9w5-6d: Crying and working nights

It's midnight so i'm between 9w5d and 9w6d.

Weight: 178.0 lb (starting was around 184-185 lb)

Symptoms: Slight chest tenderness and fullness, nausea, tendency to take naps, and constant nausea....and now slight sadness, still spotting but it's remained light consistently so I'm actually not worried

I'm suffering a little from depression sadness. I don't know so much if it is pregnancy rather than just the wear and tear of a month of constant day to day nausea and being bound to my house. Just haven't felt like myself in so long and wondering when I ever will. It seemed like I had a good day this past week and was actually functional with my nausea...I was taking my medication and eating snacks and I was able to keep going during my day. I thought...hey it's looking up. The next few days I felt worse than before. I have to believe that it's still better than it was two weeks ago. Now I feel so sick but I'm functional...I make it through the occasional family lunch, church, and an average of 2-3 work days a week. So, I know it's improved but I have to be honest, that's its not enough that I feel great. I still feel sick.


This past few days I had off because it was a holiday and I'm switching to working nights. I know that I can no longer take melatonin or allergy pills just to induce sleep during the day...which is how I used to adjust so well to working the overnight shift. So, I tried to stay up late every night and sleep and nap during the day. It didn't matter if I took 2 naps during the day, I still couldn't stay up past two in the morning. Plus, we have someone out on vacation so the first two nights on this shift, I'm also going to be working alone.

Tonight as I got ready for work, I started to get so scared. Scott had a friend over so I couldn't pull him aside to talk and pray about it...so I ended up just talking to God and crying in the shower. I'm scared that I won't be physically able to make it through the night, that cases might come up that are too demanding for my fatigued, energy-less food-deprived body...and I just felt so lonely. There will be no one there for me to fall back on for support. I cried and just prayed that God would give me quiet nights...that they pass quickly, that the nausea would abate.

Man, if anything....nausea is a tie to God. I can do nothing more than just pray to God that he gets me through the day, that he quiets down the ill feeling and helps me get closer and closer every day to feeling better. One day, I will want to eat. one day, I will get satisfaction and not feel worse after eating. God will stand by my side tonight and tomorrow while I work and I will not be alone. And then in 36 hours, we will have our 10 week ultrasound which Scott and I are both so excited for. The time I feel the best is around bedtime, I usually get to start feeling normal about an hour before I fall asleep. I think during the day I'm either nauseous or so tired that I feel nauseous. But around 1 in the morning, when I'm lying in bed, I feel neither tired or quite so nauseous. I'm mean I'm sleepy but not the sick tired. So, then I'm always stuck with the choice...should I take a chance and try to eat something which could ruin feeling good or do I just lie there and enjoy feeling good. I usually just lie there and enjoy feeling somewhat normal before I end up knocking out. Then I wake up instantly feeling horrible the next morning.


Scott is going to be on a neighbor island trip when I turn twelve weeks so we're waiting an additional weekend to tell our family and friends. I'll be thirteen weeks. It's 3 weeks away. I can't wait....it's so hard not to talk about it. Plus, my belly is sticking out. I already had a buddha belly before so now it's just adding on. I hope I can hide it for 3 more weeks. Good thing I like baggy clothes.