Weight: 179.0 lb
Symptoms: Nausea, slight chest tenderness, taking a nap everyday but it's inevitable since I'm lying down every possible minute
According to online research, our babies are now both an inch long and their tails are gone. Oh, thank goodness. Their eyelids are fusing shut and won't open until the end of the second trimester. Their organs and muscles are working and they're actually moving although I won't be able to feel it for a few months. They are male or female and are showing it, although we also won't be able to see that for a few months on the ultrasound.
I told Scott about that, and I was shocked when he said he didn't want to know the gender. He was thinking about being surprised. I thought about it for a minute and then told him "I have to know. Don't worry, I won't tell you if you don't want to know but I just have to know." He laughed and said we can talk about, we do have a while and we're not out of the woods. He did say it's going to look real suspicious if I start buying all pink clothes and dresses. Hmmm, so true.
So 9 weeks was also monumental because it was officially the last of my progesterone injection...the last of months and months of all sorts of injections and shots. Oh my goodness. We did two shots a day in the beginning. They started off with injections at night and then we changed medicine and they were shots in the morning. You have to do it about the same time every day with about a 2 hour window so we had to get creative. We had our house full of people barbecuing and we would sneak off to our room. We had to do it while babysitting with insistent and curious toddlers knocking on the door wondering why we were hiding. The best was when we went to Vegas and the time difference screwed us royally. It put the daily shot at lunchtime (and this is no shot that you can just do in the arm or in the leg)...it has to be in the lovely buttocks. I had a workshop and Scott had to come to the hotel conference room at lunchtime and then we had to hunt for someplace to do the shot. The hotel was huge so we didn't have time to leave and go anywhere more private...and there were no single bathrooms.
So, I had to sneak into the men's bathroom. I figured it was a safer bet because there was only one male in my workshop and the rest were all women so we took a chance with the men's bathroom. We were so fortunate that no one walked in because you could totally see our feet beneath the stall door and I'm sure it would have looked very suspicous.
I am a little nervous about no more shots though. They have kind of been a crutch. I'm scared to have to just rely on just my body to do the job. Yikes.
Nausea wise-well, I don't know if it mental, but it seems like there's hope. With the medicine, I've been eating 1.5-2 meals a day so I'm not feeling as lightheaded and energy-less. Still not as much food as I would like so I'm looking forward to eating lots when the nausea is finally gone. And I actually have bouts when I feel normal. They don't last too long but I get so encouraged when I feel like I might actually make it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
8w6d Trip to the ER
Well my good luck with no spotting ended. In the middle of the night, early Saturday morning, I made my usual mid-sleep trip to the bathroom and there was a lot of dark blood on the toilet paper. I freaked but remembered that spotting is too be expected and it was not bright red. Spotted all saturday and into Sunday.
Then I headed to work on Sunday afternoon and felt some gushes. I had to leave work, i had to go home to change clothes anyway and I was debating going to the hospital. My ob-gyn office was closed and by the time I got home, I was bleeding bright red and regularly. Scott and I went to the hospital ER and I thought I was pretty calm and collected. I felt so horrible because all I could try to console myself was...hey there's two...if you lose one, you'll still have the other one. And there's got to be too small a chance that you would lose both. I was proud of myself for being so calm while checking in. I told scott to bring a book because I know trips to the ER always takes hours of waiting. I had all my information ready for the hospital. The guy who checked me in and asked me all sorts of questions was so nice and cheerful and I could tell he was trying to keep me distracted. Still, it hit me where I was and I had to look at Scott with tears welling in my eyes and fight back the tears. They took us right in and gave us a room and as soon as they left us alone, I started crying. I just sobbed and Scott hugged me. Maybe they heard my sobs through the hallway because we didn't wait more than ten minutes before the doctor came in. They had me change into a robe and told me they were going to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound.
The doctor was super nice and while he was waiting for the nurse to get some special light for his clear plastic speculum, he asked if he could do the ultrasound. He did a belly ultrasound, said that since I was past 8 weeks, they didn't have to do a vag-cam. And there on the screen was two little blobs. Oh, thank God they're still in there. And he tried to show us both their heartbeats. But it was a laptop screen and I was looking up at it so I could only see the bottom baby's heartbeat fluttering. But Scott said he saw only the top one...so between the two of us, we could confirm that the doctor wasn't lying to us out of pity. He couldn't find the source of the bleeding but said that it was perfectly possible that we go on to a normal pregnancy. He was very sweet and reassuring and patted my shoulder as he gave me the news. He asked again if I did IVF or IUI and I thought he needed to know for medical reasons. but then he said he and his wife are also trying to have a baby although they're not at IVF yet. Oh, he understands me.
That night it tapered back to spotting...then picked up to bleeding by the morning...and then back again to spotting. I saw my regular OB who fit me in and she was a lot less worried than me or the ER docs. She said it was normal and she was satisfied because they saw the heartbeats on the ultrasound. She said to take it easy and watch for cramping or pains. And my next ultrasound is a week away so that will be the perfect time to check back in with the babies.
Still spotting two days later but still confident that our babies are okay. God, protect them, we love them both already!!!!
Then I headed to work on Sunday afternoon and felt some gushes. I had to leave work, i had to go home to change clothes anyway and I was debating going to the hospital. My ob-gyn office was closed and by the time I got home, I was bleeding bright red and regularly. Scott and I went to the hospital ER and I thought I was pretty calm and collected. I felt so horrible because all I could try to console myself was...hey there's two...if you lose one, you'll still have the other one. And there's got to be too small a chance that you would lose both. I was proud of myself for being so calm while checking in. I told scott to bring a book because I know trips to the ER always takes hours of waiting. I had all my information ready for the hospital. The guy who checked me in and asked me all sorts of questions was so nice and cheerful and I could tell he was trying to keep me distracted. Still, it hit me where I was and I had to look at Scott with tears welling in my eyes and fight back the tears. They took us right in and gave us a room and as soon as they left us alone, I started crying. I just sobbed and Scott hugged me. Maybe they heard my sobs through the hallway because we didn't wait more than ten minutes before the doctor came in. They had me change into a robe and told me they were going to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound.
The doctor was super nice and while he was waiting for the nurse to get some special light for his clear plastic speculum, he asked if he could do the ultrasound. He did a belly ultrasound, said that since I was past 8 weeks, they didn't have to do a vag-cam. And there on the screen was two little blobs. Oh, thank God they're still in there. And he tried to show us both their heartbeats. But it was a laptop screen and I was looking up at it so I could only see the bottom baby's heartbeat fluttering. But Scott said he saw only the top one...so between the two of us, we could confirm that the doctor wasn't lying to us out of pity. He couldn't find the source of the bleeding but said that it was perfectly possible that we go on to a normal pregnancy. He was very sweet and reassuring and patted my shoulder as he gave me the news. He asked again if I did IVF or IUI and I thought he needed to know for medical reasons. but then he said he and his wife are also trying to have a baby although they're not at IVF yet. Oh, he understands me.
That night it tapered back to spotting...then picked up to bleeding by the morning...and then back again to spotting. I saw my regular OB who fit me in and she was a lot less worried than me or the ER docs. She said it was normal and she was satisfied because they saw the heartbeats on the ultrasound. She said to take it easy and watch for cramping or pains. And my next ultrasound is a week away so that will be the perfect time to check back in with the babies.
Still spotting two days later but still confident that our babies are okay. God, protect them, we love them both already!!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
8w2d Nausea controllable?
So, last night I actually felt okay. I tried real hard to be superproductive because who knows how long that feeling will last. I came home and Scott had made fried rice at my request. I ate like two bowls and stayed up late watching tv because I almost felt normal. I swear I wanted that feeling to last forever (without endangering my babies).
This morning I wasn't feeling great but I wasn't gagging or hacking. I think I made it worse by not eating anything but really, at this point, I have no clue what I can make myself eat anymore. The doctor's office called, they got my email even thought Dr. O-chun is on vacation so they brought me in. They said when I came in that they thought I would look worse, they were expecting to have to give me an IV. But they still took me seriously, checked my urine, it was not too high in proteins. The doc asked if I wanted to try medicine and I said "YAH YAH YAH."
So, I tried it, my nausea is very manageable now, but it still hasn't restored my appetite. I'm tempted to just not eat because I dont' want to. But I have been stuffing my mouth as much as I possibly can. I'm sucking on starburst right now. But it does make me super tired. I am at work and I finally had to ask to go lie down where I fell asleep on the floor for 30 minutes.
I have absolutely no spotting which is unusual for IVF twins, and I'm so thankful to God. I was a little worried because I'm hardly peeing but the doc says it's okay. My tests are still normal.
This morning I wasn't feeling great but I wasn't gagging or hacking. I think I made it worse by not eating anything but really, at this point, I have no clue what I can make myself eat anymore. The doctor's office called, they got my email even thought Dr. O-chun is on vacation so they brought me in. They said when I came in that they thought I would look worse, they were expecting to have to give me an IV. But they still took me seriously, checked my urine, it was not too high in proteins. The doc asked if I wanted to try medicine and I said "YAH YAH YAH."
So, I tried it, my nausea is very manageable now, but it still hasn't restored my appetite. I'm tempted to just not eat because I dont' want to. But I have been stuffing my mouth as much as I possibly can. I'm sucking on starburst right now. But it does make me super tired. I am at work and I finally had to ask to go lie down where I fell asleep on the floor for 30 minutes.
I have absolutely no spotting which is unusual for IVF twins, and I'm so thankful to God. I was a little worried because I'm hardly peeing but the doc says it's okay. My tests are still normal.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
8w1d Some days are better than others
God has given me respite. I started off super sick today but managed to actually eat a normal lunch. I'm at work and I've actually been able to do work. I guess some days are bad and some days are not as bad. I've decided to rejoice in a not-so-bad day and I'm working my tail off to get work done, because who knows what I'll be able to do tomorrow. Today I was feeling so bad at home, that I emailed my doctor and asked if she could prescribe anything for nausea. Just thinking about the possibility of medicine has given me hope, and thus has given me a bright spot in my days. I did have some Coke with my lunch. I hope not to overdo it, but I wonder if it has helped me feel better. I'm not feeling great but I don't feel half-bad.
I hope my twinnies are doing good. I know I'm just 8w1d, but since tomorrow is almost wednesday, the middle of the week, I feel like I'm just a week and a half away from my ultrasound, when it's actually 13 days.
I do feel like I'm not getting enough fluids. I've always been a peer but I drink tons of water. Now, I definitely don't drink that much water since I'm always breathing and concentrating on not gagging and not vomiting. I have to go to the bathroom often but I feel like I'm barely peeing when I do.
I hope my twinnies are doing good. I know I'm just 8w1d, but since tomorrow is almost wednesday, the middle of the week, I feel like I'm just a week and a half away from my ultrasound, when it's actually 13 days.
I do feel like I'm not getting enough fluids. I've always been a peer but I drink tons of water. Now, I definitely don't drink that much water since I'm always breathing and concentrating on not gagging and not vomiting. I have to go to the bathroom often but I feel like I'm barely peeing when I do.
Monday, March 22, 2010
8w0d pregnant and miserable
Pregnancy= 8 weeks exactly
Weight: 180.2 lb (I've lost 4 pounds in less than two weeks)
Symptoms: No energy, extreme nausea, depression
Aversions: all food
I've decided to make the title of today's post real and honest. I am so blessed. This is my dream, I am so grateful for this answer to so many of our prayers. I wouldn't give this up for the world. But I'm miserable every day, all day long. The nausea is getting worse and now there's little relief from it. I haven't thrown up yet, I just have that taste in my mouth and the urge nonstop. I feel sick all the time. I'm literally sitting here at work breathing slowly trying to keep my stomach contents down. I've tried every trick. I'm sitting here with sea bands (nausea acupressure wristbands) on, I've tried small meals, crackers, water. There's no difference. I feel sick when I haven't eaten. I feel sick when I do eat. Basically I force myself to eat because I know it necessary for my body. But I feel like I'm punishing myself when I eat, it's that miserable an experience. Still I've dropped 4 pounds in less than two weeks. I'm not concerned, I've read that's pretty normal. I actually do wish I threw up because maybe there's a chance there might be some relief.
My goal is to survive the next two weeks. I read somewhere that the hormones that aggravate the stomach should peak by week ten and you should feel some relief by week 12. So, if I can get through the next two weeks, then that should be the worst of it. I googled pregnant and miserable and found this blog with all these women sharing their experience. It was so wonderful. I'm not sharing that I'm pregnant with hardly anyone until we're through our first trimester. But it also means, I can't talk to people who have kids and get their advice and encouragment through this rough time. and since all the people I know didn't announce their pregnancies until the second trimester, I never really knew what they went through. We were already moving on to baby gender and possible names. and there's such a guilt associated with this. I thought you were supposed to love pregnancy. I hated feeling normal, I wanted to feel like this was real. Well, it's real, and um, now I want to feel normal. Be pregnant but feel normal. It feels like I have the stomach flu except this isn't going to get better in a few days.
Last week, I had a bit of a scare. I had to work overtime and was on my feet for hours and walking around carrying stuff. I started to get a pain below my belly button when I walked. The next day, i still had the same pain. It felt like I pulled a muscle when I walked. I called in sick and went to the doctor. I only had the sensation sometimes when I walked but not all the time. They couldn't figure it out but told me to put myself in bed for the next two days. They also said to tell my bosses at work and that I shouldn't work overtime anymore. I told my big boss today. I felt really weird telling him. I just blurted it out. I said I just wanted to be able to ask for help on big cases and I would break up my backpack (holds equipment for our job) into smaller bags.
Lord, I just pray that these next two weeks pass quickly. That my next ultrasound shows that our babies are healthy and growing right on target. And that my body is able to adjust to the hormones and start to feel healthy and normal again. Please, Lord.
Weight: 180.2 lb (I've lost 4 pounds in less than two weeks)
Symptoms: No energy, extreme nausea, depression
Aversions: all food
I've decided to make the title of today's post real and honest. I am so blessed. This is my dream, I am so grateful for this answer to so many of our prayers. I wouldn't give this up for the world. But I'm miserable every day, all day long. The nausea is getting worse and now there's little relief from it. I haven't thrown up yet, I just have that taste in my mouth and the urge nonstop. I feel sick all the time. I'm literally sitting here at work breathing slowly trying to keep my stomach contents down. I've tried every trick. I'm sitting here with sea bands (nausea acupressure wristbands) on, I've tried small meals, crackers, water. There's no difference. I feel sick when I haven't eaten. I feel sick when I do eat. Basically I force myself to eat because I know it necessary for my body. But I feel like I'm punishing myself when I eat, it's that miserable an experience. Still I've dropped 4 pounds in less than two weeks. I'm not concerned, I've read that's pretty normal. I actually do wish I threw up because maybe there's a chance there might be some relief.
My goal is to survive the next two weeks. I read somewhere that the hormones that aggravate the stomach should peak by week ten and you should feel some relief by week 12. So, if I can get through the next two weeks, then that should be the worst of it. I googled pregnant and miserable and found this blog with all these women sharing their experience. It was so wonderful. I'm not sharing that I'm pregnant with hardly anyone until we're through our first trimester. But it also means, I can't talk to people who have kids and get their advice and encouragment through this rough time. and since all the people I know didn't announce their pregnancies until the second trimester, I never really knew what they went through. We were already moving on to baby gender and possible names. and there's such a guilt associated with this. I thought you were supposed to love pregnancy. I hated feeling normal, I wanted to feel like this was real. Well, it's real, and um, now I want to feel normal. Be pregnant but feel normal. It feels like I have the stomach flu except this isn't going to get better in a few days.
Last week, I had a bit of a scare. I had to work overtime and was on my feet for hours and walking around carrying stuff. I started to get a pain below my belly button when I walked. The next day, i still had the same pain. It felt like I pulled a muscle when I walked. I called in sick and went to the doctor. I only had the sensation sometimes when I walked but not all the time. They couldn't figure it out but told me to put myself in bed for the next two days. They also said to tell my bosses at work and that I shouldn't work overtime anymore. I told my big boss today. I felt really weird telling him. I just blurted it out. I said I just wanted to be able to ask for help on big cases and I would break up my backpack (holds equipment for our job) into smaller bags.
Lord, I just pray that these next two weeks pass quickly. That my next ultrasound shows that our babies are healthy and growing right on target. And that my body is able to adjust to the hormones and start to feel healthy and normal again. Please, Lord.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
7w1d First prenatal appt.
Week 7 Day 1
Weight: 183 (ouch, I can't believe I'm posting that for everyone to see)
Symptoms: Complete lack of energy, consistent constant nausea all day loooooong
Cravings: anything that seems okay to eat
Aversions: creamy stuff (like mayo), fishy stuff (I always hated fish)
Well, I certainly asked God to feel pregnant. I can't believe that up until a week ago, I couldn't believe I was pregnant. Well, I never feel like throwing up or anything major...but I certainly believe I'm pregnant now. I just feel that yuckiness when you're feeling sick...when your tummy turns at the thought of certain foods...and walking around drains your energy. I haven't figured out the morning sickness (I mean all waking hour-sickness). I've read up tricks and tips. I feel fine the first hour after I wake up and then it begins (like a 3-4 out of 10) and then stays that way until bedtime. Sometimes i get moments of feeling good, it happens maybe three times a day but I haven't figured out the pattern.
I try eating saltine crackers first thing in the morning but it doesn't work. No bacon for me but so far I like Scottie's meatloaf. One day, I'm excited to eat something and the next day, it's the last thing I want to see in the world. I appear to have a one time window for everything.
Today I went to Kaiser for my first prenatal visit. I schedule my next ultrasound 3 weeks away which I figure at ten weeks will be past another big scheckpoint for me. It seems 9 weeks seems to be a scary chance for miscarriage. My doctor did say that with twins, you can miscarry at any time. Youch. So three weeks to go.
Five more weeks of this insane first trimester. How am I going to survive? I wish there was some way I could take off work and just lie in bed until this fatigue and nausea leave.
Weight: 183 (ouch, I can't believe I'm posting that for everyone to see)
Symptoms: Complete lack of energy, consistent constant nausea all day loooooong
Cravings: anything that seems okay to eat
Aversions: creamy stuff (like mayo), fishy stuff (I always hated fish)
Well, I certainly asked God to feel pregnant. I can't believe that up until a week ago, I couldn't believe I was pregnant. Well, I never feel like throwing up or anything major...but I certainly believe I'm pregnant now. I just feel that yuckiness when you're feeling sick...when your tummy turns at the thought of certain foods...and walking around drains your energy. I haven't figured out the morning sickness (I mean all waking hour-sickness). I've read up tricks and tips. I feel fine the first hour after I wake up and then it begins (like a 3-4 out of 10) and then stays that way until bedtime. Sometimes i get moments of feeling good, it happens maybe three times a day but I haven't figured out the pattern.
I try eating saltine crackers first thing in the morning but it doesn't work. No bacon for me but so far I like Scottie's meatloaf. One day, I'm excited to eat something and the next day, it's the last thing I want to see in the world. I appear to have a one time window for everything.
Today I went to Kaiser for my first prenatal visit. I schedule my next ultrasound 3 weeks away which I figure at ten weeks will be past another big scheckpoint for me. It seems 9 weeks seems to be a scary chance for miscarriage. My doctor did say that with twins, you can miscarry at any time. Youch. So three weeks to go.
Five more weeks of this insane first trimester. How am I going to survive? I wish there was some way I could take off work and just lie in bed until this fatigue and nausea leave.
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