Gestational Age: 22 w 1 d
Symptoms: super large belly, belly button opening squished to just a slit, stretch marks on the BB but none on the belly yet (yah), contractions, baby movements, still peeing every 2-3 hrs at night
Prayer Requests: a miracle. Gizmo's heart valve to open up and the fluid around her heart to disappear, for her left ventricle to receive blood that allows takes away the calcification and that it beats regularly. Please protect Astro that her health is not endangered by her identifical twin's health. For our docs to have wisdom and for them to be knowledgeable in the areas we need.
So another visit to the cardiologist. I thought this one would be faster but it was still over 90 minutes of just scanning. 90 minutes of scanning one baby's heart. The room was hot and I was trying so hard not to get restless and fidget. I tried to look at the screen but it is hard to figure anything out. I did smile when I got glimpses of arms or legs or her sweet face. And she was squirming around in there which made me smile. I felt a lot of kicks and moves, I guess the ultrasound wand got them all worked up.
Then the Dr. sat down with us after that loooong scan. And our other specialist came in and sat down in the middle of the meeting. Dr. S, the cardiologist, said that her heart looks the same, that she does appear to have aortic atresia and that her left ventricle is enlarged and does not seem to be beating properly. He says overall her heart looks bigger (and not just cause she's getting bigger) but he says it looks to him like there's less fluid around the heart (AMEN, that's what I was praying for, my good little girl).
There's some docs from San Diego here and they're having a docs get together so he's going to present our case to them and get their opinion. Whether surgery is even an option. She may be born too small because she's a triplet and will be a preemie. If there is a shot, then Scott and I will have to go up to San Diego and be prepared to stay there for a while. We were a little shocked when Dr. O (our specialist) said he'd send us up there at 25-26 weeks (up that's 3-4 weeks from now)...whoa. That's a little shocking to think of. I'm okay but I just feel bad for Scott. I'm set to leave work but how is he going to keep working. If the surgeries are an option, we also may have to stay there for about 6 months after the delivery
This time they brought up the idea of termination as an option. They said they just have to lay out the options. I don't know how they get the numbers that they use. Looking online, it said that 20% of babies die while waiting for a transplant but the doc quoted us almost 50%. The online journal said that about 40% of identical twins suffered brain damage if their twin died in utero but the doc from last week quoted us 60%. And this week, Dr. O told us that there's a 30-40% chance that our identical twin "Astro" could die as well if Gizmo passes away.
I told them that I was just not comfortable with the idea of terminating. I said, I of course would have to know it was an option as things change or our options change but I had to put it to them so they knew. Last week, while we were being prayed for, I just felt like God created all these girls. He formed every hair on their head and I just kept thinking "I can't harm a single hair on their heads." I told God that. They're his creations, they're his children.
The doctor brought up yet another option. If surgery is not an option, we could choose to stay here in Hawaii and deliver here although they don't have the facilities to deal with Gizmo's heart problems. All they would do is provide care for as long as she could survive. He said that he had families who were against termination who chose that option. I was relieved to hear that although much later it struck me that these were probably singleton pregnancies, in my case there's risk to the other two girls involved. I tried to pin down the cardiologist for his estimate at her chance of survival to delivery. he hemmed and hawed for a while and said he was just guessing that she had a 60% of survival to delivery.
So now we just wait to hear what the san diego doctors say.
I still marvel at how things went from being so great and blissful to just being an emotional nightmare. Logically, I wonder how we would handle the expenses of moving to a new state for a good part of a year, finding a place, renting, we would need a car, a mattress, still pay mortgage at our hawaii home, need someone to stay at our home to take care of it and take care of our dog, taking care of 2 of the babies once they come out of the hospital while the Gizmo is still receiving medical care, and I'm scared to ask how much insurance will cover for medical costs especially with both of us not working. Thankfully, I really believe Scott's job will work with us as much as they can but, last night, he brought up getting a job at a fast food restaurant that our friends have in California. Emotionally, I just have no idea what choices we'll be asked to make and I have no idea how we'll make them. Believe me, it's a despairing thought but I have to push it away for now. God got us this far, he's in for the entire journey. Everything sounds so scary but he hasn't forsaken us, he's held his promises.
I miss the days when a triplet pregnancy was the biggest of my worries. I have my good days and bad days. Last week, I just came home from work and just lay down all night, trying to let my body recuperate as much as possible before my next day at work. This week, I feel a little stronger although last night, I was having a lot of contractions. I only feel them because my bladder gets squished and I have to fight the urge to pee. I'm at 22 weeks...unbelievable...I would be so proud of myself and my body for standing up pretty well. I feel like we could go really long with this pregnancy....if this was just a regular triplet pregnancy.
I've started a cocoa butter regimen, three times a day. I don't know if it will work but at least my skin is super moisturized and smooth. I have this area on my left upper abdomen which is so painful. I thought it was the skin but now I think it's the muscle. It feels like a torn muscle. I looked it up....it's just muscle pain from it being stretched and there's nothing you can do...but I find myself subconsciously rubbing it all day long. For the last week, I was only feeling movement/kicks in one area. The top so I figured it's Slugger. But yesterday riled them up and I feel them on the top, my right side, and down below (which feels weird and I lovingly tell them to stop that when I feel that one).
I'm 10 weeks away from the average delivery date for triplets, 6 weeks away from the critical 28 week mark. Please let the time just fly by with my baby girls chugging along. Lord, these are your girls, teach me how you want them raised.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
20 weeks 6 days-Finding Hope in the aftermath
I wanted to post this right after going through the day we found out about the heart problems. The next day we woke up in a much better place and I didn't want to leave my blog hanging on the emotions of that first critical day. But it took so long to write the details, I couldn't expand on where we are now.
The following days I woke up, still having moments when I just cry, thinking of my little girl. But also realizing that I have to go forward under the assumption that God is going to work miracles. Yes, the odds are stacked against us. But as long as there's the option, the possibility that our babies come out alive and healthy, then that will be the one I cling to.
I thought about us walking into the cardiologist appointment. Scott and I both said afterward that it hit us hard because we walked in so clueless and hopeful, we felt blindsided. But would the news have been easier to take if we had expecting the worse. I don't think so. So, while, I first felt like I was just preparing myself in case the worst happens, I don't think there's any way to prepare for that. Nothing will make it hurt less or pass easier. So, let me cling to the hope that is my God. Let me rejoice in her life now. Let me be thankful for each day I have with her.
As if God nodded alongside with me, the next day, the babies were so unbelievably active. Gizmo (Baby B) is on the right side and I felt kicks on the lower right side all day. It was the lower side so I knew it wasn't the fraternal who sits above her. I still have Scott feel my stomach while we watch TV hoping he can catch an errant twitch or kick. Finally, that night, she seemed real active and I found that if I pushed gently on my stomach, she would answer with a firm kick. I tried it a few times and each time I was rewarded with a kick. So I asked Scott for his hand, pressed it on my stomach and sure enough, he felt it. I was so happy, I said "that's her." Meet your daughter.
We had a regular visit with my OB. She brought up that the cardiologist probably asked us about terminating the pregnancy for that baby. He hadn't but it's not even an option for us. She did bring up the dangers if Gizmo passes away in the next few weeks. The body could try to reject it which would mean preterm labor for the other two babies. Or an infection could develop that could endanger the other two babies. I'm at 21 weeks tomorrow, and we need to get well past 28 weeks to get out of that danger zone. She also brought us some hope. She said you just never know with babies. They're so small at this point, as they get bigger, the doctors may be able to see more things clearer with their hearts. It goes both ways. Babies they don't think will make it do, and babies they think are in the clear don't always. So, I'm praying that the next visit, the heart will be a little bigger and give us some hope-filled news.
I never want to say I'm naive. I know how serious things are but I can't survive this unless I just believe. So I believe. I had to think about the worst case scenario. What would happen if we lost Gizmo and then lost the other two. All this, the years of waiting and doctor's visit. The shots, the blood tests, the awkward examinations. This pregnancy has been tough. Would I wish it just had never had been? And the answer is no. I am so thankful. I prayed for this, I've been able to walk this path. I think it's such a huge difference that I can feel them move. I feel like I've met them. I love them already. Every second is a blessing and an answer to my prayers.
Tomorrow we meet with a new doc who is filling in for our neonatal specialist. Next week is our cardiologist appt.
Prayer Requests:
For the aortic valve to be opened up
For the fluid around our heart to diminish
FOR NO MORE FLUID accumulating in her body
For her heart to be support her active body
For Astro (Baby A) to be able to grow and keep up without putting more stress on her sister
For Slugger (Baby C) to continue her growth and development and to watch over her sister
For God to help us through this year, we must stand on Him
The following days I woke up, still having moments when I just cry, thinking of my little girl. But also realizing that I have to go forward under the assumption that God is going to work miracles. Yes, the odds are stacked against us. But as long as there's the option, the possibility that our babies come out alive and healthy, then that will be the one I cling to.
I thought about us walking into the cardiologist appointment. Scott and I both said afterward that it hit us hard because we walked in so clueless and hopeful, we felt blindsided. But would the news have been easier to take if we had expecting the worse. I don't think so. So, while, I first felt like I was just preparing myself in case the worst happens, I don't think there's any way to prepare for that. Nothing will make it hurt less or pass easier. So, let me cling to the hope that is my God. Let me rejoice in her life now. Let me be thankful for each day I have with her.
As if God nodded alongside with me, the next day, the babies were so unbelievably active. Gizmo (Baby B) is on the right side and I felt kicks on the lower right side all day. It was the lower side so I knew it wasn't the fraternal who sits above her. I still have Scott feel my stomach while we watch TV hoping he can catch an errant twitch or kick. Finally, that night, she seemed real active and I found that if I pushed gently on my stomach, she would answer with a firm kick. I tried it a few times and each time I was rewarded with a kick. So I asked Scott for his hand, pressed it on my stomach and sure enough, he felt it. I was so happy, I said "that's her." Meet your daughter.
We had a regular visit with my OB. She brought up that the cardiologist probably asked us about terminating the pregnancy for that baby. He hadn't but it's not even an option for us. She did bring up the dangers if Gizmo passes away in the next few weeks. The body could try to reject it which would mean preterm labor for the other two babies. Or an infection could develop that could endanger the other two babies. I'm at 21 weeks tomorrow, and we need to get well past 28 weeks to get out of that danger zone. She also brought us some hope. She said you just never know with babies. They're so small at this point, as they get bigger, the doctors may be able to see more things clearer with their hearts. It goes both ways. Babies they don't think will make it do, and babies they think are in the clear don't always. So, I'm praying that the next visit, the heart will be a little bigger and give us some hope-filled news.
I never want to say I'm naive. I know how serious things are but I can't survive this unless I just believe. So I believe. I had to think about the worst case scenario. What would happen if we lost Gizmo and then lost the other two. All this, the years of waiting and doctor's visit. The shots, the blood tests, the awkward examinations. This pregnancy has been tough. Would I wish it just had never had been? And the answer is no. I am so thankful. I prayed for this, I've been able to walk this path. I think it's such a huge difference that I can feel them move. I feel like I've met them. I love them already. Every second is a blessing and an answer to my prayers.
Tomorrow we meet with a new doc who is filling in for our neonatal specialist. Next week is our cardiologist appt.
Prayer Requests:
For the aortic valve to be opened up
For the fluid around our heart to diminish
FOR NO MORE FLUID accumulating in her body
For her heart to be support her active body
For Astro (Baby A) to be able to grow and keep up without putting more stress on her sister
For Slugger (Baby C) to continue her growth and development and to watch over her sister
For God to help us through this year, we must stand on Him
Saturday, June 19, 2010
20 weeks 3 days...my heart is breaking
20 weeks 3 days
Yesterday, my sister suffered a second stroke in a span of 6 weeks. I received her text messages when I was done with work. It was an emotional night, a visit to the ER. A mild stroke considering but still very serious.
Today, we had to focus on our babies as Scott and I had a visit with a pediatric cardiologist to look at some things about Baby B's heart that had alarmed our neonatal specialist. Scott and I really walked in with naivety. Our doc said he thought he saw a hole in the heart and one side of the heart not beating as strong. Well, she's the biggest and by far the most active baby. I heard that holes in the heart sometimes close on their own, or I'm sure they can fix it somehow. We were not even fazed and breezed into the appointment.
The ultrasound tech took us into a dim room and scanned my babies for over 90 minutes. It was so quiet I fell asleep for a little bit. She took tons of pictures and videos without saying a word and when she finished, she said the doc would review it and then come in himself. So, we spent another half hour by ourselves in the room before the cardiologist came in. Dr. S. He introduced us ourselves and then said he wanted to do some scanning himself. So, he spent another 45 minutes in silence scanning Baby B. Then he said "I'm done. I'm going to take you in the next room and talk to you." Ok.
We went to the next room and he showed us a model of a heart and explained that fetal hearts are different but he would show us how it works in the adult heart.
Yesterday, my sister suffered a second stroke in a span of 6 weeks. I received her text messages when I was done with work. It was an emotional night, a visit to the ER. A mild stroke considering but still very serious.
Today, we had to focus on our babies as Scott and I had a visit with a pediatric cardiologist to look at some things about Baby B's heart that had alarmed our neonatal specialist. Scott and I really walked in with naivety. Our doc said he thought he saw a hole in the heart and one side of the heart not beating as strong. Well, she's the biggest and by far the most active baby. I heard that holes in the heart sometimes close on their own, or I'm sure they can fix it somehow. We were not even fazed and breezed into the appointment.
The ultrasound tech took us into a dim room and scanned my babies for over 90 minutes. It was so quiet I fell asleep for a little bit. She took tons of pictures and videos without saying a word and when she finished, she said the doc would review it and then come in himself. So, we spent another half hour by ourselves in the room before the cardiologist came in. Dr. S. He introduced us ourselves and then said he wanted to do some scanning himself. So, he spent another 45 minutes in silence scanning Baby B. Then he said "I'm done. I'm going to take you in the next room and talk to you." Ok.
We went to the next room and he showed us a model of a heart and explained that fetal hearts are different but he would show us how it works in the adult heart.
So blood returns from the body lacking oxygen on the right side (in blue). The right side of the heart pumps the blood to the lungs to pick up oxygen and it returns to the left side of the heart. The left side of the heart then pumps the blood out through a valve into the aorta, a huge vessel that will distribute the oxygen-rich blood to all parts of the body.
He said he sees several serious problems with Baby B, whom we have nicknamed "Gizmo",'s heart. The left ventricle (right half of the picture above) is enlarged and is brighter than usual on the ultrasound, which may mean that it has a build-up of scar tissue. The left ventricle also doesn't seem to be beating regularly or very strong. The valve between the left atrium and left ventricle looks damaged and he sees some blood actually going backwards. He said he took a long time looking at the aortic valve, the opening that lets blood out of the left ventricle so it can exit the heart into the aorta. He says it's really small so he tried to look from really different angles but he wasn't able to see any blood going through. He fears that the aorta might be completely closed, not letting any blood out of the left side of the heart exit into the aorta.
I just kept nodding, trying to memorize every word he was saying so I could understand exactly what was happening. My mind was racing as I memorized the names of the heart parts as he was pointing to them.
He took a deep breath and then said it doesn't look good. What could happen is she could pass away in utero. She could survive until delivery and be born and then pass away shortly after. He said that if she did make it far enough to be near delivery, it would have to be on the mainland where they could be prepared. If she survived long enough, they could operate on her or if the heart was still too damaged, try to get her on the list for a heart transplant. He said we needed to start thinking about who we might be able to stay with on the west coast that would be in a large city, and he could then match us up with a hospital that was equipped to do transplants and heart surgeries. He recommended staying with family because we would be there for a while. He'd have to talk to our neonatal specialist about when to send us up, because they would have to play it safe. They might have to have us go up to the mainland as early as 28-30 weeks. It might be a month of waiting before delivery, and then of course, however long treatment would be. He said to have a list of cities we might prefer by our next vist.
Again, I'm still nodding in shock. Then he said, "there's the troubling sign that there's fluid around her heart which tells me that she's already experienced some heart failure." Even my numbness couldn't withstand that. I looked at Scott and said "I think I'm going to cry." And then I did. Loud, ugly sobs. Even now as I type this, they're wrenching out of me. My baby. my baby girl. You mean, she's dying. My baby girl is dying.
.........................................................................
Ok, I'm back. I had to leave for a little bit. It's still a little raw. It's hard to have to relive it, but I want to put it down. I started this blog to journal our journey to becoming a family and this is it...the good and the bad.
The poor doctor. He just met us and he had to deliver us the harshest news, probably not a real fun job. He said he would talk to our neonatal specialist...which, if this isn't just a cascade of the devil's attacks is out right now. Our neonatal specialist is out because he had an medical emergency himself and is in the hospital. We're to come back to see the cardiologist in another week and half.
I asked him how come she is doing so well if basicallly she's only using half a heart. She's always been the biggest, always days ahead. She's the strongest and most active. I feel more connected to her because she's the one I usually feel moving and kicking. It makes me smile and I talk to her and rub my belly in encouragement. he says that the blood entering her right atrium and ventricle is coming from the placenta so it's oxygen-rich with my oxygen.
a Fetal Heart
The oxygen rich blood from the placenta goes to the right side of the heart but only a little bit goes to the lungs. There's an opening to the right side of the heart so that the heart can pump the blood to the rest of the body. I think this means that our baby's right side of the heart is doing all the work. He says some of that blood may not be getting to the vessels on the outside of the heart which is why there's scar tissue building up on the left ventricle.
The day was a miserable mess. I couldn't leave the little room, and the doctor kindly told us to stay in there as long as we wanted. I just sobbed for 30 minutes and Scott just held me. my only thought was, how do I get out of here and get home without having anyone see me. When I pulled it together, we started to leave but I had to do a bathroom stop first. When I walked in, I saw myself in the mirrow and saw my belly bulging against my T-shirt and a fresh new wave of pain washed over me and I started sobbing again. All this, all this is for us to have three babies...NOT two....THREE. Right now my stomach looks like a swollen beach ball because there's three babies in there.
We went home and I mourned my baby. Scott and I were sitting on the couch during a quiet moment and I felt her kick me hard and I started crying again. "She kicked me" I told Scott. How can my little girl be so alive and so active? It's heartbreaking because she doesn't know anything is wrong. She doesn't know her heart is struggling to keep up with her. How can I celebrate her kicks and movement when there's this impending gloom. I never really thought about how parents of children with terminal illnesses do it. You hope for the best, but how do you enjoy any part of the present when you're wondering how long the present will last. How can I make it another 3 months of panic and fear. Scott reminded me that we have to pray for a miracle. Forget heart surgeries and making it to delivery. We need complete healing by God's hand.
The first day was rough.
Monday, June 14, 2010
20 weeks and feeling it
Gestation: 20 weeks
Weight: 187.5
Appearance: Belly is big. Stretch marks on boobs only.
Symptoms: Nausea pretty much has been gone since 16 weeks but I still get occasional feelings of nausea that I can usually ignore. The discomfort has definitely began. The stomach muscles have just stretched to a point of discomfort and my stomach feels hard. It tenses up and contracts and my bladder is pinched to the size of a penny, giving me the overwhelming urgency to go pee even when I don't really have to. I try to sit more but my back hurts. I alternate between trying to stretch out my stomach and trying to stretch out my back.
My stomach just feels hard. It's freaky to feel. Sleeping is tough and some nights my body just hurts more. One night I was on crying out loud whenever I had to shift my weight. Then some days I am perfectly good and my abdomen and back feel more relaxed.
Countdown: 8 weeks until viability. 13 weeks until average birth arrival.
I haven't blogged in a while but I'm keeping my computer at work so I can't blog at home. And we have a shortage of computers at work currently so I just haven't been able to grab time to blog.
Last week, we went for our 19 week ultrasound with the specialist. It was so reassuring to see that Baby A is keeping up with growth although still very behind Baby B. And still no sign of that growth on Baby A's spine that appeared a month ago. Dr. said their levels are a little low but nothing alarming. He spent a lot of time with Baby B's heart and I just knew something was up. He took three times the number of pictures compared to the other babies. At the end, he went over the results. Baby B does seem to have some heart problems. That thick nuchal fold we saw at 12 weeks can indicate chromosomal disorders or heart problems. In this case, it looks like heart problems. Dr. pointed out that one side of the heart didn't seem to be beating as strong as the other side and there was a hole in the heart. A cardiologist called us and we're going in for an echo of all their hearts this upcoming week. But Dr. was encouraged that Baby B is growing strong, she's the biggest still of all the babies and very very active. And so we're so happy that our babies are going strong.
Thanks to Scott's constant joking about looking for hidden boy parts, we received our third set of crotch close-ups which bring the total to nine pictures total. Enough. I believe it. They're all girls.
I'm at work. The doc said I was doing good and my cervix was measuring normal. I can continue to work until my body starts to object and he also told me warning signs that we should look for that might indicate danger: increased vaginal discharge, a mucous plug, rhythmic contractions, bleeding. So I'm on my last week of work but I told them to schedule me in for next week and I'll play it by ear. Today, my body is hurting and I wish I was at home so I could lie down. But summer has arrived, and this past weekend, I was just hot and miserable at home. So, I'm okay with trying to stick it out here at work.
I feel a lot more movement and little jabs. Imagine a thick layer of rubber, like a whoopee cushion pulled tight. And then someone flicks it. That's what it feels like to me. Once I had my hand on my stomach and I was able to seriously feel a kick from the outside. Now when I lie down, I splay my hands over my stomach to try and catch any movement. I really want to get to a point that Scott can feel it so he can be a part of it. I feel a lot more connected to the babies now that I have little random reminders of their existence.
Yesterday, I asked him if he was not as excited to have babies. I told him it was because he didn't touch my belly like he used to. He sheepishly admitted that it felt weird now. It's true. My belly feels completely different. It's hard and the skin is pulled tight...so he made up for it by rubbing my stomach for fifteen minutes...I had to ask him to stop because it was making me nauseous=) He just can't win.
We are completely unprepared. I had illusions that we would have our house cleared out and unnecessary furniture rid of. Um, nothing has changed. Hopefully, when I stop working then we'll see some progress at home.
Weight: 187.5
Appearance: Belly is big. Stretch marks on boobs only.
Symptoms: Nausea pretty much has been gone since 16 weeks but I still get occasional feelings of nausea that I can usually ignore. The discomfort has definitely began. The stomach muscles have just stretched to a point of discomfort and my stomach feels hard. It tenses up and contracts and my bladder is pinched to the size of a penny, giving me the overwhelming urgency to go pee even when I don't really have to. I try to sit more but my back hurts. I alternate between trying to stretch out my stomach and trying to stretch out my back.
My stomach just feels hard. It's freaky to feel. Sleeping is tough and some nights my body just hurts more. One night I was on crying out loud whenever I had to shift my weight. Then some days I am perfectly good and my abdomen and back feel more relaxed.
Countdown: 8 weeks until viability. 13 weeks until average birth arrival.
I haven't blogged in a while but I'm keeping my computer at work so I can't blog at home. And we have a shortage of computers at work currently so I just haven't been able to grab time to blog.
Last week, we went for our 19 week ultrasound with the specialist. It was so reassuring to see that Baby A is keeping up with growth although still very behind Baby B. And still no sign of that growth on Baby A's spine that appeared a month ago. Dr. said their levels are a little low but nothing alarming. He spent a lot of time with Baby B's heart and I just knew something was up. He took three times the number of pictures compared to the other babies. At the end, he went over the results. Baby B does seem to have some heart problems. That thick nuchal fold we saw at 12 weeks can indicate chromosomal disorders or heart problems. In this case, it looks like heart problems. Dr. pointed out that one side of the heart didn't seem to be beating as strong as the other side and there was a hole in the heart. A cardiologist called us and we're going in for an echo of all their hearts this upcoming week. But Dr. was encouraged that Baby B is growing strong, she's the biggest still of all the babies and very very active. And so we're so happy that our babies are going strong.
Thanks to Scott's constant joking about looking for hidden boy parts, we received our third set of crotch close-ups which bring the total to nine pictures total. Enough. I believe it. They're all girls.
I'm at work. The doc said I was doing good and my cervix was measuring normal. I can continue to work until my body starts to object and he also told me warning signs that we should look for that might indicate danger: increased vaginal discharge, a mucous plug, rhythmic contractions, bleeding. So I'm on my last week of work but I told them to schedule me in for next week and I'll play it by ear. Today, my body is hurting and I wish I was at home so I could lie down. But summer has arrived, and this past weekend, I was just hot and miserable at home. So, I'm okay with trying to stick it out here at work.
I feel a lot more movement and little jabs. Imagine a thick layer of rubber, like a whoopee cushion pulled tight. And then someone flicks it. That's what it feels like to me. Once I had my hand on my stomach and I was able to seriously feel a kick from the outside. Now when I lie down, I splay my hands over my stomach to try and catch any movement. I really want to get to a point that Scott can feel it so he can be a part of it. I feel a lot more connected to the babies now that I have little random reminders of their existence.
Yesterday, I asked him if he was not as excited to have babies. I told him it was because he didn't touch my belly like he used to. He sheepishly admitted that it felt weird now. It's true. My belly feels completely different. It's hard and the skin is pulled tight...so he made up for it by rubbing my stomach for fifteen minutes...I had to ask him to stop because it was making me nauseous=) He just can't win.
We are completely unprepared. I had illusions that we would have our house cleared out and unnecessary furniture rid of. Um, nothing has changed. Hopefully, when I stop working then we'll see some progress at home.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
17w0d Pray for amniotic fluid
Gestation: 17 weeks 0 days
Weight: I weighed in on our scale today at 181.7 lb. But I was kind of tilting to see the number and my docs scale had me heavier last week. Of course, they weigh me at the end of my day and I weigh myself at the beginning when I just wake up.
Appearance: Big boobs (for me)....belly is big. Kind of freaks me out when I look at it. No stretch marks although I think I see two on my boobs. Keep forgetting to get that cream from my sister although I'm convinced I'm doomed by genetics.
Symptoms: Mild bouts of nausea. Food tastes strange to me. I'm struggling to find food I can eat because some of my consistent faves have distinctly strange tastes to me. Big turn-off. I'm peeing a lot...my bladder already feels like something is pressing on it. Arthritis of the hips, when I am lying down for a while, it hurts to turn over or get up and start walking. And still a big of motion sickness if I walk too fast. And I'm waddling already.
Countdown: 11 weeks to viability. (Babies have a 95% survival rate at 28 weeks). Actually since Baby A is almost a week behind, let's say 12 weeks to viability.
So. I haven't blogged in two weeks. Last week was crazy. The hubby was gone for almost two weeks, I was having trouble sleeping and I ended up getting sick. At first, the cold didn't seem too bad and I was so thankful since I can't take medicine...but the cold just wouldn't go away and every day was just a struggle. Then my sister had a crazy clot and I had to take her to the hospital. I had to burn a sick day (which we know is so precious at this point) because of the lack of sleep and sickness. Thank God, my sister is home and she seems to be slowly regaining her coordination back. And Scott is home (well, for a week) before he leaves for yet another stupid trip. Pbbbt. I'm still coughing occasionally but I'm finally regaining use of both nostrils. Amen.
My stomach has definitely swelled and everything just feels tight. I had an episode where I think my uterus was contracting a lot...I had to start counting. I had 2 in the span of 20 minutes and the next forty minutes were the longest ever...since I read that you have to go to the hospital immediately if you get 4 contractions in an hour, even if they don't hurt. I read that online. I think a lot of the discomfort is just from everything expanding so quickly, my stomach muscles feel so stretched. At first, I was scared to stretch it out. I haven't had any contractions in a few days so I'm gingerly stretching.
Today was our ultrasound with the specialist. Dr. O. The first thing out of his mouth was "Have you been leaking amniotic fluid?" I immediately said "Oh, I might be, I noticed a lot of discharge this past week but I thought it was incontinence." So embarrasing, but I've always had a problem with my bladder and some leakage when I exercise or just out of nowhere. At work, I noticed my underwear had these huge wet spots and it was way more than ever. I figured, my bladder was just getting weaker. He asked if I wear a pad, and I said ,No, I just have wet underwear. So, it seems that the new issue (there's always something different at each visit) is that the amniotic levels for the identicals are lower. Not dangerously low, but lower. So, new thing to pray about. Today I felt pretty good because I was dry and hopefully it has passed, but just now a trip to the bathroom has revealed another wet spot. Please, Lord, no more. Keep it all in. I took a quad screen test last week but my doc laughed and said that it's invalid for triplets. Oh, boy, I have a big fat bruise on my arm from the blood draw for nothing then.
Now for the good news. The triplets are all growing steadily, even small little baby A.
Baby A: (smallest identical twin)
16 w 3 d (so four days behind gestational age)
5 oz
everything looks good so far
Baby B: (biggest identical twin)
17 w 2 d (2 days ahead)
7 oz (ooh fattie)
everything also looks really good
Baby C: (fraternal twin)
17 w 2 d (2 days ahead)
6 oz (doc says that Baby B and Baby C are pretty much the same size)
she's our star. lots of amniotic fluid. saw her moving around. lots of room and everything looks really great.
the identical twins were squished again as they are bigger and they have lost some amniotic fluid. I'm going to have to go in every two weeks now especially since we have to monitor their amniotic levels. That's fine with me. Three weeks is just too long for me to go without seeing that they're okay. i still get nervous when he starts scanning. I wish he could just verify that their heart are beating and they're alive. I guess he doesn't know that I worry about that and I may have to get over my pride and just ask him to do that for me. The great great news. Baby A is still chugging along, still a week behind the other two but the gap isn't growing so that seems to indicate that her growth is steady. Their bladders and blood flow are good so no indication of TTTS (twin to twin transfusion yet). Woo. Best news, he tried to find that growth on the bottom of Baby A's spine and he couldn't even find it. True, Baby B's big head kept getting in the way but he tried and tried. At the end, he said he saw a glimpse of something but it was so tiny that he thinks it was probably a skin tag. Hallelujah!!! We'll keep praying that the growth is completely gone and never comes back.
And he confirmed...all girls. hee hee. Scott and I just shake our head. He showed us the crotch shots and even I could see there's no peepees anywhere. I'm getting a little better at recognizing things on the ultrasound, plus, they're a little bigger so things are much more defined.
I'm officially halfway through and today's visit...seriously the best I've felt about this pregnancy. Scott and I agreed that this was the best news visit we've had the whole time. I hope it continues this trend but I'll enjoy the moment now no matter what. It's starting to feel a little more real. I'm still shocked each time I go in and they're all still alive and they're all still growing. I'm starting to gain confidence that come this fall, we're going to have three little girls in our arms. So, I brought up the pains and aches because I've been wondering about the babies moving. Apparently, you can feel it as early as 16 weeks but most newbies can't recognize it and won't know it until 18-20 weeks when it becomes to obvious to ignore. Stupid websites refer to it as a feeling of gas bubbles or butterflies. Um, only time I feel gas bubbles is when I have painful doubled over cramps. And I can't for the life of me recall what it feels to have butterflies. I do feel occasional swishes but I'm telling you, my abdomen is a field of strange new feelings. So, I'm just being patient because it's only a few more weeks and then there will be no question.
Praises Recap:
Babies alive
Babies healthy
Baby A keeping up
Baby A lost that weird spinal thing
Baby B showing all normal measurements despite that high nuchal fold
Prayer Request:
No more amniotic loss
Keep growing, we go back in two weeks
That spinal thing be gone FOREVER
Weight: I weighed in on our scale today at 181.7 lb. But I was kind of tilting to see the number and my docs scale had me heavier last week. Of course, they weigh me at the end of my day and I weigh myself at the beginning when I just wake up.
Appearance: Big boobs (for me)....belly is big. Kind of freaks me out when I look at it. No stretch marks although I think I see two on my boobs. Keep forgetting to get that cream from my sister although I'm convinced I'm doomed by genetics.
Symptoms: Mild bouts of nausea. Food tastes strange to me. I'm struggling to find food I can eat because some of my consistent faves have distinctly strange tastes to me. Big turn-off. I'm peeing a lot...my bladder already feels like something is pressing on it. Arthritis of the hips, when I am lying down for a while, it hurts to turn over or get up and start walking. And still a big of motion sickness if I walk too fast. And I'm waddling already.
Countdown: 11 weeks to viability. (Babies have a 95% survival rate at 28 weeks). Actually since Baby A is almost a week behind, let's say 12 weeks to viability.
So. I haven't blogged in two weeks. Last week was crazy. The hubby was gone for almost two weeks, I was having trouble sleeping and I ended up getting sick. At first, the cold didn't seem too bad and I was so thankful since I can't take medicine...but the cold just wouldn't go away and every day was just a struggle. Then my sister had a crazy clot and I had to take her to the hospital. I had to burn a sick day (which we know is so precious at this point) because of the lack of sleep and sickness. Thank God, my sister is home and she seems to be slowly regaining her coordination back. And Scott is home (well, for a week) before he leaves for yet another stupid trip. Pbbbt. I'm still coughing occasionally but I'm finally regaining use of both nostrils. Amen.
My stomach has definitely swelled and everything just feels tight. I had an episode where I think my uterus was contracting a lot...I had to start counting. I had 2 in the span of 20 minutes and the next forty minutes were the longest ever...since I read that you have to go to the hospital immediately if you get 4 contractions in an hour, even if they don't hurt. I read that online. I think a lot of the discomfort is just from everything expanding so quickly, my stomach muscles feel so stretched. At first, I was scared to stretch it out. I haven't had any contractions in a few days so I'm gingerly stretching.
Today was our ultrasound with the specialist. Dr. O. The first thing out of his mouth was "Have you been leaking amniotic fluid?" I immediately said "Oh, I might be, I noticed a lot of discharge this past week but I thought it was incontinence." So embarrasing, but I've always had a problem with my bladder and some leakage when I exercise or just out of nowhere. At work, I noticed my underwear had these huge wet spots and it was way more than ever. I figured, my bladder was just getting weaker. He asked if I wear a pad, and I said ,No, I just have wet underwear. So, it seems that the new issue (there's always something different at each visit) is that the amniotic levels for the identicals are lower. Not dangerously low, but lower. So, new thing to pray about. Today I felt pretty good because I was dry and hopefully it has passed, but just now a trip to the bathroom has revealed another wet spot. Please, Lord, no more. Keep it all in. I took a quad screen test last week but my doc laughed and said that it's invalid for triplets. Oh, boy, I have a big fat bruise on my arm from the blood draw for nothing then.
Now for the good news. The triplets are all growing steadily, even small little baby A.
Baby A: (smallest identical twin)
16 w 3 d (so four days behind gestational age)
5 oz
everything looks good so far
Baby B: (biggest identical twin)
17 w 2 d (2 days ahead)
7 oz (ooh fattie)
everything also looks really good
Baby C: (fraternal twin)
17 w 2 d (2 days ahead)
6 oz (doc says that Baby B and Baby C are pretty much the same size)
she's our star. lots of amniotic fluid. saw her moving around. lots of room and everything looks really great.
the identical twins were squished again as they are bigger and they have lost some amniotic fluid. I'm going to have to go in every two weeks now especially since we have to monitor their amniotic levels. That's fine with me. Three weeks is just too long for me to go without seeing that they're okay. i still get nervous when he starts scanning. I wish he could just verify that their heart are beating and they're alive. I guess he doesn't know that I worry about that and I may have to get over my pride and just ask him to do that for me. The great great news. Baby A is still chugging along, still a week behind the other two but the gap isn't growing so that seems to indicate that her growth is steady. Their bladders and blood flow are good so no indication of TTTS (twin to twin transfusion yet). Woo. Best news, he tried to find that growth on the bottom of Baby A's spine and he couldn't even find it. True, Baby B's big head kept getting in the way but he tried and tried. At the end, he said he saw a glimpse of something but it was so tiny that he thinks it was probably a skin tag. Hallelujah!!! We'll keep praying that the growth is completely gone and never comes back.
And he confirmed...all girls. hee hee. Scott and I just shake our head. He showed us the crotch shots and even I could see there's no peepees anywhere. I'm getting a little better at recognizing things on the ultrasound, plus, they're a little bigger so things are much more defined.
I'm officially halfway through and today's visit...seriously the best I've felt about this pregnancy. Scott and I agreed that this was the best news visit we've had the whole time. I hope it continues this trend but I'll enjoy the moment now no matter what. It's starting to feel a little more real. I'm still shocked each time I go in and they're all still alive and they're all still growing. I'm starting to gain confidence that come this fall, we're going to have three little girls in our arms. So, I brought up the pains and aches because I've been wondering about the babies moving. Apparently, you can feel it as early as 16 weeks but most newbies can't recognize it and won't know it until 18-20 weeks when it becomes to obvious to ignore. Stupid websites refer to it as a feeling of gas bubbles or butterflies. Um, only time I feel gas bubbles is when I have painful doubled over cramps. And I can't for the life of me recall what it feels to have butterflies. I do feel occasional swishes but I'm telling you, my abdomen is a field of strange new feelings. So, I'm just being patient because it's only a few more weeks and then there will be no question.
Praises Recap:
Babies alive
Babies healthy
Baby A keeping up
Baby A lost that weird spinal thing
Baby B showing all normal measurements despite that high nuchal fold
Prayer Request:
No more amniotic loss
Keep growing, we go back in two weeks
That spinal thing be gone FOREVER
Thursday, May 13, 2010
15w1d Prayers needed
Timeline: 15w1d
Weight: 179 lb (6 lb down from pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms: Weird arthritis of the hips, spider veins in the BB, insomnia, motion sickness.
When I start to walk after lying down or sleeping, I'm an old woman. Weird pains and aches in the hips and joints. Must be those hormones causing everything to relax. I actually think I'm more flexible. I hate my job and switching sleep schedules...I've been sleeping 4-6 hours every day and then maybe taking an hour nap on the cold, hard floor in my office at work. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired I feel sick, so I've been gagging whenever I start to move. Walking, driving. Last night, I was trying to drive to get food and I realized that I was going to throw up. I was at an intersection and stuck at a red light. I gagged and swallowed and drove to McDonalds where I had to pull into a stall, lean out the door, and vomit water and my zofran pill all over the parking lot. Oh, goodness. Thank god, Scott has napkins in his glove compartment.
Yesterday was my 15w ultrasound with the specialist. I couldn't believe it but the appointment coincided with Scott having to be at the airport to leave for a work trip. I was so bummed that he couldn't be with me, he was very bummed as well. I got my older sis to come with me and we promised to text him before he got on the plane. We've really been hoping and praying that we get some good news this time around, every time, the doctor seems to just say "only thing we can do is wait and watch." I want him to say, yes, this looks promising. Just once.
Baby A
measuring 14w3d (4 days behind gestationally)
weighs 3 oz
Baby B
measuring 15w5d (5 days ahead gestationally)
weighs 5 oz (!!!!)
They really are right on top of each other so the doc was having a wild time trying to zero in on each one to get measurements of the head, brain, heart, and bones. He kept muttering "your children are being very difficult." Wow, to hear "your children" is mind-blowing. My sister and I both pestered him with "Hey, if you can see the gender, we would LOVE to know." the babies looked to squished and it was a hard angle but he finally said "I have a feeling these identicals are girls." YAH!!! we were hoping they were girls. I asked "What do mean, you have a feeling? Like you feel it in your heart." He said "No, I just don't see anything sticking out down there."
Cassan texted Scott that they were girls and healthy right before he got on the plane.
Then we moved on to the fraternal twin
Baby C
15w2d (2 days ahead gestationally)
4 oz
Baby C looks great. And then the doc said "Hmmm, I think this one is also a girl." My sister just started laughing. My sister with the five girls. My sister who I teased endlessly when she was pregnant with fraternal twins only to find out that they were both girls. WHAT!!! 3 girls. I don't even have one girl name that I like, now I have to come up with three. I think girls are so much harder to name than boys. Well, everyone we know has girls and we've already got tons of baby girl clothing hand-me-downs. I did say "The doc can be wrong." Sometimes things hide themselves...but I have the feeling we're having girls.
He went back to the identicals...he said their bladders and amniotic fluid look good. That's a relief, I know those are big indicators of Twin to Twin Trans.fusion. But then he was scanning and we all saw something. He was looking at baby A, the smallest baby, and you could the skeleton and ribs. And there was something waving at the tip of the spine. I thought it was at the top near the head but the doc told me later that I was backwards and it was at the tail end. But it was something just waving away. What was that? Is that a hand? What the heck? The doc tried zooming in but he said the baby was too small to get a decent enough look. So, he said "well, it can be a number of things." I asked "Like?" He brought up two options
Spin.al bif.ida= where the spinal column doesn't close properly. He says that the location is good, if it was further up the spine, it would be more harmful. Where it is now, the baby has a good chance of being able to walk normally.
A tumor. As if I couldn't hear anything worse than the first option. I think the doc sensed it, because his nurse jumped in and said that it was more common than you know...that they just had a baby last week with a tumor. My sister says that she thinks here husband had to have one removed. I asked what this meant. The doc says that it would just have to be removed once the baby was born.
He admitted that our triplets are having an above average number of complications, he brought up Baby B's thick neck measurement last time and now this abnormality on Baby A's spine...the huge discrepency in size. I asked him what our odds were and he said that you don't count on odds. He said because the size difference has been from so early on, it's more serious than if it started to develop later in development. Sigh. My sister was so positive, she seemed totally sure that everything is going to be fine. I'm starting to worry if I'm coming home with three babies and what that life will be like.
The hardest part was having to wait all night while Scott was on the plane so I could update him when he finally called. The last thing he heard was that it was girls and that they were healthy. I hated having to tell him yet another development. We're only at 15 weeks, we have a whole other half of pregnancy to go. He's such a rock, he just takes it in stride. Somehow, I feel like this is my fault. It's half of my DNA, they're in my body. I still think that as much as Scott really wanted kids, I wanted them more. I got us to where we are today, going through IVF, choosing to put in 2 embryos and not just one. I can't help but feel responsible.
We go back in two weeks, Scott will be back by then, which is a blessing. I miss him so much and it's a tough time. I really wish he was here.
Weight: 179 lb (6 lb down from pre-pregnancy weight)
Symptoms: Weird arthritis of the hips, spider veins in the BB, insomnia, motion sickness.
When I start to walk after lying down or sleeping, I'm an old woman. Weird pains and aches in the hips and joints. Must be those hormones causing everything to relax. I actually think I'm more flexible. I hate my job and switching sleep schedules...I've been sleeping 4-6 hours every day and then maybe taking an hour nap on the cold, hard floor in my office at work. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired I feel sick, so I've been gagging whenever I start to move. Walking, driving. Last night, I was trying to drive to get food and I realized that I was going to throw up. I was at an intersection and stuck at a red light. I gagged and swallowed and drove to McDonalds where I had to pull into a stall, lean out the door, and vomit water and my zofran pill all over the parking lot. Oh, goodness. Thank god, Scott has napkins in his glove compartment.
Yesterday was my 15w ultrasound with the specialist. I couldn't believe it but the appointment coincided with Scott having to be at the airport to leave for a work trip. I was so bummed that he couldn't be with me, he was very bummed as well. I got my older sis to come with me and we promised to text him before he got on the plane. We've really been hoping and praying that we get some good news this time around, every time, the doctor seems to just say "only thing we can do is wait and watch." I want him to say, yes, this looks promising. Just once.
Baby A
measuring 14w3d (4 days behind gestationally)
weighs 3 oz
Baby B
measuring 15w5d (5 days ahead gestationally)
weighs 5 oz (!!!!)
They really are right on top of each other so the doc was having a wild time trying to zero in on each one to get measurements of the head, brain, heart, and bones. He kept muttering "your children are being very difficult." Wow, to hear "your children" is mind-blowing. My sister and I both pestered him with "Hey, if you can see the gender, we would LOVE to know." the babies looked to squished and it was a hard angle but he finally said "I have a feeling these identicals are girls." YAH!!! we were hoping they were girls. I asked "What do mean, you have a feeling? Like you feel it in your heart." He said "No, I just don't see anything sticking out down there."
Cassan texted Scott that they were girls and healthy right before he got on the plane.
Then we moved on to the fraternal twin
Baby C
15w2d (2 days ahead gestationally)
4 oz
Baby C looks great. And then the doc said "Hmmm, I think this one is also a girl." My sister just started laughing. My sister with the five girls. My sister who I teased endlessly when she was pregnant with fraternal twins only to find out that they were both girls. WHAT!!! 3 girls. I don't even have one girl name that I like, now I have to come up with three. I think girls are so much harder to name than boys. Well, everyone we know has girls and we've already got tons of baby girl clothing hand-me-downs. I did say "The doc can be wrong." Sometimes things hide themselves...but I have the feeling we're having girls.
He went back to the identicals...he said their bladders and amniotic fluid look good. That's a relief, I know those are big indicators of Twin to Twin Trans.fusion. But then he was scanning and we all saw something. He was looking at baby A, the smallest baby, and you could the skeleton and ribs. And there was something waving at the tip of the spine. I thought it was at the top near the head but the doc told me later that I was backwards and it was at the tail end. But it was something just waving away. What was that? Is that a hand? What the heck? The doc tried zooming in but he said the baby was too small to get a decent enough look. So, he said "well, it can be a number of things." I asked "Like?" He brought up two options
Spin.al bif.ida= where the spinal column doesn't close properly. He says that the location is good, if it was further up the spine, it would be more harmful. Where it is now, the baby has a good chance of being able to walk normally.
A tumor. As if I couldn't hear anything worse than the first option. I think the doc sensed it, because his nurse jumped in and said that it was more common than you know...that they just had a baby last week with a tumor. My sister says that she thinks here husband had to have one removed. I asked what this meant. The doc says that it would just have to be removed once the baby was born.
He admitted that our triplets are having an above average number of complications, he brought up Baby B's thick neck measurement last time and now this abnormality on Baby A's spine...the huge discrepency in size. I asked him what our odds were and he said that you don't count on odds. He said because the size difference has been from so early on, it's more serious than if it started to develop later in development. Sigh. My sister was so positive, she seemed totally sure that everything is going to be fine. I'm starting to worry if I'm coming home with three babies and what that life will be like.
The hardest part was having to wait all night while Scott was on the plane so I could update him when he finally called. The last thing he heard was that it was girls and that they were healthy. I hated having to tell him yet another development. We're only at 15 weeks, we have a whole other half of pregnancy to go. He's such a rock, he just takes it in stride. Somehow, I feel like this is my fault. It's half of my DNA, they're in my body. I still think that as much as Scott really wanted kids, I wanted them more. I got us to where we are today, going through IVF, choosing to put in 2 embryos and not just one. I can't help but feel responsible.
We go back in two weeks, Scott will be back by then, which is a blessing. I miss him so much and it's a tough time. I really wish he was here.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
14w3d It's getting better=)
Thursday 14w3d
Weight=178 lb (original pre-pregnancy weight=185 lb)
Symptoms: fatigue, getting tuckered out easily, mild nausea depending on the time of day, sensitive chest, headaches daily (also a side effect of medicine)
Well, week 14 has actually brought improvement. The nausea got better if I kept eating...then that stopped working and it got way worse. Then, this past week I've noticed a huge difference. I get bouts of nausea but a majority of the day, I'm feeling okay. Still not hungry and I still have to put into thought into what I can eat, a lot of food aversions still...but I'm actually eating now. Not a lot but a moderate amount.
The belly is pooching out, I bought two new maternity jeans with these lovely elastic waistbands. They're so comfortable...oh my goodness, I want to keep wearing them even after I'm not pregnant anymore. One of them seems to fit but I wore it to work last night and I think it's a little too early. As soon as I start to walk or put stuff in my pocket, the jeans start to pull down and the elastic band is creeping down my butt=).
We have already gotten baby stuff, a lot of hand-me-down baby clothes...we don't know the gender so hoping to find out soon so we can figure out if we're keeping anything or giving anything back. This is the first week I haven't had a doctor's appointment and it's killing me. I just start to think that maybe something is wrong and I have this insane fear that the next ultrasound will show that we lost a baby. I want an appt every week.
I'm super fatigued still. Which is weird because I've been having trouble sleeping. I wake up every three hours to pee and I am pretty much wide awake by 6 in the morning. There's so much I want to do around the house but after doing a few things, I'm tuckered out and I am back to lying down. At my count, I only have about 6 weeks of work left. I'm trying to get everything in at work, that's my sole focus. I'm also trying to find out about leave...there version of maternity leave is family leave-UNPAID!!! I have to burn all my sick leave, vacation, and comp time, and that will get me to right before the birth. I called Finance and asked about TDI but the lady said I had to have less than 15 days sick leave to qualify. She said she would find out and call me back but she hasn't yet.Oh boy, everything is overwhelming.
I'm at work. I'm eating chicken spaghetti. It's weird how my tastes have changed. Now I like it heavy on the noodles and light on the meat. I wish I knew that when I was packing lunch. I don't have enough noodles. I think I can't eat anything mildly sweet, especially in the morning. I tried cereal but that didn't go so well, it might have been the milk may have been expired. I tried a blueberry muffin this morning, nope. Nothing sweet in the morning from now on.
Weight=178 lb (original pre-pregnancy weight=185 lb)
Symptoms: fatigue, getting tuckered out easily, mild nausea depending on the time of day, sensitive chest, headaches daily (also a side effect of medicine)
Well, week 14 has actually brought improvement. The nausea got better if I kept eating...then that stopped working and it got way worse. Then, this past week I've noticed a huge difference. I get bouts of nausea but a majority of the day, I'm feeling okay. Still not hungry and I still have to put into thought into what I can eat, a lot of food aversions still...but I'm actually eating now. Not a lot but a moderate amount.
The belly is pooching out, I bought two new maternity jeans with these lovely elastic waistbands. They're so comfortable...oh my goodness, I want to keep wearing them even after I'm not pregnant anymore. One of them seems to fit but I wore it to work last night and I think it's a little too early. As soon as I start to walk or put stuff in my pocket, the jeans start to pull down and the elastic band is creeping down my butt=).
We have already gotten baby stuff, a lot of hand-me-down baby clothes...we don't know the gender so hoping to find out soon so we can figure out if we're keeping anything or giving anything back. This is the first week I haven't had a doctor's appointment and it's killing me. I just start to think that maybe something is wrong and I have this insane fear that the next ultrasound will show that we lost a baby. I want an appt every week.
I'm super fatigued still. Which is weird because I've been having trouble sleeping. I wake up every three hours to pee and I am pretty much wide awake by 6 in the morning. There's so much I want to do around the house but after doing a few things, I'm tuckered out and I am back to lying down. At my count, I only have about 6 weeks of work left. I'm trying to get everything in at work, that's my sole focus. I'm also trying to find out about leave...there version of maternity leave is family leave-UNPAID!!! I have to burn all my sick leave, vacation, and comp time, and that will get me to right before the birth. I called Finance and asked about TDI but the lady said I had to have less than 15 days sick leave to qualify. She said she would find out and call me back but she hasn't yet.Oh boy, everything is overwhelming.
I'm at work. I'm eating chicken spaghetti. It's weird how my tastes have changed. Now I like it heavy on the noodles and light on the meat. I wish I knew that when I was packing lunch. I don't have enough noodles. I think I can't eat anything mildly sweet, especially in the morning. I tried cereal but that didn't go so well, it might have been the milk may have been expired. I tried a blueberry muffin this morning, nope. Nothing sweet in the morning from now on.
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