Morning body temp: 97.23
This morning is the roughest I've had. I was really praying last night. If my temp stayed high, I was planning on testing on Tuesday (tomorrow), also when I'm expecting AF...and Tuesday (tomorrow) is our 2 year anniversary. I just thought this would be the most amazing time...I couldn't ask for a better day...even better than getting pregnant on my birthday. Also, our close friends just tested positive a week ago so if we tested positive now...our babies would just be a few days apart. I couldn't help but get so excited especially with my temps staying rock solid.
last night, I finally slept real well (we had the air con on and I was all snuggled up)...and my morning temp...97.23 (yesterday was 97.8). I already got that sinking feeling because I was watching the numbers climb and they were already going slow in the upper 96. I realized that I would be lucky to get out of the 96 degree range.
I seriously cried a lot...and got angry. I got angry at God. I feel like I'm being punished or tested. If it is neither of the above, then I'm suffering through this for no real reason. I've tried so hard this past year and half to stay positive and stay faithful and a I get so angry when I feel like it has got me nowhere. The hubby came in and I was crying and just telling me how mad I was. He then tried to make me feel better by telling me that I'm blessed and that I should be happy. Which of course made me feel worse and I got so mad, I stormed out of the house and drove around the nearest botanical garden to calm down.
It took a while but watching "Ruby" kind of inspired me again to get up and keep moving on. I'm scared to have to do IVF especially since I've been excited to try things like clomid and IUIs and they didn't bring us success. I'd really be happy to NOT have to resort to IVF, so I'm praying that God rescues me.
Guessing that tomorrow is AF day...unless she's tardy and Wednesday. Already ordered a new batch of fertility monitor test sticks...just resorting myself back to the grind. Meeting with someone tomorrow who has gone through this and is a strong christian woman. I don't know what I'm going to ask but I'm really looking forward to it.
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