounds probably missed the third baby, hiding behind it's identical twin in one sac. Thankfully, the tech did find a thin white line which means that the identical twins actually have a membrane separating them so they are actually in two different sacs. It was forever before i could see. she had never done triplets before so she didn't even know how to enter all that information in the machine.
She turned it to me and I could easily see the two babies. She moved the wand and I saw a white blur in the bottom of one of the sac. What? That blob? Maybe that's a yolk sac or something. Then she moved the wand and the blog got bigger and ...oh, yah, there's the heartbeat.
Three babies.
All with strong fluttering hearts ~ 163 bpm
All measuring roughly about 10w0d
The previously missed baby looks squushed in there...his sibling's feet are right on his head. Oh, I hope he/she has room and they all share. she showed me close-ups of the first two. You know what they look like. Little graham teddy bear crackers...or gummy bears. I said that out loud and the tech laughed and said she always thought so too. Three little graham teddy bears floating around in a little circle. The first and third were sleeping or not moving. But the second one she showed me, one of the identical twins...oh it was alittle jumping bean. It was so cool. It was like a teddy bear cracker waving it's cute little arm and leg buds around. I had to giggle, it was such a joyous excitement to see.
She brought the doctor in who comfirmed it. They were able to get a screen shot with all three babies and fluttering hearts in one plane. He said he sees a black area which is a pool of blood above the babies which is probably where the spotting is coming from. But he was happy to hear that the spotting seems to be slowing down which might mean the the bleeding is not new or ongoing. He did say that it is something to watch because any bleeding can increase the chance for miscarriage. He said we'll have to become good friends with the high-risk OB and we'll be getting scans around every three weeks for the entire pregnancy.
In a serious deadpan voice he said "So, that means no sky-diving, no scuba diving, no sex, no sports...." So funny when Scott's voice squeaked "Wait, what was the last one. No sex? For how long?" The doctor shot out "Oh, for the entire pregnancy. You want to avoid anything that might cause pre-term labor" and then he moved on to other stuff in the blink of an eye. Oh, poor poor Scott.
The shock:
The shock has not worn off. We are overwhelmed, flabbergasted, speechless. Scott just keeps looking at me and laughing. he'll just say one word out of nowhere. "3." This changes everything. We were just adjusting to the idea of twins. I know a lot of people with twins. twins is doable. My sister has twins and I know how much hard work that was and still is for her. I've been consumed with worry all day...I had such a rough time sleeping, i couldn't stop thinking about it. I know triplets are high risk. Pre-term labor, possible weeks in the NICU, hospital bills...how am I going to work at all? I have such a hard job with unpredictable and sometimes very long hours. Scott's job has childcare but I thought it might be pushing the question to have twin babies in there. Triplets? I don't think that's going to fly? How can I possibly go back to work? We can't afford for me not to. But how are we going to take care of them? I don't want us to drive two large cars...the expense and the gas. But I have a small size sedan. I don't think it can even fit three car seats in the back. We can't ask just anyone to babysit so we can go out for a movie or date night. Are we going to be homebound for the first year? I know it's common to have to go on bedrest during the third trimester. I coudn't even make it two days when we had the IVF. I was miserable. Does this mean my nausea may not go away by next weeks since I have three babies, not one or two?
I also have this fear that we caused this. Did I fight too hard to have children with the IVF? I mean, nothing else worked or even came close? Was the IVF my choice and not God's? Is this happening because I wasn't aligned with what God was trying to tell us? That's my irrational fear. although I can't believe that God punishes by giving you more children. If I believe that our children are a blessing from God, then I can't believe he's punishing him for being selfish. I mean, identical twins!!! He caused for one to become two!!! I also know that it's going to become real obvious that we used fertility treatment since we went from having no babies to having triplets. I hope I don't get quizzed by random people or judged.
I have to believe that God gave us three children, and he will give us the means to provide and take care of these three children. I don't know how. So, I'll have to depend completely on him!!!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
9w5-6d: Crying and working nights
It's midnight so i'm between 9w5d and 9w6d.
Weight: 178.0 lb (starting was around 184-185 lb)
Symptoms: Slight chest tenderness and fullness, nausea, tendency to take naps, and constant nausea....and now slight sadness, still spotting but it's remained light consistently so I'm actually not worried
I'm suffering a little from depression sadness. I don't know so much if it is pregnancy rather than just the wear and tear of a month of constant day to day nausea and being bound to my house. Just haven't felt like myself in so long and wondering when I ever will. It seemed like I had a good day this past week and was actually functional with my nausea...I was taking my medication and eating snacks and I was able to keep going during my day. I thought...hey it's looking up. The next few days I felt worse than before. I have to believe that it's still better than it was two weeks ago. Now I feel so sick but I'm functional...I make it through the occasional family lunch, church, and an average of 2-3 work days a week. So, I know it's improved but I have to be honest, that's its not enough that I feel great. I still feel sick.
This past few days I had off because it was a holiday and I'm switching to working nights. I know that I can no longer take melatonin or allergy pills just to induce sleep during the day...which is how I used to adjust so well to working the overnight shift. So, I tried to stay up late every night and sleep and nap during the day. It didn't matter if I took 2 naps during the day, I still couldn't stay up past two in the morning. Plus, we have someone out on vacation so the first two nights on this shift, I'm also going to be working alone.
Tonight as I got ready for work, I started to get so scared. Scott had a friend over so I couldn't pull him aside to talk and pray about it...so I ended up just talking to God and crying in the shower. I'm scared that I won't be physically able to make it through the night, that cases might come up that are too demanding for my fatigued, energy-less food-deprived body...and I just felt so lonely. There will be no one there for me to fall back on for support. I cried and just prayed that God would give me quiet nights...that they pass quickly, that the nausea would abate.
Man, if anything....nausea is a tie to God. I can do nothing more than just pray to God that he gets me through the day, that he quiets down the ill feeling and helps me get closer and closer every day to feeling better. One day, I will want to eat. one day, I will get satisfaction and not feel worse after eating. God will stand by my side tonight and tomorrow while I work and I will not be alone. And then in 36 hours, we will have our 10 week ultrasound which Scott and I are both so excited for. The time I feel the best is around bedtime, I usually get to start feeling normal about an hour before I fall asleep. I think during the day I'm either nauseous or so tired that I feel nauseous. But around 1 in the morning, when I'm lying in bed, I feel neither tired or quite so nauseous. I'm mean I'm sleepy but not the sick tired. So, then I'm always stuck with the choice...should I take a chance and try to eat something which could ruin feeling good or do I just lie there and enjoy feeling good. I usually just lie there and enjoy feeling somewhat normal before I end up knocking out. Then I wake up instantly feeling horrible the next morning.
Scott is going to be on a neighbor island trip when I turn twelve weeks so we're waiting an additional weekend to tell our family and friends. I'll be thirteen weeks. It's 3 weeks away. I can't wait....it's so hard not to talk about it. Plus, my belly is sticking out. I already had a buddha belly before so now it's just adding on. I hope I can hide it for 3 more weeks. Good thing I like baggy clothes.
Weight: 178.0 lb (starting was around 184-185 lb)
Symptoms: Slight chest tenderness and fullness, nausea, tendency to take naps, and constant nausea....and now slight sadness, still spotting but it's remained light consistently so I'm actually not worried
I'm suffering a little from depression sadness. I don't know so much if it is pregnancy rather than just the wear and tear of a month of constant day to day nausea and being bound to my house. Just haven't felt like myself in so long and wondering when I ever will. It seemed like I had a good day this past week and was actually functional with my nausea...I was taking my medication and eating snacks and I was able to keep going during my day. I thought...hey it's looking up. The next few days I felt worse than before. I have to believe that it's still better than it was two weeks ago. Now I feel so sick but I'm functional...I make it through the occasional family lunch, church, and an average of 2-3 work days a week. So, I know it's improved but I have to be honest, that's its not enough that I feel great. I still feel sick.
This past few days I had off because it was a holiday and I'm switching to working nights. I know that I can no longer take melatonin or allergy pills just to induce sleep during the day...which is how I used to adjust so well to working the overnight shift. So, I tried to stay up late every night and sleep and nap during the day. It didn't matter if I took 2 naps during the day, I still couldn't stay up past two in the morning. Plus, we have someone out on vacation so the first two nights on this shift, I'm also going to be working alone.
Tonight as I got ready for work, I started to get so scared. Scott had a friend over so I couldn't pull him aside to talk and pray about it...so I ended up just talking to God and crying in the shower. I'm scared that I won't be physically able to make it through the night, that cases might come up that are too demanding for my fatigued, energy-less food-deprived body...and I just felt so lonely. There will be no one there for me to fall back on for support. I cried and just prayed that God would give me quiet nights...that they pass quickly, that the nausea would abate.
Man, if anything....nausea is a tie to God. I can do nothing more than just pray to God that he gets me through the day, that he quiets down the ill feeling and helps me get closer and closer every day to feeling better. One day, I will want to eat. one day, I will get satisfaction and not feel worse after eating. God will stand by my side tonight and tomorrow while I work and I will not be alone. And then in 36 hours, we will have our 10 week ultrasound which Scott and I are both so excited for. The time I feel the best is around bedtime, I usually get to start feeling normal about an hour before I fall asleep. I think during the day I'm either nauseous or so tired that I feel nauseous. But around 1 in the morning, when I'm lying in bed, I feel neither tired or quite so nauseous. I'm mean I'm sleepy but not the sick tired. So, then I'm always stuck with the choice...should I take a chance and try to eat something which could ruin feeling good or do I just lie there and enjoy feeling good. I usually just lie there and enjoy feeling somewhat normal before I end up knocking out. Then I wake up instantly feeling horrible the next morning.
Scott is going to be on a neighbor island trip when I turn twelve weeks so we're waiting an additional weekend to tell our family and friends. I'll be thirteen weeks. It's 3 weeks away. I can't wait....it's so hard not to talk about it. Plus, my belly is sticking out. I already had a buddha belly before so now it's just adding on. I hope I can hide it for 3 more weeks. Good thing I like baggy clothes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)