22 weeks 1 day= Up in the air

Gestational Age: 22 w 1 d
Symptoms: super large belly, belly button opening squished to just a slit, stretch marks on the BB but none on the belly yet (yah), contractions, baby movements, still peeing every 2-3 hrs at night
Prayer Requests: a miracle. Gizmo's heart valve to open up and the fluid around her heart to disappear, for her left ventricle to receive blood that allows takes away the calcification and that it beats regularly. Please protect Astro that her health is not endangered by her identifical twin's health. For our docs to have wisdom and for them to be knowledgeable in the areas we need.

So another visit to the cardiologist. I thought this one would be faster but it was still over 90 minutes of just scanning. 90 minutes of scanning one baby's heart. The room was hot and I was trying so hard not to get restless and fidget. I tried to look at the screen but it is hard to figure anything out. I did smile when I got glimpses of arms or legs or her sweet face. And she was squirming around in there which made me smile. I felt a lot of kicks and moves, I guess the ultrasound wand got them all worked up.

Then the Dr. sat down with us after that loooong scan. And our other specialist came in and sat down in the middle of the meeting. Dr. S, the cardiologist, said that her heart looks the same, that she does appear to have aortic atresia and that her left ventricle is enlarged and does not seem to be beating properly. He says overall her heart looks bigger (and not just cause she's getting bigger) but he says it looks to him like there's less fluid around the heart (AMEN, that's what I was praying for, my good little girl).

There's some docs from San Diego here and they're having a docs get together so he's going to present our case to them and get their opinion. Whether surgery is even an option. She may be born too small because she's a triplet and will be a preemie. If there is a shot, then Scott and I will have to go up to San Diego and be prepared to stay there for a while. We were a little shocked when Dr. O (our specialist) said he'd send us up there at 25-26 weeks (up that's 3-4 weeks from now)...whoa. That's a little shocking to think of. I'm okay but I just feel bad for Scott. I'm set to leave work but how is he going to keep working. If the surgeries are an option, we also may have to stay there for about 6 months after the delivery

This time they brought up the idea of termination as an option. They said they just have to lay out the options. I don't know how they get the numbers that they use. Looking online, it said that 20% of babies die while waiting for a transplant but the doc quoted us almost 50%. The online journal said that about 40% of identical twins suffered brain damage if their twin died in utero but the doc from last week quoted us 60%. And this week, Dr. O told us that there's a 30-40% chance that our identical twin "Astro" could die as well if Gizmo passes away.

I told them that I was just not comfortable with the idea of terminating. I said, I of course would have to know it was an option as things change or our options change but I had to put it to them so they knew. Last week, while we were being prayed for, I just felt like God created all these girls. He formed every hair on their head and I just kept thinking "I can't harm a single hair on their heads." I told God that. They're his creations, they're his children.

The doctor brought up yet another option. If surgery is not an option, we could choose to stay here in Hawaii and deliver here although they don't have the facilities to deal with Gizmo's heart problems. All they would do is provide care for as long as she could survive. He said that he had families who were against termination who chose that option. I was relieved to hear that although much later it struck me that these were probably singleton pregnancies, in my case there's risk to the other two girls involved. I tried to pin down the cardiologist for his estimate at her chance of survival to delivery. he hemmed and hawed for a while and said he was just guessing that she had a 60% of survival to delivery.

So now we just wait to hear what the san diego doctors say.

I still marvel at how things went from being so great and blissful to just being an emotional nightmare. Logically, I wonder how we would handle the expenses of moving to a new state for a good part of a year, finding a place, renting, we would need a car, a mattress, still pay mortgage at our hawaii home, need someone to stay at our home to take care of it and take care of our dog, taking care of 2 of the babies once they come out of the hospital while the Gizmo is still receiving medical care, and I'm scared to ask how much insurance will cover for medical costs especially with both of us not working. Thankfully, I really believe Scott's job will work with us as much as they can but, last night, he brought up getting a job at a fast food restaurant that our friends have in California. Emotionally, I just have no idea what choices we'll be asked to make and I have no idea how we'll make them. Believe me, it's a despairing thought but I have to push it away for now. God got us this far, he's in for the entire journey. Everything sounds so scary but he hasn't forsaken us, he's held his promises.

I miss the days when a triplet pregnancy was the biggest of my worries. I have my good days and bad days. Last week, I just came home from work and just lay down all night, trying to let my body recuperate as much as possible before my next day at work. This week, I feel a little stronger although last night, I was having a lot of contractions. I only feel them because my bladder gets squished and I have to fight the urge to pee. I'm at 22 weeks...unbelievable...I would be so proud of myself and my body for standing up pretty well. I feel like we could go really long with this pregnancy....if this was just a regular triplet pregnancy.

I've started a cocoa butter regimen, three times a day. I don't know if it will work but at least my skin is super moisturized and smooth. I have this area on my left upper abdomen which is so painful. I thought it was the skin but now I think it's the muscle. It feels like a torn muscle. I looked it up....it's just muscle pain from it being stretched and there's nothing you can do...but I find myself subconsciously rubbing it all day long. For the last week, I was only feeling movement/kicks in one area. The top so I figured it's Slugger. But yesterday riled them up and I feel them on the top, my right side, and down below (which feels weird and I lovingly tell them to stop that when I feel that one).

I'm 10 weeks away from the average delivery date for triplets, 6 weeks away from the critical 28 week mark. Please let the time just fly by with my baby girls chugging along. Lord, these are your girls, teach me how you want them raised.