15w1d Prayers needed

Timeline: 15w1d
Weight: 179 lb (6 lb down from pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms: Weird arthritis of the hips, spider veins in the BB, insomnia, motion sickness.

When I start to walk after lying down or sleeping, I'm an old woman. Weird pains and aches in the hips and joints. Must be those hormones causing everything to relax. I actually think I'm more flexible. I hate my job and switching sleep schedules...I've been sleeping 4-6 hours every day and then maybe taking an hour nap on the cold, hard floor in my office at work. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired I feel sick, so I've been gagging whenever I start to move. Walking, driving. Last night, I was trying to drive to get food and I realized that I was going to throw up. I was at an intersection and stuck at a red light. I gagged and swallowed and drove to McDonalds where I had to pull into a stall, lean out the door, and vomit water and my zofran pill all over the parking lot. Oh, goodness. Thank god, Scott has napkins in his glove compartment.

Yesterday was my 15w ultrasound with the specialist. I couldn't believe it but the appointment coincided with Scott having to be at the airport to leave for a work trip. I was so bummed that he couldn't be with me, he was very bummed as well. I got my older sis to come with me and we promised to text him before he got on the plane. We've really been hoping and praying that we get some good news this time around, every time, the doctor seems to just say "only thing we can do is wait and watch." I want him to say, yes, this looks promising. Just once.

Baby A
measuring 14w3d (4 days behind gestationally)
weighs 3 oz

Baby B
measuring 15w5d (5 days ahead gestationally)
weighs 5 oz (!!!!)

They really are right on top of each other so the doc was having a wild time trying to zero in on each one to get measurements of the head, brain, heart, and bones. He kept muttering "your children are being very difficult." Wow, to hear "your children" is mind-blowing. My sister and I both pestered him with "Hey, if you can see the gender, we would LOVE to know." the babies looked to squished and it was a hard angle but he finally said "I have a feeling these identicals are girls." YAH!!! we were hoping they were girls. I asked "What do mean, you have a feeling? Like you feel it in your heart." He said "No, I just don't see anything sticking out down there."

Cassan texted Scott that they were girls and healthy right before he got on the plane.

Then we moved on to the fraternal twin

Baby C
15w2d (2 days ahead gestationally)
4 oz

Baby C looks great. And then the doc said "Hmmm, I think this one is also a girl." My sister just started laughing. My sister with the five girls. My sister who I teased endlessly when she was pregnant with fraternal twins only to find out that they were both girls. WHAT!!! 3 girls. I don't even have one girl name that I like, now I have to come up with three. I think girls are so much harder to name than boys. Well, everyone we know has girls and we've already got tons of baby girl clothing hand-me-downs. I did say "The doc can be wrong." Sometimes things hide themselves...but I have the feeling we're having girls.

He went back to the identicals...he said their bladders and amniotic fluid look good. That's a relief, I know those are big indicators of Twin to Twin Trans.fusion. But then he was scanning and we all saw something. He was looking at baby A, the smallest baby, and you could the skeleton and ribs. And there was something waving at the tip of the spine. I thought it was at the top near the head but the doc told me later that I was backwards and it was at the tail end. But it was something just waving away. What was that? Is that a hand? What the heck? The doc tried zooming in but he said the baby was too small to get a decent enough look. So, he said "well, it can be a number of things." I asked "Like?" He brought up two options

Spin.al bif.ida= where the spinal column doesn't close properly. He says that the location is good, if it was further up the spine, it would be more harmful. Where it is now, the baby has a good chance of being able to walk normally.

A tumor. As if I couldn't hear anything worse than the first option. I think the doc sensed it, because his nurse jumped in and said that it was more common than you know...that they just had a baby last week with a tumor. My sister says that she thinks here husband had to have one removed. I asked what this meant. The doc says that it would just have to be removed once the baby was born.

He admitted that our triplets are having an above average number of complications, he brought up Baby B's thick neck measurement last time and now this abnormality on Baby A's spine...the huge discrepency in size. I asked him what our odds were and he said that you don't count on odds. He said because the size difference has been from so early on, it's more serious than if it started to develop later in development. Sigh. My sister was so positive, she seemed totally sure that everything is going to be fine. I'm starting to worry if I'm coming home with three babies and what that life will be like.

The hardest part was having to wait all night while Scott was on the plane so I could update him when he finally called. The last thing he heard was that it was girls and that they were healthy. I hated having to tell him yet another development. We're only at 15 weeks, we have a whole other half of pregnancy to go. He's such a rock, he just takes it in stride. Somehow, I feel like this is my fault. It's half of my DNA, they're in my body. I still think that as much as Scott really wanted kids, I wanted them more. I got us to where we are today, going through IVF, choosing to put in 2 embryos and not just one. I can't help but feel responsible.

We go back in two weeks, Scott will be back by then, which is a blessing. I miss him so much and it's a tough time. I really wish he was here.