Sunday, April 15, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
17 weeks pulling through the fog
Gestation: 17 weeks 0 days
Weight: 207.8 lb
Symptoms: still mild to moderate nausea (still taking my 4 pills of zo.fran a day), fatigue, belly bump (clothes don't fit), stages of extremem hunger, out of breath easily, been spotting (dark and just a tinge) consistently for a week now
Baby girl: Her skeleton is transforming froms oft cartilage to bone. Her umbilical cord is growing stronger and thicker. She weighs 5 ounces now!!! She can move her joints and her sweat glands are starting to develop. She's about the size of a turnip (which I have no idea what that looks like).
This past week, much better than previous weeks because I'm over the worst of my cold but it is lingering. I think our household has been sick for almost a month now. Thank goodness, it is Spring break so I have the week off which has just been a lifesaver for me. The nausea is mild and usually, I can just distract myself with activities and not mind it. I still take my full dose of medicine because I just want to feel normal. I'm so much more better but I do get a little depressed because I just want a day to feel normal and the last three months have taken their toll.
On Monday, we went to a movie and I ate a hot dog. I know i'm scared that those are one of the risky foods to eat but it was something I was craving so bad. It tasted so good! On Tuesday, I dropped C off at the babysitter's and I cleaned my house. We've all been getting hit hard with allergies so i'm trying to tackle the dirt and dust that used to be our house. I was so productive. I'm sleepy tired but I was able to keep moving for the whole day. Yesterday, I took C to the beach. Carrying her across sand takes such a toll on me and my body. Just walking up a short hill to get to the sand, I found myself slowly panting and heaving.
I now understand why obese people can't exercise. I always watch those shows and just think "why don't they just do a little walking every day." But I'm so tired every day...I try to save what energy I have for things that I must absolutely do...buy groceries, make dinner for the fam, bathe my baby. I have to collapse on the couch just to recover. I find myself having to give up halfway through my to-do lists. Yesterday was great for C, but I'm paying the price today. I just don't have the energy. It was just an hour trip to the beach but the physical toll, then giving baths, washing our salty clothes and towels, I'm so sluggish today.
I also need to go buy maternity clothes. My pants are too tight to wear. Oh, and I ate breakfast but didn't eat lunch. I don't even notice and can go the whole day without eating but some days (like yesterday), I was just starving. I ate a small meal every three hours. I only stopped because I finished off all the beef stroganoff and there was just nothing left to eat.
I can't remember being this fatigued the first pregnancy so I don't know if this is going to change or if maybe I'm just out of shape. I'm so thankful for this break from work...I wish I had just a little more time. I'm also picking up more photography gigs...which is great when I'm sitting at my computer setting them up but I wonder how wise it is. That trip to the beach yesterday took it out of me...will I have enough to do these shoots?
Weight: 207.8 lb
Symptoms: still mild to moderate nausea (still taking my 4 pills of zo.fran a day), fatigue, belly bump (clothes don't fit), stages of extremem hunger, out of breath easily, been spotting (dark and just a tinge) consistently for a week now
Baby girl: Her skeleton is transforming froms oft cartilage to bone. Her umbilical cord is growing stronger and thicker. She weighs 5 ounces now!!! She can move her joints and her sweat glands are starting to develop. She's about the size of a turnip (which I have no idea what that looks like).
This past week, much better than previous weeks because I'm over the worst of my cold but it is lingering. I think our household has been sick for almost a month now. Thank goodness, it is Spring break so I have the week off which has just been a lifesaver for me. The nausea is mild and usually, I can just distract myself with activities and not mind it. I still take my full dose of medicine because I just want to feel normal. I'm so much more better but I do get a little depressed because I just want a day to feel normal and the last three months have taken their toll.
On Monday, we went to a movie and I ate a hot dog. I know i'm scared that those are one of the risky foods to eat but it was something I was craving so bad. It tasted so good! On Tuesday, I dropped C off at the babysitter's and I cleaned my house. We've all been getting hit hard with allergies so i'm trying to tackle the dirt and dust that used to be our house. I was so productive. I'm sleepy tired but I was able to keep moving for the whole day. Yesterday, I took C to the beach. Carrying her across sand takes such a toll on me and my body. Just walking up a short hill to get to the sand, I found myself slowly panting and heaving.
I now understand why obese people can't exercise. I always watch those shows and just think "why don't they just do a little walking every day." But I'm so tired every day...I try to save what energy I have for things that I must absolutely do...buy groceries, make dinner for the fam, bathe my baby. I have to collapse on the couch just to recover. I find myself having to give up halfway through my to-do lists. Yesterday was great for C, but I'm paying the price today. I just don't have the energy. It was just an hour trip to the beach but the physical toll, then giving baths, washing our salty clothes and towels, I'm so sluggish today.
I also need to go buy maternity clothes. My pants are too tight to wear. Oh, and I ate breakfast but didn't eat lunch. I don't even notice and can go the whole day without eating but some days (like yesterday), I was just starving. I ate a small meal every three hours. I only stopped because I finished off all the beef stroganoff and there was just nothing left to eat.
I can't remember being this fatigued the first pregnancy so I don't know if this is going to change or if maybe I'm just out of shape. I'm so thankful for this break from work...I wish I had just a little more time. I'm also picking up more photography gigs...which is great when I'm sitting at my computer setting them up but I wonder how wise it is. That trip to the beach yesterday took it out of me...will I have enough to do these shoots?
Saturday, March 24, 2012
16 weeks sigh
Gestations: 16 weeks 2 days
Weight: 205.6 lb
Symptoms: mild to moderate nausea, lessening motion sickness, bulging belly, barely noticeable larger breasts, trouble eating normal to large meals, still tired
Baby: baby girl is about 4 inches long and 3-4 ounces. She's the size of an avocado. That seems big to me since Astro got down to 1 lb 12 oz after birth. Baby girl is starting to make different expressions and bones have formed in her ear meaning that she can start to hear now.
Boy, boy, just got home from the Eas.ter fun fair. So exhausted. Thank goodness that I'm starting spring break. I'm just feeling useless.
My cold is still lingering but it finally started to dissipate on Tuesday. The nausea dropped from severe to moderate but I just passed sixteen months and I still feel it. Not horrible, but I'm not normal. Super upset.
This past week, I felt much more normal most of the days but I also started having trouble eating. My stomach just feels pushed up. I noticed that just eating a little would make my stomach hurt and it felt like I had food in my throat. So, I'm battling to eating small but frequent meals and not feeling like I want to eat sometimes.
I'm trying to put in more at work but it just get tired out so easily. It's so much walking...just getting to my office from the car takes it out of me. I know I'm way better than a month ago so I'm trying to do more also.
I'm in stretchy yoga pants. Halfway through the week, I just realized that my pants waistband was just too tight. The rest of my clothes fit fine, just the waist. I need to go buy some maternity clothes before school starts up again. I'm been spotting again since yesterday but just spotting and it is very dark and old-looking. Still, torn between trying to clean my house and get myself in order during spring break and also knowing I don't want to risk pushing myself.
Today I found myself rubbing my tummy. I think I'm starting to look and feel pregnant. It's nice. We've been telling people in person and word is getting around. We go to the specialist in a week for our next ultrasound. With the spotting, I'm relieved the ultrasound is coming quickly and we should find out for sure if we are having a girl or not.
'
So glad to be here at 16 weeks. Hoping 17 weeks brings a complete end to nausea...a little scared this pregnancy is going to be different. Please no!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
15 weeks 0 days Sickness, Nausea and a lovely trip to the ER
Gestational Age: 15 weeks 0 days
Pregnancy Weight: 205.6 lb
Symptoms: some bleeding over the weekend, nausea, motion sickness, a growing belly, bluish veins on chest
Well, I took so long to blog that I kind of forget everything. I just remember
12 weeks 3 days and 4 days: The nausea was bad that I wanted to just give up. I threw up in the St. John bathroom at work which is a disgustingly dirty place anyway...I then am scared to go back in there. I called my doctor almost crying. The medicine isn't working, i want to try something else...anything else. They said that I could try another medicine but it was less effective and wouldn't take away the nausea but it would also make me drowsy and some people have difficulty going to work because of the drowsiness. So, whatever, I'll stick with it.
Then right before I hit 13 weeks, I felt a huge change. My nausea is still consistent and all day long but it is much less intense. It became so much more milder. Oh, my goodness...could it be?!? Even before i hit 14 weeks. I started feeling so much happier, the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter. We were going to make it!!
We told Scott's grandparents that we were pregnant and his feisty grandma's first response was that we needed to be careful. That she miscarried during her fourth month of pregnancy three times. That she was horribly sick with nausea and when it finally started to go away, then she miscarried. Well, isn't that lovely...so then that got me stinking worrying about the sudden decrease in nausea miserableness.
I know nausea is a rollercoaster but a week went by without having a really bad day. All right!!! then we got super busy...my brother and his familly came in, I was swamped at work. The fatigue and constant driving around really got my nausea revved up. Scott told people at his working place so we saw them all at a baby shower and everyone was super excited. Then that night, as I was going to bed, I coughed or sneezed and felt a rush of wetness. I thought it was pee until I looked and saw bright red bloo.
Scott was using the bathroom but I barged in and just said "i'm bleeding." It was midnight and I was bleeding a heavy bright red flow. I kept going to the bathroom and TMI...sometimes I could just push and a stream of blood would come out as if I was peeing. I knew it wasn't a good sign. But I also knew we were exhausted. My brother and his family were sleeping in the living room. And I knew if I was miscarrying, the hospital wouldn't be able to do anything. So, I told Scott that we should just try to get some sleep and go to the ER in the morning. I couldn't sleep of course...I kept going to the bathroom every 30 minutes and wiping away blood. I managed to sleep for about 4 hours and I woke up at six...I was still bleeding. So, Scott and I dropped C off at his parents and went to the hospital.
All night, I just kept thinking about what I did to cause a miscarriage. I had been active that day but nothing too hard. I had been feeling so nauseous that i laid down a lot. I didn't carry anything heavy. I started questioning whether it was because I took an extra Zof.ran pill every now and then. I had taken that one allergy pill that one day and I wasn't positive if that was allowed. Maybe she had passed away weeks before and my body was only now started to reject her. Our last appointment was three weeks prior, why the doctors have me scheduled for an appointment later in the first trimester instead of at 11 weeks.
I also just wondered if we produced defective children and C was truly our one and only miracle child. I held it together the whole time we got to the hospital and checked in. Answered questions matter-of-factly, just felt cold inside and out. They put me in a room and the doctor came in with an ultrasound machine. I wouldn't look. He was moving the wand around and I kept a timed commentary in my head "he's looking for the baby...he found her...he's looking at the heart...there's no heartbeat...he waits...no heartbeat...he moved to try a different angle...still no heartbeat." Then he took the wand away and said "I see the baby...I see a nice heartbeat."
What?!? Then the flood of tears just broke. Oh, my God. I cant' believe it. He was such a nice doctor. He picked the wand back up and showed us. There she was...lying on her back looking bigger than the last time we saw her. He did a pelvic exam and I was still bleeding although much less. So they had an ultrasound tech do a better ultrasound to look for the source of bleeding They suspect my placenta might be covering the cervix which it can move. They think there might be a tiny bit of blood but can't be sure. They said that it would be a very bad sign if i was earlier in my pregnancy but I'm in a much better stage but he stressed, I'm not out of the woods yet. No pelvice activity (my head whipped around to look at poor Scott).
Sunday, the bleeding started to fade and then decrease but by the end of Monday it was just spotting and then completely disappeared. What a relief.
My regular OB waved off the ultrasound tech's idea that I might have placenta previ.a. She said "they're not my brother. he'll find out for sure." So I saw baby on Sunday and heard her heartbeat on Monday. I go back tomorrow for a regular visit so I'll hear her again...that's very reassuring.
Unfortunately, the stress and the lack of sleep made me vulnerable and I came down with a super bad cold. all this phlegm and coughing has just shot my nausea back up to overdrive. I threw up the remains of slurpee on Monday. That brings this pregnancy's vomit number to more than with the triplet pregnancy. So, now I'm at 15 weeks and I don't see the nausea getting better. BLAH!!! My poor hubby is back to being depressed again. Hopefully next week will bring a different story.
Pregnancy Weight: 205.6 lb
Symptoms: some bleeding over the weekend, nausea, motion sickness, a growing belly, bluish veins on chest
Well, I took so long to blog that I kind of forget everything. I just remember
12 weeks 3 days and 4 days: The nausea was bad that I wanted to just give up. I threw up in the St. John bathroom at work which is a disgustingly dirty place anyway...I then am scared to go back in there. I called my doctor almost crying. The medicine isn't working, i want to try something else...anything else. They said that I could try another medicine but it was less effective and wouldn't take away the nausea but it would also make me drowsy and some people have difficulty going to work because of the drowsiness. So, whatever, I'll stick with it.
Then right before I hit 13 weeks, I felt a huge change. My nausea is still consistent and all day long but it is much less intense. It became so much more milder. Oh, my goodness...could it be?!? Even before i hit 14 weeks. I started feeling so much happier, the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter. We were going to make it!!
We told Scott's grandparents that we were pregnant and his feisty grandma's first response was that we needed to be careful. That she miscarried during her fourth month of pregnancy three times. That she was horribly sick with nausea and when it finally started to go away, then she miscarried. Well, isn't that lovely...so then that got me stinking worrying about the sudden decrease in nausea miserableness.
I know nausea is a rollercoaster but a week went by without having a really bad day. All right!!! then we got super busy...my brother and his familly came in, I was swamped at work. The fatigue and constant driving around really got my nausea revved up. Scott told people at his working place so we saw them all at a baby shower and everyone was super excited. Then that night, as I was going to bed, I coughed or sneezed and felt a rush of wetness. I thought it was pee until I looked and saw bright red bloo.
Scott was using the bathroom but I barged in and just said "i'm bleeding." It was midnight and I was bleeding a heavy bright red flow. I kept going to the bathroom and TMI...sometimes I could just push and a stream of blood would come out as if I was peeing. I knew it wasn't a good sign. But I also knew we were exhausted. My brother and his family were sleeping in the living room. And I knew if I was miscarrying, the hospital wouldn't be able to do anything. So, I told Scott that we should just try to get some sleep and go to the ER in the morning. I couldn't sleep of course...I kept going to the bathroom every 30 minutes and wiping away blood. I managed to sleep for about 4 hours and I woke up at six...I was still bleeding. So, Scott and I dropped C off at his parents and went to the hospital.
All night, I just kept thinking about what I did to cause a miscarriage. I had been active that day but nothing too hard. I had been feeling so nauseous that i laid down a lot. I didn't carry anything heavy. I started questioning whether it was because I took an extra Zof.ran pill every now and then. I had taken that one allergy pill that one day and I wasn't positive if that was allowed. Maybe she had passed away weeks before and my body was only now started to reject her. Our last appointment was three weeks prior, why the doctors have me scheduled for an appointment later in the first trimester instead of at 11 weeks.
I also just wondered if we produced defective children and C was truly our one and only miracle child. I held it together the whole time we got to the hospital and checked in. Answered questions matter-of-factly, just felt cold inside and out. They put me in a room and the doctor came in with an ultrasound machine. I wouldn't look. He was moving the wand around and I kept a timed commentary in my head "he's looking for the baby...he found her...he's looking at the heart...there's no heartbeat...he waits...no heartbeat...he moved to try a different angle...still no heartbeat." Then he took the wand away and said "I see the baby...I see a nice heartbeat."
What?!? Then the flood of tears just broke. Oh, my God. I cant' believe it. He was such a nice doctor. He picked the wand back up and showed us. There she was...lying on her back looking bigger than the last time we saw her. He did a pelvic exam and I was still bleeding although much less. So they had an ultrasound tech do a better ultrasound to look for the source of bleeding They suspect my placenta might be covering the cervix which it can move. They think there might be a tiny bit of blood but can't be sure. They said that it would be a very bad sign if i was earlier in my pregnancy but I'm in a much better stage but he stressed, I'm not out of the woods yet. No pelvice activity (my head whipped around to look at poor Scott).
Sunday, the bleeding started to fade and then decrease but by the end of Monday it was just spotting and then completely disappeared. What a relief.
My regular OB waved off the ultrasound tech's idea that I might have placenta previ.a. She said "they're not my brother. he'll find out for sure." So I saw baby on Sunday and heard her heartbeat on Monday. I go back tomorrow for a regular visit so I'll hear her again...that's very reassuring.
Unfortunately, the stress and the lack of sleep made me vulnerable and I came down with a super bad cold. all this phlegm and coughing has just shot my nausea back up to overdrive. I threw up the remains of slurpee on Monday. That brings this pregnancy's vomit number to more than with the triplet pregnancy. So, now I'm at 15 weeks and I don't see the nausea getting better. BLAH!!! My poor hubby is back to being depressed again. Hopefully next week will bring a different story.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
13 weeks 0 days It's so much better
Today I'm actually 13 weeks 6 days but I never posted from last week Thursday.
Gestational Age: 13 weeks 0 days
Pregnancy weight: 206.8 lb
Symptoms: no chest tenderness, no cravings, headaches on certain days (probably dehydration),
Friday, February 24, 2012
12 weeks 0 days It's not working
Gestational Age: 12w0d
Pregnancy Weight: 205.6 (I am about 30 lb heavier than this stage in the first pregnancy)
Symptoms: Moderate but persistent nausea from morning to night, gagging, having to walk slowly, hate car rides, no motivation,
Food aversions: anything saucy or moist, I crave dairy but it does not sit well with me
Baby is: about 2 inches long and weighs in at 0.5 oz. She's developing reflexes like opening and closing her hand, curling her toes and making sucking movements with her mouth.
I am so close but I feel like I'm losing steam. So time is slowing down and I'm rapidly running out of motivation and hope. I have about two minutes from the time I wake up until I feel the nausea start to rise through my groggy fog. And there it rumbles with me until about ten minutes after I fall asleep. I have the feeling that my medicine is not working for me. I feel no different after taking it but I take it anyway, all four pills because if it is working, then I don't want to experience how bad it is when I don't take it.
This past Monday I had a period of normalcy. I had a photo shoot in the morning and met Scott for lunch. I of course didn't feel like food so I suggested shave ice but then realized that there were hunger pangs mixed in with the nausea. So we ate Hawaiian food, beef stew and lau lau. And I ate and ate and it tasted good. I felt great afterward. I was so happy. Maybe this was the turn around. Really, this week, I feel much better than I did a week and half ago. But it's still nausea. After Monday's experience, I keep trying to recreate that great feeling. Forcing myself to eat, hoping to get the same response. It's not been successful. It's depressing. I want to know at what point I start to feel better. But I know this week on a whole has been much better than last week. I'm not happy but I'm able to do work. Yes, I'd much rather lie in bed all day but I can get myself to move around and do stuff. I have noticed that I feel better on weekends...I really do think it's the mentality of being able to relax that helps.
We went to see our specialist on Tuesday for a first screening, the dreaded NT test. I was so anxious but I saw the tech type in NT=1.0. Oh, I know that's good!!! So, when the doctor came in, he told me what I already suspected. Baby is looking normal...boring is the word he used. Of course, we'll do a more thorough check with the cardiologist at 20 weeks but we passed one milestone. And yes, we know it's super early but we asked for a look at the crotch and in his medical best opinion, giving it about a 90% chance...he declared we are having an....
another girl!
ha ha ha, we know the baby is small but I'm going to assume that he's right and maybe we'll just get another surprise at the next visit. he was right the last time=)
Ha ha, I can't believe another girl. Oh, boy, I hope we can come up with a girl name that we both like. That's so difficult for us.
We're not going as public as the first time with facebook and blogs. But we are starting to tell people around us. I called my siblings after the doctor said everything looks good with her heart. My sisters are so excited...the pregnant one cried. My brother kind of took it in an odd fashion, sounded like something else was bothering him but I don't know what. The big thing was I told my work place. I've only been there half a year so I don't think they're that happy but they're rolling with it. Phew, I was dreading that part.
I hit 12 weeks which is a big milestone. Now, if I can just hit 14 weeks and then 16 weeks, I know I'm going to see dramatic improvement in the nausea. I just wish the end of nausea would get her a ton bit faster.
Pregnancy Weight: 205.6 (I am about 30 lb heavier than this stage in the first pregnancy)
Symptoms: Moderate but persistent nausea from morning to night, gagging, having to walk slowly, hate car rides, no motivation,
Food aversions: anything saucy or moist, I crave dairy but it does not sit well with me
Baby is: about 2 inches long and weighs in at 0.5 oz. She's developing reflexes like opening and closing her hand, curling her toes and making sucking movements with her mouth.
I am so close but I feel like I'm losing steam. So time is slowing down and I'm rapidly running out of motivation and hope. I have about two minutes from the time I wake up until I feel the nausea start to rise through my groggy fog. And there it rumbles with me until about ten minutes after I fall asleep. I have the feeling that my medicine is not working for me. I feel no different after taking it but I take it anyway, all four pills because if it is working, then I don't want to experience how bad it is when I don't take it.
This past Monday I had a period of normalcy. I had a photo shoot in the morning and met Scott for lunch. I of course didn't feel like food so I suggested shave ice but then realized that there were hunger pangs mixed in with the nausea. So we ate Hawaiian food, beef stew and lau lau. And I ate and ate and it tasted good. I felt great afterward. I was so happy. Maybe this was the turn around. Really, this week, I feel much better than I did a week and half ago. But it's still nausea. After Monday's experience, I keep trying to recreate that great feeling. Forcing myself to eat, hoping to get the same response. It's not been successful. It's depressing. I want to know at what point I start to feel better. But I know this week on a whole has been much better than last week. I'm not happy but I'm able to do work. Yes, I'd much rather lie in bed all day but I can get myself to move around and do stuff. I have noticed that I feel better on weekends...I really do think it's the mentality of being able to relax that helps.
We went to see our specialist on Tuesday for a first screening, the dreaded NT test. I was so anxious but I saw the tech type in NT=1.0. Oh, I know that's good!!! So, when the doctor came in, he told me what I already suspected. Baby is looking normal...boring is the word he used. Of course, we'll do a more thorough check with the cardiologist at 20 weeks but we passed one milestone. And yes, we know it's super early but we asked for a look at the crotch and in his medical best opinion, giving it about a 90% chance...he declared we are having an....
another girl!
ha ha ha, we know the baby is small but I'm going to assume that he's right and maybe we'll just get another surprise at the next visit. he was right the last time=)
Ha ha, I can't believe another girl. Oh, boy, I hope we can come up with a girl name that we both like. That's so difficult for us.
We're not going as public as the first time with facebook and blogs. But we are starting to tell people around us. I called my siblings after the doctor said everything looks good with her heart. My sisters are so excited...the pregnant one cried. My brother kind of took it in an odd fashion, sounded like something else was bothering him but I don't know what. The big thing was I told my work place. I've only been there half a year so I don't think they're that happy but they're rolling with it. Phew, I was dreading that part.
I hit 12 weeks which is a big milestone. Now, if I can just hit 14 weeks and then 16 weeks, I know I'm going to see dramatic improvement in the nausea. I just wish the end of nausea would get her a ton bit faster.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
10w4d: Trying my best
Gestation: 10 weeks 4 days
Weight: 208 lb
Symptoms: horrible nausea, gagging, dry heaving, motion sickness, constipation, napping daily, lackluster
Food aversions: Most food
Okay food: random right now, I could go for a Caesar salad, i like meatloaf or hamburger steak, i always seem to want dairy like chocolate milk, but it makes me feel sick afterward
So, last week the nausea got super bad. I upped my 2 pills of zo.fran to 3 pills a day....some days were four. I called the clinic and thankfully they said that I could increase my dose to 4 pills a day but that was the maximum. After that, to try it with sea bands and/or B6 if it wasn't enough. I told them that sea bands didn't work for me the first time and they said you never know....it might this time around. Even with the four pills, I was sick...I just wanted to call in sick and crawl into bed and cry until 20 weeks. I tried B6 pills and am only taking two 50 mg a day with food...the nurse said you can go up to 200 mg daily. It seemed to work...really well...but the side effect was that I suspect that the combination of medicine is knocking me out. I took B6 for the first time friday night, then proceeded to sleep in the next morning...get up briefly...and then nap uncontrollably to 2 in the afternoon. Almost all of Saturday, I didn't feel nauseous but I felt completely drugged. Since then, I've been oscillating between being nauseous and being sedated and drowsy. Trying not to take both things at once.
On Friday, we went to our second ultrasound...our 10 week ultrasound. We couldn't find a sitter so our baby C was with us. Baby bean is still small but amazingly starting to form shape. I could see the arms and the legs, and every now and then baby bean would jump off the side of the sac. So amazing. The ultrasound helps but still doesn't make it feel real. I just feel sick. I don't feel pregnant. I don't feel special. I don't feel like that little bouncing gummy bear on the screen is in side me. Then they listened to the heart beat which was in the 180s and sounded great and I looked up to my baby C in my husband's arms, watching the screen listening to her sibling's heartbeat for the first time and I started to tear.
I have a regular OB appt this Thursday at 11 weeks and then a first screen/NT scan next week Tuesday.
My hubby and I had a rough week last week. I'm miserable and depressed from being sick. He's having to do everything and he's getting overwhelmed and miserable himself. So, we're both feeling depressed and neither of us can help the other...we got into a huge fight. Selfishly, I just wished he would just suck it up. I keep thinking that if he can just suck it up and do it for the next few weeks, I'll make up for it when I feel better. And he feels he's doing everything he possible can. So, with the medicine and B6, I have tried to make an effort to do more...although it be pitiful.. I washed bottles on Friday night. Whoohoo, start the ticker tape parade.
I'm struggling at work...thankfully, this week looks like it might be a little less stressful. I'm just trying to survive...although it gets really sloppy. I don't know if my absences are getting noticeable. I can't call in sick because my job doesn't work like that, I have things that need to get done with daily deadlines. And I am trying to keep what little sick leave I have for maternity leave...when I take maternity leave, I'll have only had this job for exactly one year. Something I'm worried that my workplace isn't really going to like after hiring me. I tried telling one of my coworkers today...we're pretty close...but she's also very critical. I would have loved to have someone at work who knew what was going on and would understand why I'm leaving work early or just working from home. Websites say to talk to your work early if you're having a rough trimester and maybe they can work with you until you get past the hard part. My coworker didn't receive it that great. Not exactly an excited response. It was like a "oh" followed by monotone questions "how old is your other baby?" "was this natural?"...then a long time later "well, I guess...congratulations?!" Oh well, this is my life...my family...and I have a right to have family. I just know it will be a huge inconvenience and problem at work. We don't exactly have people that can cover for our positions.
Now being past 10 weeks, I can only hope that the next few weeks fly by and that i see improvement in my symptoms with each week. Reading my blog from the first pregnancy, I know it was a roller coaster ride...I'm hoping I still see an easier ride. I know it was pretty much gone by 16 weeks and got better by 14 weeks. I'm just a few days away from 11....I'm hoping that by 12, there might be some change...then 14...then 16. That makes it easier for me to think of then...just 5.5 weeks more 16 weeks. That's over a month. I'm going to just try to get to 12 and 14. Much more doable.
I also regret taking on photography gigs. Seriously, I wish I could cancel the one I have this week. I completely forgot what it was like during the first trimester. NEVER EVER book jobs for the first trimester.
Friday, February 3, 2012
9 weeks I must be pregnant
Gestation: 9 weeks 0 days
Pregnancy weight: 206.8 lb
Symptoms: nausea, gagging, near vomiting, crying at everything, tires easily, constipated
Baby: about an inch long, or the size of a grape. tail is finally gone, eyes are formed but eyelids are fused shut, heart has finished forming four chambers and those sex organs are already formed
Thank goodness for Z.of.ran. Started taking it last week Friday and it was instant relief. So much so, that I didn't even take it Sunday morning and I felt completely normal. All the way to 3 pm. I started to freak out that the pregnancy was ending and every symptom was vanishing. Then I go from that to today and yesterday where I'm taking more than the dosage. I'm supposed to take 2 a day..yesterday was a 3 pill day. Today, I can't remember if I took a third pill but I want to take another one. But I have been able to accomplish things, I took it before photographing a 1st birthday party for 3 hours and although I did feel a little sick, I could push through it and keep my mind focused.
The past few days have been horrific. I was walking out of the bookstore today and I felt like throwing up, right there on the stairs in the most populated area on campus. I hid behind a pillar and pretended to read the store sign while I breathed in an out. Actually, I was also trying to hide from the girl walking up the stairs in case I just tossed my cookies. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to the car so I stopped at the dining hall and bought a small meal. And as a side effect, the pill has stopped all exiting out of the stomach in both directions. I can't tell you when the last time I went to the bathroom (TMI) but it's been a long while.
I've been sleeping in and leaving work early. I'm just so tired. Plus the z.of.ran makes me tired too. So, I can't cut my sleep short at all. But I have been staying up late and getting work done. I figure I just have to do what I can to make my time as bearable as possible.
I cry at everything. I'm always a crier but it seems that every show makes me cry. Sometimes I don't know exactly why I'm crying.
We think we're having a girl. We kind of hope we're having a girl. But I'd be super excited to have a boy too. Can you want both equally? I do. My sis is giving birth in a month and I can't wait to tell her..we definitely want all the gear we're giving her back!!! And I can't wait for this trimester to be over. I watch all these food shows and wonder when I'll be able to reward myself with a yummy meal. Oh, that will be heaven. I can't remember if I ever achieved that in the first pregnancy.
So, next week Friday is our next ultrasound. We'll be at ten weeks. Just one more week to go. I can't wait!!! We also take our last shots next week. We think it's the 9th but we're not totally sure because we lost the schedule. Oops. that will be wonderful although they've gotten much better. My sides itch but not nearly as much. And I don't know if my skin is getting numb but they also hurt a lot less.
Pregnancy weight: 206.8 lb
Symptoms: nausea, gagging, near vomiting, crying at everything, tires easily, constipated
Baby: about an inch long, or the size of a grape. tail is finally gone, eyes are formed but eyelids are fused shut, heart has finished forming four chambers and those sex organs are already formed
Thank goodness for Z.of.ran. Started taking it last week Friday and it was instant relief. So much so, that I didn't even take it Sunday morning and I felt completely normal. All the way to 3 pm. I started to freak out that the pregnancy was ending and every symptom was vanishing. Then I go from that to today and yesterday where I'm taking more than the dosage. I'm supposed to take 2 a day..yesterday was a 3 pill day. Today, I can't remember if I took a third pill but I want to take another one. But I have been able to accomplish things, I took it before photographing a 1st birthday party for 3 hours and although I did feel a little sick, I could push through it and keep my mind focused.
The past few days have been horrific. I was walking out of the bookstore today and I felt like throwing up, right there on the stairs in the most populated area on campus. I hid behind a pillar and pretended to read the store sign while I breathed in an out. Actually, I was also trying to hide from the girl walking up the stairs in case I just tossed my cookies. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to the car so I stopped at the dining hall and bought a small meal. And as a side effect, the pill has stopped all exiting out of the stomach in both directions. I can't tell you when the last time I went to the bathroom (TMI) but it's been a long while.
I've been sleeping in and leaving work early. I'm just so tired. Plus the z.of.ran makes me tired too. So, I can't cut my sleep short at all. But I have been staying up late and getting work done. I figure I just have to do what I can to make my time as bearable as possible.
I cry at everything. I'm always a crier but it seems that every show makes me cry. Sometimes I don't know exactly why I'm crying.
We think we're having a girl. We kind of hope we're having a girl. But I'd be super excited to have a boy too. Can you want both equally? I do. My sis is giving birth in a month and I can't wait to tell her..we definitely want all the gear we're giving her back!!! And I can't wait for this trimester to be over. I watch all these food shows and wonder when I'll be able to reward myself with a yummy meal. Oh, that will be heaven. I can't remember if I ever achieved that in the first pregnancy.
So, next week Friday is our next ultrasound. We'll be at ten weeks. Just one more week to go. I can't wait!!! We also take our last shots next week. We think it's the 9th but we're not totally sure because we lost the schedule. Oops. that will be wonderful although they've gotten much better. My sides itch but not nearly as much. And I don't know if my skin is getting numb but they also hurt a lot less.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
8w0d Nausea rollercoaster
Gestational Age: 8 weeks 0 days
Pregnancy weight: 208 lb.
Symptoms: nausea up and down all day all night, no BB tenderness
Baby: about 1/2 inch long, the heart is forming four separate chambers and beating ~150 bpm, the eyelids, ears, and webbed fingers and toes are forming this week
I'm so thankful to be at 8 weeks already, 2 months down but I feel like the weeks stretch out so far ahead of me. A long time before we're out of this horrible first trimester. A month to go is a long time. Sheesh. I'm just going to have to focus on the 9 and 10 week milestones.
I'm at work right now but I wish I could just quit or take the next two months off and just lie in bed. Of course, I fluctuate between feeling almost normal and started to feel relieved and excited and then depressed with the fear that my symptoms are disappearing because I lost the baby. Yesterday morning, I had a pretty normal morning and started to think this must be the end. Then by the 2 o clock, it started to set back in and it just got worse and worse until last night I was lying in bed ready to cry. I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep but the nausea was overwhelming me and keeping me awake. So i got up and choked down two pieces of white bread. It's so hard because it is so dry that it makes me gag and I have to concentrate on keeping my mind distracted. But I think it did break the nausea down to lik 60-70% and I fell asleep. This morning I'm not feeling so hot.
Tomorrow is my first pre-natal appt with the Kaneohe Clinic. Although, they still won't take my word that I'm pregnant. They're going to do a pregnancy test and they want my forms from the clinic. I'm hoping to schedule my next ultrasound for 2 weeks from now. That will give us something to look forward to.
I'm at work now. I ate a piece of bread at home to try to stave off. I don't feel the nauseous urge to throw up usually. And I don't gag that much but I do, just randomly. Or walking makes me feel nauseous. I feel all hot and flustered. Walking down my front stairs, i started gagging and dry heaving. I wasn't even feeling that bad. It's so random.
I'm eating though. I just had rice and hamburger patty. I think if I eat, the nausea is at 40-50% constantly and then if I don't or if I just hit a rough patch, it jumps up to 80%.
Sorry to complain, but reading my post with the first pregnancy reallly helps to read the details. http://waitingforbabyjoash.blogspot.com/2010/03/8w0d-pregnant-and-miserable.html
Pregnancy weight: 208 lb.
Symptoms: nausea up and down all day all night, no BB tenderness
Baby: about 1/2 inch long, the heart is forming four separate chambers and beating ~150 bpm, the eyelids, ears, and webbed fingers and toes are forming this week
I'm so thankful to be at 8 weeks already, 2 months down but I feel like the weeks stretch out so far ahead of me. A long time before we're out of this horrible first trimester. A month to go is a long time. Sheesh. I'm just going to have to focus on the 9 and 10 week milestones.
I'm at work right now but I wish I could just quit or take the next two months off and just lie in bed. Of course, I fluctuate between feeling almost normal and started to feel relieved and excited and then depressed with the fear that my symptoms are disappearing because I lost the baby. Yesterday morning, I had a pretty normal morning and started to think this must be the end. Then by the 2 o clock, it started to set back in and it just got worse and worse until last night I was lying in bed ready to cry. I was so exhausted and wanted to sleep but the nausea was overwhelming me and keeping me awake. So i got up and choked down two pieces of white bread. It's so hard because it is so dry that it makes me gag and I have to concentrate on keeping my mind distracted. But I think it did break the nausea down to lik 60-70% and I fell asleep. This morning I'm not feeling so hot.
Tomorrow is my first pre-natal appt with the Kaneohe Clinic. Although, they still won't take my word that I'm pregnant. They're going to do a pregnancy test and they want my forms from the clinic. I'm hoping to schedule my next ultrasound for 2 weeks from now. That will give us something to look forward to.
I'm at work now. I ate a piece of bread at home to try to stave off. I don't feel the nauseous urge to throw up usually. And I don't gag that much but I do, just randomly. Or walking makes me feel nauseous. I feel all hot and flustered. Walking down my front stairs, i started gagging and dry heaving. I wasn't even feeling that bad. It's so random.
I'm eating though. I just had rice and hamburger patty. I think if I eat, the nausea is at 40-50% constantly and then if I don't or if I just hit a rough patch, it jumps up to 80%.
Sorry to complain, but reading my post with the first pregnancy reallly helps to read the details. http://waitingforbabyjoash.blogspot.com/2010/03/8w0d-pregnant-and-miserable.html
Thursday, January 19, 2012
7 weeks 1 Day-First Ultrasound..It's a....
....baby.
Symptoms: Complete nausea all day
Weight Change=not weighing myself
Milestones: Baby is the size of a blueberry this week
This morning was our first ultrasound at the IVF clinic. I started feeling nauseous early on, for the past week already. If I'm not feeling too nauseous, it's because I'm too exhausted to feel anything else but tired. There are some mornings when I wake up feeling glorious, rested and carefree. And little by little, I can feel the nausea start to creep on as time passes. I'm forcing myself to eat. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't make a difference, sometimes it makes me feel worse. But I'm eating 3 meals a day so far so I know it's not the worst it can be.
We went to the clinic this morning. Scott was a little late because of traffic so they just rushed us in. Seriously, the fastest ultrasound ever. I don't think the doc even bothered to sit down. He's the sandyhaired doctor. I can never remember their names. He turned the screen and said "there's your uterus, and there's the pregnancy."
One baby.
One baby measuring right on target with a flickering heartbeat.
Yes, a huge relief but I'm ashamed to say I'm a bit disappointed. I really had hoped for twins. It would bring us back to having three kids and seem like everything came full circle. And our baby C is special and extraordinary because of her journey. Following up with twins would mean that they would be special too. That's just my foolish thinking. I want them all to feel special. It's quite a weird concept to think that we're going to have a single, normal pregnancy. I don't know what that's like.
Plus, I"m disappointed because I want tons of kids and I realize that not every embryo is going to give us a baby. This might be our second and our last. Still, besides that stupid disappointment, I'm hopeful and so excited.
Scott said he had a dream two nights ago that he was getting the mail and he had two daughters with him (one being baby c). That's why he was so sure we weren't having twins. Well, we're certainly closer to his dream coming true.
I honestly can't believe I feel this sick with just one baby. I feel worse at this point then I did with triplets. Up until today, I had this irrational fear that I was pregnant with quads. Hmmm, I did read somewhere that morning sickness seems to be worse when you're pregnant with girls. I never buy into some of the conception and pregnancy myths I see out there...but this one could be something to think about. I actually would really like another girl. I love having a daughter. Plus, it would just make things a lot easier. We have all the clothes in the world for a little girl. We wouldn't have to buy anything, we're all set.
In one week, I'll be at 8 months. Two thirds of the way through the first trimester. Please protect my baby (girl/boy) and form their heart, organs and brain true and whole.
Symptoms: Complete nausea all day
Weight Change=not weighing myself
Milestones: Baby is the size of a blueberry this week
This morning was our first ultrasound at the IVF clinic. I started feeling nauseous early on, for the past week already. If I'm not feeling too nauseous, it's because I'm too exhausted to feel anything else but tired. There are some mornings when I wake up feeling glorious, rested and carefree. And little by little, I can feel the nausea start to creep on as time passes. I'm forcing myself to eat. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't make a difference, sometimes it makes me feel worse. But I'm eating 3 meals a day so far so I know it's not the worst it can be.
We went to the clinic this morning. Scott was a little late because of traffic so they just rushed us in. Seriously, the fastest ultrasound ever. I don't think the doc even bothered to sit down. He's the sandyhaired doctor. I can never remember their names. He turned the screen and said "there's your uterus, and there's the pregnancy."
One baby.
One baby measuring right on target with a flickering heartbeat.
Yes, a huge relief but I'm ashamed to say I'm a bit disappointed. I really had hoped for twins. It would bring us back to having three kids and seem like everything came full circle. And our baby C is special and extraordinary because of her journey. Following up with twins would mean that they would be special too. That's just my foolish thinking. I want them all to feel special. It's quite a weird concept to think that we're going to have a single, normal pregnancy. I don't know what that's like.
Plus, I"m disappointed because I want tons of kids and I realize that not every embryo is going to give us a baby. This might be our second and our last. Still, besides that stupid disappointment, I'm hopeful and so excited.
Scott said he had a dream two nights ago that he was getting the mail and he had two daughters with him (one being baby c). That's why he was so sure we weren't having twins. Well, we're certainly closer to his dream coming true.
I honestly can't believe I feel this sick with just one baby. I feel worse at this point then I did with triplets. Up until today, I had this irrational fear that I was pregnant with quads. Hmmm, I did read somewhere that morning sickness seems to be worse when you're pregnant with girls. I never buy into some of the conception and pregnancy myths I see out there...but this one could be something to think about. I actually would really like another girl. I love having a daughter. Plus, it would just make things a lot easier. We have all the clothes in the world for a little girl. We wouldn't have to buy anything, we're all set.
In one week, I'll be at 8 months. Two thirds of the way through the first trimester. Please protect my baby (girl/boy) and form their heart, organs and brain true and whole.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
6 weeks 3 days Slight Nausea and Nervous for 1st Ultrasound
Weight: Heck no
Symptoms: No longer loving food, periodic nausea, periodic fatigue
So, I lost all my pregnancy weight through grief and spending my days in the hospital. Then I gained my pregnancy weight back and more through grief and having a baby at home. I now actually weigh more than when I was pregnant. So, I've not stepped on the scale in a few months now. I figure I'll get that nice shock when I go to the doctor's office in a few weeks.
Of course, ideally, I thought I would try to get into shape before we tried again but time ran out and I had gained weight instead. Aw frick!
I don't know if it is because I'm looking for it more but I've started to get periods of nausea already. Oh, no, it's starting already!!! I am at the phase where I'm not interested in food but then I think of something and go "Mmmm, yes, I want to eat that." So we get it, I eat it, then I feel nauseous and decide I never ever want to eat that again. I can no longer eat leftovers and I'm going to run out of new foods soon. Sometimes I'm really nauseous and most of the day I feel pretty normal. Right now I'm good. No explanation. So I'm not really watching what I'm eating or how much I'm eating. I actually try to eat whenever I can because I know the worst is coming soon. And since I really just don't have a hunger, I am really not drinking at much soda or tea as I used to because I just don't feel like eating or drinking
Some days I feel great like yesterday. Just energetic and motivated. Then today, I was falling asleep by lunch. Thank goodness it was a Saturday. I told the hubby to watch the little one, went to my bed and slept for three hours. Was tired all night but now that I'm at the computer, I feel fine. BBs don't feel tender which worry me. but after breastfeeding and that tenderness, maybe I'm just desensitized.
All I can think of is how that u/s appt. on Thursday will either bring me crushing news or the hugest blessing. I want to start to hope for the future but so much leans on that little doctor's appt.
Symptoms: No longer loving food, periodic nausea, periodic fatigue
So, I lost all my pregnancy weight through grief and spending my days in the hospital. Then I gained my pregnancy weight back and more through grief and having a baby at home. I now actually weigh more than when I was pregnant. So, I've not stepped on the scale in a few months now. I figure I'll get that nice shock when I go to the doctor's office in a few weeks.
Of course, ideally, I thought I would try to get into shape before we tried again but time ran out and I had gained weight instead. Aw frick!
I don't know if it is because I'm looking for it more but I've started to get periods of nausea already. Oh, no, it's starting already!!! I am at the phase where I'm not interested in food but then I think of something and go "Mmmm, yes, I want to eat that." So we get it, I eat it, then I feel nauseous and decide I never ever want to eat that again. I can no longer eat leftovers and I'm going to run out of new foods soon. Sometimes I'm really nauseous and most of the day I feel pretty normal. Right now I'm good. No explanation. So I'm not really watching what I'm eating or how much I'm eating. I actually try to eat whenever I can because I know the worst is coming soon. And since I really just don't have a hunger, I am really not drinking at much soda or tea as I used to because I just don't feel like eating or drinking
Some days I feel great like yesterday. Just energetic and motivated. Then today, I was falling asleep by lunch. Thank goodness it was a Saturday. I told the hubby to watch the little one, went to my bed and slept for three hours. Was tired all night but now that I'm at the computer, I feel fine. BBs don't feel tender which worry me. but after breastfeeding and that tenderness, maybe I'm just desensitized.
All I can think of is how that u/s appt. on Thursday will either bring me crushing news or the hugest blessing. I want to start to hope for the future but so much leans on that little doctor's appt.
FET #1
After our first successful IVF, we had four embryos that were frozen for the future use. We never really had a game plan on trying again but watching C grow up and how she loved playing with other babies, we just felt like we had to make up for the fact that she didn't get to play with her siblings. And honestly, when you're anticipating bringing three babies home and then you had two girls in the hospital but then you only bring one home, your house fills surprisingly empty. So, I have a job at an educational institution so we just grabbed the opportunity to do an FET with two of our four embryos during the winter break.
This round has been completely different. I was real bummed because I thought that FET would have much less injections than a fresh IVF. It's pretty much the same. And this round is completely different. I never thought it hurt that much the first time but maybe I just don't remember. Some days, the needle just slides in and sometimes he has to poke through goodness knows what and I'm yelling out in pain. Damn it hurts.
We did the transfer on Monday, Dec 19. I only bedrested for really a day because even though I had off...my hubby had to work and we now have a toddler. It was during christmas week craziness. That really helped pass the two week wait but it also made me worry because it seemed like this was just an add-on, something that we weren't really focusing on. I was worried that we weren't putting enough energy into it.
I took a pee test on Christmas morning and I remember being frozen with fear. How am I going to face this if it doesn't show up positive. Really, I haven't even considered the possibility that it won't work. I say I'm prepared for the worse but every part of me is hoping and planning ahead to a possible due date. But then the best Christmas day I have ever had started with the faintest of lines.
Of course I took two more EPT's every other day until my blood test and I lovingly stare at those beautiful lines all the time.
1st beta: 62 at 12 dp 5dt
2nd beta: 425 at 14 dp5dt
3rd beta: 6100 at 22 dp5dt?
We have our first ultrasound next thursday. I'm trying so hard to keep busy because the days are just crawling by. I am so thankful. I'm thankful. I'm so relieved. I'm scared. I'm still in disbelief. I'm trying to shoo away those thoughts of fear and "what ifs." I have no words of wisdom for myself, I'm just taking things as they come.
This round has been completely different. I was real bummed because I thought that FET would have much less injections than a fresh IVF. It's pretty much the same. And this round is completely different. I never thought it hurt that much the first time but maybe I just don't remember. Some days, the needle just slides in and sometimes he has to poke through goodness knows what and I'm yelling out in pain. Damn it hurts.
We did the transfer on Monday, Dec 19. I only bedrested for really a day because even though I had off...my hubby had to work and we now have a toddler. It was during christmas week craziness. That really helped pass the two week wait but it also made me worry because it seemed like this was just an add-on, something that we weren't really focusing on. I was worried that we weren't putting enough energy into it.
I took a pee test on Christmas morning and I remember being frozen with fear. How am I going to face this if it doesn't show up positive. Really, I haven't even considered the possibility that it won't work. I say I'm prepared for the worse but every part of me is hoping and planning ahead to a possible due date. But then the best Christmas day I have ever had started with the faintest of lines.
Of course I took two more EPT's every other day until my blood test and I lovingly stare at those beautiful lines all the time.
1st beta: 62 at 12 dp 5dt
2nd beta: 425 at 14 dp5dt
3rd beta: 6100 at 22 dp5dt?
We have our first ultrasound next thursday. I'm trying so hard to keep busy because the days are just crawling by. I am so thankful. I'm thankful. I'm so relieved. I'm scared. I'm still in disbelief. I'm trying to shoo away those thoughts of fear and "what ifs." I have no words of wisdom for myself, I'm just taking things as they come.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Update
Well, if you found this blog looking for advice on triplets...maybe you've found out you're pregnant with triplets and are searching for support, you may not want to read this blog. It's been almost 17 months since I last blogged. I know...because my daughter, the youngest of three and my sole surviving triplet is almost 17 months. She and her sisters were born two days after my last pregnancy update.
I started having a lot of small contractions so I lay in bed all day. They seemed to be lessening but when I woke up in the middle of the night to pee...my water broke. Later that day, my temperature spiked and the doctors can only guess that I had some sort of infection that triggered labor. The rest became a blur. My three girls were born at 26 weeks 1 day gestation. Because of Baby B (R)'s heart condition worsened by her immature lungs, she passed away within just a few hours. I was still in recovery from my emergency c-section and didn't have a chance to even hold her until it was too late. She was 2 lb 4 oz.
Baby A (A) was born first at just 1 lb 12 oz but she was so strong. Her little lungs were surprisingly strong and we could hear her cute little cry when she was just a day old. She was doing amazingly well and growing on track...until she came down with an intestinal infection, N.E. C.. It overcame her and we would lose her when she was just 19 days old.
Baby C (C) was born last at 2 lb 4 oz. She had always done great but did not enjoy the stress of being delivered. She wasn't breathing and had to be resuscitated. She didn't seem to be enjoying jospital life as well as her older sister, but she was always a cruiser. After 81 days in the NICU, she came home. Literally, she saved me. It was a dark time that tore at my heart daily and holding her while I cried and mourned for her sisters was my only comfort. I had found quite a few stories of triplets who were born too early. Until I read those stories, I had never really grasped why it really was a high-risk pregnancy. As painful as it has been to lose my girls, I'm still dealing with the grief...I know that not everyone came home with a baby at all. Baby C is my blessing and I pray over her crib every night. I'm so frightened of losing my last little girl.
If you are pregnant with triplets, here is my one advice. Leave your job if you have to. Stay in bed and never get up. I had only finished work a few weeks before. The doctors thought I was doing great and warned me that bedrest was around the corner but they hadn't given me the official command. So, I was freaking out that we weren't ready. The house wasn't ready. Nothing was bought for them. My high-risk doctor told us and I agree that there really isn't much medical proof that bedrest does anything. There might be but it really isn't signficant. But he did tell us that it is for peace of mind. That you never look back and have regrets.
I have such regrets. I feel such guilt. We had run around to all these stores on Monday, trying to buy curtains and a crib. I lay back in the car when we were driving and I rode in a wheelchair in al the stores but that is when the contractions seemed to get consistent. Not close enough to warrant alarm but definitely increased. And they were present until my water broke about 36 hours later. I wish I had just quit my job and just lay down. I will always wonder if things would have been different if I hadn't been stressing...if I hadn't been moving. I can't dwell on it. It's taken me a long time to get out of the deep blackness into just a tolerable sadness. But it changed my life and it changed me. I miss the person I was.
It's been 17 months. We had an amazing support system. We now have best friends who we met through this whole ordeal. NICU nurses and people who just started showing up to give us support. We've met people in the last year who don't even know our story and just think C is our first and only baby. It gives you a sense of normalcy.
C is amazing. Sweet, funny, stubborn, energetic, a climber. She loves to give kisses and dance. She stayed here to give us comfort while her sisters are together in heaven.
I started having a lot of small contractions so I lay in bed all day. They seemed to be lessening but when I woke up in the middle of the night to pee...my water broke. Later that day, my temperature spiked and the doctors can only guess that I had some sort of infection that triggered labor. The rest became a blur. My three girls were born at 26 weeks 1 day gestation. Because of Baby B (R)'s heart condition worsened by her immature lungs, she passed away within just a few hours. I was still in recovery from my emergency c-section and didn't have a chance to even hold her until it was too late. She was 2 lb 4 oz.
Baby A (A) was born first at just 1 lb 12 oz but she was so strong. Her little lungs were surprisingly strong and we could hear her cute little cry when she was just a day old. She was doing amazingly well and growing on track...until she came down with an intestinal infection, N.E. C.. It overcame her and we would lose her when she was just 19 days old.
Baby C (C) was born last at 2 lb 4 oz. She had always done great but did not enjoy the stress of being delivered. She wasn't breathing and had to be resuscitated. She didn't seem to be enjoying jospital life as well as her older sister, but she was always a cruiser. After 81 days in the NICU, she came home. Literally, she saved me. It was a dark time that tore at my heart daily and holding her while I cried and mourned for her sisters was my only comfort. I had found quite a few stories of triplets who were born too early. Until I read those stories, I had never really grasped why it really was a high-risk pregnancy. As painful as it has been to lose my girls, I'm still dealing with the grief...I know that not everyone came home with a baby at all. Baby C is my blessing and I pray over her crib every night. I'm so frightened of losing my last little girl.
If you are pregnant with triplets, here is my one advice. Leave your job if you have to. Stay in bed and never get up. I had only finished work a few weeks before. The doctors thought I was doing great and warned me that bedrest was around the corner but they hadn't given me the official command. So, I was freaking out that we weren't ready. The house wasn't ready. Nothing was bought for them. My high-risk doctor told us and I agree that there really isn't much medical proof that bedrest does anything. There might be but it really isn't signficant. But he did tell us that it is for peace of mind. That you never look back and have regrets.
I have such regrets. I feel such guilt. We had run around to all these stores on Monday, trying to buy curtains and a crib. I lay back in the car when we were driving and I rode in a wheelchair in al the stores but that is when the contractions seemed to get consistent. Not close enough to warrant alarm but definitely increased. And they were present until my water broke about 36 hours later. I wish I had just quit my job and just lay down. I will always wonder if things would have been different if I hadn't been stressing...if I hadn't been moving. I can't dwell on it. It's taken me a long time to get out of the deep blackness into just a tolerable sadness. But it changed my life and it changed me. I miss the person I was.
It's been 17 months. We had an amazing support system. We now have best friends who we met through this whole ordeal. NICU nurses and people who just started showing up to give us support. We've met people in the last year who don't even know our story and just think C is our first and only baby. It gives you a sense of normalcy.
C is amazing. Sweet, funny, stubborn, energetic, a climber. She loves to give kisses and dance. She stayed here to give us comfort while her sisters are together in heaven.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)